Left Behind


daughter_of_light

Recommended Posts

i never came here before. i never sought help from the board.

i let others do the research for me. be my connection to support- while getting none myself.

 

now he's gone. and i feel all alone and lost.

 

wish i had done more. but what more was there?

my heart was broken when his stopped beating. this is true.

 

how do you go from care-giver to survivors left behind in the obituary?

how do you stop wondering if he has all he needs- and he's not here any more?

 

i never once thought he wouldn't beat this- not once. now he's gone- i feel like we both lost- i actually do.

 

one minute i feel like myself and laugh at something on tv-

then i feel guilty for feeling joy- when he feels nothing.

 

while passing by the radio, i hear the song that was played at the funeral. i never once heard it before. i've heard it twice this week. why?

 

a song from the past relayed the words:

where do we go from here, now that all of the children are growing up....

but where is the song that speaks of the father that has left us feeling as an adult orphan?

 

i loved him and now he has been in the ground for almost a week .... i can't hardly take it one more day-

and yet i literally have a lifetime a head of me

 

why can't science do something about strokes? why? people should never have to suffer the

indignities that so often accompany this tragedy.

 

families should never have to be left behind because of the stronghold that this beast has on our

loved ones- stealing them away- not all at once... but slowly- day by day... until our precious

parent is hardly recognizable and completely dependent, no longer ashamed to ask for whatever

help they need.

 

i am venting. i am whining. i am crying. i am hurt. but thank you for letting me do it all here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you. And I don't have any answers.

 

When my sister lost her husband ( heart attack) someone gave her a poem reminding that, when we say our wedding vows, we promise to love and to cherish until death separates us. Easy to say when we are young and our lives are ahead of us but when the inevitable happens, we have to remember that "one must go, the other must stay".

 

Please come here as often as you like to grieve, to cry, to vent. It's a great place and we have all found comfort and friendship through this board.

 

You are in my thoughts and prayers.............Rosie

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Daugher of light,

 

Having lost both of my parents I understand the gut-wrenching feelings you are going through right now. The sense of loss is profound and there is nothing anyone can do or say to make this time in your life more bearable. But I promise you that the grieving process does get easier in time---little by little---and you will eventually find the acceptance and peace that you need to move forward in your life. You have to believe that.

 

Come back and vent whenever you need some cyber hugs. We give the best on the web. You might also try to find an on-line support site or a local support group for people who have lost a loved one. Ask your funeral director recommendation if you think local bereavement support could help.

 

Jean :friends:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello to you, and I certainly understand your loss, as a survivor myself, I feel what you are going thru and try to see my own wife being faced with the same situation. Somestimes, I seem to feel things are slowing down in my long road to recovery.

 

I think at this time, if you can take one day at a time, keep your faith while considering that what we go thru on this earth, our reward is on the other side. Some of us are called home before others, but we learn in due time to accept our loss and somehow we gain the strength to keep moving as our loved ones would want us to do for them.

 

Stay strong in a time of physical weakness, and consider that our love one has no more pain and suffering, and is now at peace. We have to find inter peace for our lives now that we have suffered a loss. My prayers goes out to you for comfort at this time of his home going.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so sorry for your loss. I have thought myself about everything you wrote and how would I cope and get on. I don't know how but I do believe in God and support groups. I found this site by AARP comforting and informative when my Dad and my Brother passed away. http://www.aarp.org/families/grief_loss/ Know I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As well as being caregiver for my husband I also nursed my Dad through the last stages of cancer.

 

Like you I mourned the loss of dignity of a once brilliant and compassionate man.

 

But we will always bear their memories and be their living memorial.

 

Cold comfort for you now I know but now I look back and say:"There will always be someone who loves you Dad, while I have breath in my body."

 

Sue.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thank you for all of the kind / supportive posts.

 

it is better. i can think of him and not cry (most of the time).

 

but i still find myself actually speaking out loud, that i can't believe he's gone. i can't believe it.

 

i was so utterly and completely convinced that at some point, one day he would get better. i believed it with all of my heart. i told him so all of the time.

 

i'm sure that is why ... in fact i know it is... it's so hard to believe. maybe i never should have told him this. he always nodded when i said it.

 

but- i know he is in a better place. my hubby tells me this all of the time. i know he is walking around now and probably trying to run everything by just raising his eyebrows and holding up one hand, as if to say "i mean it now."

 

i didn't realize that you could love someone this much even when they are gone... but i do and somehow it seems to give me comfort too.

 

any way... thanks for your online love. it's appreciated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:mellow: Hi Daughter of light.

 

Welcome, and sorry for your loss..I have been there loosing my husband of 12years to Sleep Apnea..He died in his sleep..

I lost my best friend, a wonderfull husband and father of six..

Some time passed and just when I had given up hope of finding someone just as wonderfull to share my life I met my present husband..

We were married only 3 years and one week after our 3rd anniversary he had a stroke. I was devastated I asked God what have I done, why is he punishing me.

Just when our lives were going so good anther tragedy struck us..Those first days I was preparing to be a widow again, all the while hoping and praying that God spare him, no matter how he comes back to me..

He did, He is not the same man I married 5years ago but he is with us and that is all that matters..

God spared him for a reason. Many say that our chance meeting was for a reason too. Had I not have been with him the outcome of his stroke would have been more devastating. He lived alone..He too was a widower and had lost his wife of 33 years four years prior..

I now like to think that my late husband and his late wife are together in heaven looking out for us..

The thougth of loosing him has crossed my mind many times..His mother suffered from mini strokes before she passes away..

Thankfully he had only that one, but suffers from seizures, and that worries me too.

I am not going to dwell on what if but focus on what can we do now to make him better..

 

I have a friend that lost her dad just before thanksgiving and is still mourning his loss..

 

You come ahead grieveand went all you want,,we are here to support each other.

 

Take care

 

Angie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your loss is also our loss, I'm sorry to hear this news, but as you stated, "he has gone on to a better place with no suffering", we will miss him as a survivor here with us. You have my condolences.

 

Come back and vent as you wish if that will bring about any comfort for you during these trying times in your young life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Daughter of light, I am truly sorry for your loss, and I know words don't bring alot of comfort but maybe knowing there are people here that care can help give you some piece of mind. I lost one of my brothers to colon cancer in 2003 the same year I stroked so I know how it feels to lose our loved ones. I know it sounds impossible now but as time goes by your pain that you feel will become less and hopefully you'll have the peace that you need and want. God Bless and hugs....rose

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Daugher of Light , I was caretaker to my husband when I was 29, he was on a dialysis machine, I ran it three days a week. no kidney center near us so they trained me for home care. I was a widow at 30 with a teenager.

 

It is hard lsoing your best friend and the hours of routine are gone.. hard to replace an know what to do for awhile..

 

Hope is what we hang onto and keeps us going.

 

It doesn't see, like much now, but it does get easier in time ...remembering the happy times and the love and care you gave.

 

When I least expected and was definately not looking a wondeful man came into my life...

I am now the survior and without his love, support and encouragement I know I would not be where I am today.

 

Take time to grieve, acceptance will come with time. Know you did the very best and your love and loyalty was appreciated.

 

Best wishes to you and am sorry for your loss

Bonnie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

just checking in.

 

i'm doing better each day it would appear.

 

on the other hand, my family feel i'm "not myself"

 

i'm probably not. i realize i am truly fighting a battle of depression. but, i'm sure i will win. just have to keep my children in mind- and remind myself, that my dad is the one that went thru an incredible battle as an uncomplaining survivor and i s/b no less.

 

what a hero our survivors are in our lives. we sometimes think of the misery, work, challenge, frustration and fatigue we face-

 

but how would i respond if i were on that side? i don't know. true, i suffer with chronic pain that keeps me limited. but i can say, think and do most what i want. i'm not completely over-whelmed by my situation as my dad, and so many others are.

 

what an example of dignity in life we can learn from them while they are here and remember and honor after they are gone.

 

so, yes. thank you to all who have posted and encouraged me in my unexpected and unwanted loss of my father. i have lost someone i loved more than i can express- but what a memory i have of him, to teach me and my children for a lifetime.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear hrici phos

PLS. ALLOW ME A PARALYZED RECOVERING STROKE FELLOW HELLENE PATIENT

SUGGEST THAT YOU CONSIDER SEEKING PROFFESSIONAL MEDICAL SUPPORT AND PRESCRIBED APPROPRIATE MEDICINAL ASSISTANCE TO HELP

EASE YOUR DEPRESSION

Aristeides Petropoulos

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ahh... thanks for thinking of my emotional well-being.

BUT... as i am a chronic pain sufferer with some significant health issues... two doc's have each bonded together to see that i am as medicated as possible :blush:

j/k but seriously i am already being treated for depression- it's just that all of this has stirred up some stuff in me- that i have to work to keep a handle on it so it doesn't get the better of me.

 

i promise- i'll be alright- i'm the daughter of light.

 

Dear hrici phos

PLS. ALLOW ME A PARALYZED RECOVERING STROKE FELLOW HELLENE PATIENT

SUGGEST THAT YOU CONSIDER SEEKING PROFFESSIONAL MEDICAL SUPPORT AND PRESCRIBED APPROPRIATE MEDICINAL ASSISTANCE TO HELP

EASE YOUR DEPRESSION

Aristeides Petropoulos

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi daughter of light, while medication can help ( and I am on medication) you still have to work through the gireving process, this a normal, part of losing a loved one. We know they are in a better place.

 

But it is us who miss them...

Also when you have a routine of taking care of someone and all of a sudden that routine is gone... it is a big piece mssing and you re learn how to fill your days again...

 

I understand the emotional roller coaster and time really does help. Grief support groups are something you might want to look into or even doing some voluntter work at a local hospital or nursing home.

 

Best wishes to you

Bonnie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.