Biological drive

[larrymm]

I saw a show on TV about this a while back. Caveat - I believe in evolution. Some of you do, some don't and that's OK.

 

Basically, there is a biologic imperative in men and women to mate/marry/join/whatever with the person they feel is the most "worthy". This choice is based on evolution. Sure, your personal preferences play a minor role in this, but the initial tug is largely based on what has worked well for the species in the past. I personally think this equates to the "spark" you feel or not when you first meet someone. Obviously, I am not talking about people who are already together now, but unattached singles.

 

This whole dichotomy of stroke - I am who I used to be but at the same time I'm fundamentally different - I believe it sends cues to the opposite sex to make you less "worthy" at first glance evolution-wise. I am not talking at all about getting past that and seeing the person behind the outward appearance - that happens all the time.

 

All are invited to reply, but, since I am a guy, I am most interested in the female opinion.

 

Larry

 

 

Sorry, but I forgot something in my original post.

 

The reason I raise this topic is that there were a few women pre-stroke who I viewed as "worthy" (and they me); however, that all definitely changed post-stroke. I am sure my post-stroke self had something to do with it, but I am not exactly sure what. It is hard because I can guess, but I don't really know. As someone told me a long time ago, "unless you tell me, I don't know".

 

Larry

[fking]

Larry, a story that ties into your topic was one I saw this morning on the today show. It said the TV should be removed from bedrooms when the sex drive begin to suffer for one partner. Excuses start to pop up, then before long one partner will start to wander into affairs some place else.

 

But, by biologic imperative in men and women, you would think the worthyness is the key for togetherness. The spark based on evolution could get dim as time goes by, but the single person now has a different outlook on the relationship as a unit of one. JMHO. :roflmao:

[swilkinson]

Larry

 

I believe there is still someone for everyone. Your ideal woman now may have a different appearance to the one you were attracted to pre-stroke, she may be kinder, better adapted to give care rather than expecting to get care, more accepting of you as you are now.

 

Ray and I have friends with varying disabilities who have found love post-stroke, car accidents and trauma of various kinds including a girl who was only married for four months as she married a man she knew to be dying.

 

You keep looking and listening too, remember some people find a mate by getting to know someone as a friend and then finding that friendship deepens to love. Just keep your hopes up.

 

Sue.

[scrappier]

I think poststroke we strokers see themeaning to life a bit more clearly and nononsense-illy. So I think I'm a bit more cut and dried about people who've also had somekinda similar experience. lost loved, had cancer, something that can be "life changing". Some people I just see as rather daft and I think "and I'm the one who's suppose to be damaged??" Look for the person who really appreciates life, I think we've gotten a more deeper view and it may have raised your bar as to are they worthy of you and your time left here..

[slmstrokeangel]

Dear Larry,

The previously "worthy" women should now be "unworthy" to you because they don't meet your requirements now. You should make a list of your needs.

If I was single and without stroke, I think I could love a man who had a stroke. I had a friend and she was a "hottie" who fell in love with a disabled man in a wheelchair. She said he brought out her motherly instincts.

[larrymm]

Thanks to all who have replied.

 

I am thinking it is mainly the men who are driven by outward appearances, evolution-wise.

 

Now that I think about it, I remember the show said men and women are both driven by evolutionary instincts when searching for a mate, just that men and women are looking for different things. Men usually look at the external first then the internal and women, while they may look at the external first, they place far more emphasis on the internal than men do (thank goodness!).

 

I can only be who I can be. No more and no less. I agree with you, Sue, there is someone for everyone.

 

Larry

[merichsen]

larry,

i can't even imagine how difficult it must be, i know i certainly don't feel very attractive anymore and i know that effects the self confidence or now lack of that i portray and i think that plays a big part in the dating thing. i think back to the many friends i've had over the years and realize that it certainly wasn't physical attraction which enabled us to become aquainted and become close, but rather a clicking of our personalities, and sometimes have thought wouldn't it be great if it worked this way with the opposite sex. of course physical attraction would have to come in to play. just kind of happen upon someone with whom i could laugh, talkrto, and just hang with, and then also a romantic level. i wouldn't be interested in a friend i might meet now who took issue with how i am. having had dated a lot of schnooks in my day, i would have been happy to have met someone with a physical deficit over the emotional and lack of character deficits that they displayed.

a warm, pleasant friendly smile goes a long way, and any woman who doesn't see beyond isn't worthy.

good luck,

maria :friends: