springtime Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Last week someone talked about her sister talking mean to her when they went to California, so she caught the bus home. I responded, but didn't do it right and my response didn't go through. What I tried to respond was that family and friends visited me when I first survived. They forgot about me 3-5 months after the stroke and I get along the best I can. (The stroke left me unable to walk initially. Talking and thinking wholly was challenging, too.) I walk now, (not as well as before, of course), think and talk better, and had better watch every move my right hand makes. I feel I do well, and I am very proud of myself. Some relatives have been downright nasty since the stroke. Friends abandoned me, but some have returned since I have kept going and won't give up. At first, I made excuses for folks but refuse to do that anymore. Whether guilt, fear of contagion, or whatever, caused their behavior, I deserved and deserve better. I constantly search for deserving friends. I hope for friends that will become family. To the person receiving ugliness from relative(s), don't let them get you down or make you think you deserve that; you don't. You deserve care and kindness! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasco Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Good for you, Springtime! Chances are those people were always like that - its just more visable now. Congradulations on your walking progress. I'm in the same boat - so to speak - and I Just keep working at it. I have a vary small family; son, dtr & her husband & 2 grandkids and a husband that is my "lifeline", but we've always been close. What interests do you have? There is such a wide variety og talents & interests on this site. Probably one of the best moves you made was to contact tbese folks. Good luck to you, fill your time with POSITIVE things & thoughts. Cheers! Marilyn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pprovost Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Hi Springtime, Good for you on not wasting a moment of your precious life on clods who have forgotten why we are on earth in the first place .. Uh dah to love one another. I tried to reunite with one colleague from work by sending a birthday wish via e-mail. Well one month ( yes, 4 weeks) I receive an acknowledgement promising a good gab on the phone when she gets time and it has been over a year. So, knowing I haven't just fallen off the turnip truck , I can take a hint that talking to me is just too difficult for some people. You learn peoples character in times that you need them for support. it is sad that some will disappoint but it is no loss when the valued friendship was not there at all anyway. I wish nothing bad for these people but I release them from my concern. Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Welcome Springtime, I have only my daugter, grandson & daughter's fiancee in this area. Relatives back east. My husband & my daughter & family have been very supportive. My husbands family has been great also so I am lucky. Some of my friends have drifted off. You will find many people here who understand and meet. We are a famiy here. Is there a support group in your area where you could meet other survivors? For coffe or movies or? Welcome to the site and hope to meet you in chat. You should be proud, sounds as if you have come a long way!! Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilkinson Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Not just survivors but caregivers too find friends fall away. We know there is more to life than office gossip, fashion and flings so we don't talk the talk anymore. I too wish that "old friends" returned calls, emails etc. but if they don't then their busy lives and my busy life are just lived in parallel universes. I still have folk that keep in touch, but it is more often"how's Ray?" than, "Can I talk to Ray" now which is a pity so a lot of news he gets second-hand. There are people out there interested in you as a person Springtime. Sometimes they don't look like the friends you have been used to but if they stop, smile, say hello and wait for an answer respond in a like fashion and see where it goes from there. May only good things come your way from now on. Sue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keepongoing Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 After my husbands stroke except for immediate family and my best friend we heard from no one. My husbands son and mother are always too busy even for a phone call. 6months after the stroke I was offered a job 6 hours away from home so we moved. I have found finding friends here even harder plus we live so far from things. People don't realize how alone you become when a stroke affects your life. We have started to try and go to things on our own, dinner, rides, we even finally went to a play at the college where I teach. We had a great time, it's just hard when you do it alone. I know part of the problem is my husbands ability to converse. He so appreciates the people who try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spokangie Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 This is a topic that I have responded to many times..I will keep it short this time I have kept so much anger and resentment, dissappointment, and fear that has affected my health and his disposition towards his family.. I dont know whether they are afraid to come by because they don't want to see thier father as is not as he was..All I know is that the phone calls are far and few in between..When they do come it is because he has been hospitalised, then the barage of questions come pouring out..Why, sometimes in an acusatory tone that makes me feel like I was responsible for his hospitalization. I have stoped calling them, unless it is serious. This last time my daughter called his son and his sister, I was not going to be bothered, but she insisted that he is his son and should know..That visit produced again a barage of questions and what realy kills me is his explanation for not calling and visiting..Busy working, he lives 2 hours away, his sister 1.5 hours away.. Then he has the nerve to say that he is in our area many times, OK why don't you come by or call. My only wish is that they would pick up the phone and have a deceint conversation with him. It does not matter that he can't speak, he can listen, he can respond too, in his own way..When they do come to visit all they do is sit and stare at him, they don't involve him in a conversation, individualy..They ask how he is doing I tell them, why don't you ask him, he will tell you himself.. I am not on their favourite list, they don't like talking to me just as much I don't like talking to them.. I have made it clear to them that they own a telephone too and know how to use it,,I will not be calling with reports on their family member.. Of course that didn't go well, but who cares what they think any more.. My priority is my husband and his well being.. I am very fortunate that we do get help on my side of the family. My girls help out as much as they can. My brother has been a great buddy to my husband. He treats him as if he had no difficulties.. We also have not many friends here, well none at all..we just moved from Spokane,,But the friends we did have there also stoped coming around..They were mostly his work friends.. We are planing a move to a Condo complex in the spring, hopefully there we will get more involved and make new friends..join a church group maybe.. Like so many have responded,,you do what you got to do and don't dwell on who comes and who doesnt'. I was told a long time ago, you will have many acquaintances in your life, but only a few true friends will stick around.. I know it is hard not to bring the anger and disappointment out, I strugle with that everytime I see them..I hold back because of my husband..I respect that they are his family and he needs them around no mater how scarce they are.. Take care angie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasco Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Simple to figure this one out - who adds to your life & who doesnt? You said a mouthful when you said your husband was more important than anyone! Keep it up & I'd also give your brother a Gold Star...he sounds like a peach! The others are just using up valuable oxygen. My regards to your husband & to you. Does the "Y" in your area have any activity that might interest him & possibly meet some other "survivors"? Cheers, Marilyn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
springtime Posted November 11, 2005 Author Share Posted November 11, 2005 Marilyn Thanks for your encouragement! You asked what I like to do. I go out to eat with folks when someone asks every once in awhile. Mostly, I go by myself. I wish there were a group of challenged mobility folks, (it would be okay if they are challenged a bit mentally, too ), that I could go around and for short trips with. It is very discouraging to be the slow walker everywhere I go. A rehab center at one of the hospitals said they had a support group that meets once a month. I will check it out week after next. I hope some single folks attend. Where are the folks like us? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
springtime Posted November 11, 2005 Author Share Posted November 11, 2005 Pat I am sorry that the person you tried to reacquaint with didn't do that. What has caught up with us may, unfortunately, catch up with some that throw us away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
springtime Posted November 11, 2005 Author Share Posted November 11, 2005 Bonnie I was a member of a support group at a hospital that dissolved. I guess the faciitators were too busy with their jobs to listen to suggestions that would have allowed growth. I have made calls, and another hospital rehab center says there is a group there. At the center that dissolved, all the attendees were married and weren't interested in meeting friends. Perhaps I will be more fortunate in the next group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
springtime Posted November 11, 2005 Author Share Posted November 11, 2005 Sue I have met a couple of folks that way. We may go to lunch once or twice a month. Unfortunately, meeting folks with issues hasn't happened yet. I begin conversations when I have been out and see others that obviously have issues. The people assisting the survivors sometimes respond, but the survivors seem to remain quiet. Trying can't end, but loneliness is a painful stagnating thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
springtime Posted November 11, 2005 Author Share Posted November 11, 2005 I hope you and your husband find friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
springtime Posted November 11, 2005 Author Share Posted November 11, 2005 Hi Angie. You have been through it with your husband. My heart goes out to you! I have moved into a condo. I am considering trying to start some kind of get togethers for those of us with issues. I may have to join a church, but don't really want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.