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what can i say every morning not to be so its depressian? when i get up this way and i still feel this way 3 or 4 hours after waking, i can write to the group again. i exercised and practice reading again early, make my funny "funny faces" in the mirror and hand exercise, but i keep think it's another day. tomorrow it will be another day, then another day, etc. many have more than "another day" days than i have had. what do you or say another day better that works for you. i don't know what to say. what's wrong w/me? it's 9 months--we'll i feel better after 1 year--maybe feeling there is a magic "i'm getting bettter" the first year. someone said because 1st year, you're more accepting. something, i can't see i'll feeling better. the stroke is always on my mind. there's nothing than the strope. is its for everyone? that's why i feel God's punishment me and i had something like a stroke. if its always to be this way i want out. do others feel this way? today i feel i know i can't go on for so many months, monyhs.... please can anyone tell me. i can't believe God would let people live like for this--so useful.

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Many days I feel the same way but 9 months is still a very short time. Some day you will get up and find that you can do something new and get so excited about. Try to do something different every day and maybe it will surprise you. Hang in there. Do you take meds for depression? xanax helps a lot for me. You will be in my thoughts and prayers every morning. God bless and keep the faith, a time will come when you will feel acceptance and live in the new life God has for you. It is very hard when having bad days but good days will be joyous

Hugs

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HEY MOMPAULI - -

 

VERY, VERY HEARTFELT GREETINGS TO YOU. PLEASE LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF. MY NAME IS FATE HOPKINS. I AM NEW TO THE SITE ALSO, BUT AM KNOWN AS "TWIST OF FATE" HERE. YOU CAN LEARN MORE ABOUT ME BY GOING TO MY PROFILE, PICS, AND READING WHAT I'VE ALREADY WRITTEN HERE AT OTHER TIMES. I HAVE BEEN MONITORING YOUR POSTINGS A COUPLE OF DAYS NOW AND I'M NOT BASHFUL OR SHY ABOUT JUMPING RIGHT IN. I JUST WANT TO KIND OF GET A FEEL OF WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM FIRST. I AM A 50 YEAR OLD STROKE VICTIM AND SURVIVOR. A LITTLE OVER ONE YEAR AGO, OUT OF NOWHERE, I WAS HIT AND I SUFFERED A BLEED RESULTING FROM A VERY LOW PLATELET COUNT DUE TO LIVER PROBLEMS. I BLEW MY NOSE TOO HARD AND WA-LA, MY LIFE CHANGED FOREVER. I MANAGED TO WALK UP THE STEPS TO MY CABIN AND CALL FOR HELP BEFORE I LOST COMPLETE CONTROL OF MY RIGHT SIDE. AS THE PARAMEDICS CAME TO MY RESCUE, IT ALL SEEMED LIKE SLOW MOTION. BUT IN FACT THERE WAS A LOT OF ACTIVITY GOING ON AROUND ME. MY 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WITNESSED IT AND MY MOTHER WAS WHO I HAD MANAGED TO CALL AND WAS THEREFORE FIRST ON THE SCENE. SHE CALLED 911 FOR ME. I INSTINCTIVELY KNEW MY LIFE HAD CHANGED AND WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN AS THEY CARRIED ME DOWN THE STEPS TO THE AMBULANCE.

 

MOMPAULI, I WON'T GO INTO ALL THE DETAIL, BUT MY RIGHT SIDE BECAME INSTANTLY IMPAIRED FROM THE STROKE. I TRIED TO TALK, BUT WORDS JUST JUMBLED OUT OF MY MOUTH, MAKING NO SENSE TO ANYONE. I TRIED TO GET OUT OF MY HOSPITAL BED AND CRASHED HEAD-FIRST ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR, MAKING A HUGE GOOSE-EGG JUST ABOVE MY RIGHT EYE. I WAS IN MUCH MORE TROUBLE THAN I COULD EVEN IMAGINE. A COUPLE OF DAYS INTO THE STROKE, THE DOCTORS MANAGED TO EVEN THINGS OUT AS FAR AS THE BLEED WAS CONCERNED. AT FIRST THERE WAS TALK OF PERHAPS HAVING TO "GO IN" TO RELIEVE PRESSURE, BUT THAT WAS SOON RULED OUT DUE TO THE STILL LOW PLATELET COUNT.

 

SO THEN I STEADIED FROM THE STROKE AND WAS PUT ON OBSERVATION, SUBJECT TO CHANGE ANYTIME. CLOSE TO TWO WEEKS INTO THE STROKE/REHAB, I CONTRACTED A VERY, VERY NASTY STAPH INFECTION, WHICH WAS DOUBLY HARD ON ME DUE TO A CHRONICALLY DEPLETED IMMUNE SYSTEM (AGAIN, FROM THE LIVER DAMAGE). INDEED NOW I WAS IN FOR THE FIGHT OF MY LIFE. I QUICKLY WENT FROM A 205 POUND ATHLETIC MAN TO A 140 POUND SHADOW OF MY FORMER SELF. THE STAPH WAS EATING ME ALIVE AND THE DOCTORS COULD NOT FIND ITS ORIGIN AND THEREFORE COULD NOT STOP IT RAVAGING ME. AT ONE POINT MY MAIN DR. CAME INTO THE ROOM AND TOLD MY FIANCE ON A THURSDAY THAT THEY SHOULD GET MY AFFAIRS IN ORDER BECAUSE THEY DID NOT EXPECT ME TO SURIVE THE WEEKEND!! EVERYONE WAS SO SCARED, BUT I SWEAR I WAS SO DETERMINED AND I WANTED TO LIVE SO MUCH --REGARDLESS OF THE STROKE OR ANYTHING ELSE. TO PLAY WITH MY DAUGHTER, TO PLAY GUITAR, TO MAKE MUSIC, TO HEAR AND SEE THE PEOPLE I LOVE LAUGHING AND HUGGING ME, AND TO FEEL THE SUN ON MY FACE ONCE AGAIN. I WAS SO DETERMINED TO DREDGE UP EVER OUNCE OF FORTITUDE I'D BEEN BLESSED WITH AND FIGHT HARD---LIKE A CRAZY MAN!

 

AND IN THE MIDST OF IT ALL, WHEN THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN THEIR BLEAKEST, WITHOUT A DOUBT, A LIGHT THAT I'D ALWAYS HEARD ABOUT ALL MY LIFE, BUT PAID VERY LITTLE ATTENTION TO, NOW SHOWN BRIGHT AND DIRECTLY INTO MY HEART. NOW, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS TO BE A BELIEVER AND TO BE SPIRITUAL AND TO REALIZE MY GOD.

 

BUT MOMPAULI, AS SURE AS I AM WRITING THIS TO YOU, I WAS TOUCHED AND I WAS SAVED FROM ANY MORE DAMAGE, MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY. AND I HAD AN INCREDIBLY OVERBEARING FEELING THAT ALL I HAD TO DO WAS TO ANSWER THE BELL EVERY DAY AND I WAS GONNA MAKE IT. AND I WAS GONNA GET BETTER, AND I WAS GONNA PROSPER. FIVE MONTHS LATER, I WALKED OUT OF THE HOSPITAL ON A WALKER, WEAK AS A KITTEN. I HAD NO BUTT.. :( ..MY LEGS WERE LIKE BROOMSTICKS AND MY ARMS TOO. AND I HAD ALWAYS BEEN A WELL-PUT-TOGETHER ATHLETIC OUTDOORSY LEADER OF THE PACK. BUT NOW I FELT SO BLESSED TO JUST FEEL THE SUNSHINE, FEEL THE BREEZE, AND TO SEE LIFE GOING ON ALL AROUND ME. I KNEW I HAD A MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB AND I ALSO KNEW I HAD PLENTY OF HELP. A DEAR, DEAR FIANCE, WHO STAYED WITH ME PRACTICALLY NONSTOP AND SLEPT IN CHAIRS IN MY ROOM. AND USED HER PARAMEDIC KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS TO MAKE SURE THAT ALL TOO OFTEN INEPT NURSING STAFF DIDN'T DO ANY MORE DAMAGE TO ME.

 

I MUST RIGHT HERE MENTION THAT I WAS INCREDIBLY BLESSED BY A TEAM OF DOCTORS AND ONE IN PARTICULAR, AND INFECTIOUS DISEASE DOCTOR, WHO WOULD NOT STOP NO MATTER WHAT THE COST OR THE TIME SPENT. HE WAS DETERMINED TO FIND THE STAPH INFECTION SITE THAT WAS KILLING ME AND STOP IT....AND STOP IT HE DID. OTHERS HAD ALREADY GIVEN UP ON ME. I OWE MY LIFE TO THIS MAN AND TO GOD AND KNOW THAT I HAVE A HERO FOR LIFE. HE'S EVEN AGREED TO BE MY BEST MAN AT MY AUGUST 11TH WEDDING COMING UP.

 

I'M BACK IN A NEW HOME NOW, ONE WITH NO STAIRS TO CLIMB, OUT IN THE COUNTRY WHERE IT'S SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL AND I OPERATE WITH THIS THOUGHT TO LIVE BY........A BAD DAY IS A GIFT....AND A GOOD DAY IS A TREASURE ..!!

 

MOMPAULI, I WILL NOT EVEN TRY TO PRETEND IT'S NOT A STRUGGLE. THIS PAST WINTER WAS PARTICULARLY HARD ON ME. THERE ARE DAYS THE WHOLE RIGHT SIDE OF MY BODY FEELS LIKE A DEAD PIECE OF WOOD. YET, MY ARM OR MY LEG FEEL LIKE THEY'RE IN A HORNET'S NEST. I WALK WITH A CANE, IF I FEEL LIKE IT. I FIND IT COMES IN QUITE HANDY SOMETIMES. I EVEN USE MY WALKER OCCASIONALLY IF I'M FEELING PARTICULARLY WEAK AND UNSTEADY. I'M ON A DAILY REGIMAN OF MEDICATION THAT I PROBABLY WILL BE ON THE REST OF MY LIFE. THERE ARE DAYS WHEN I CAN'T THINK CLEARLY AND I CAN'T SPEAK CLEARLY, THERE ARE DAYS I'M WAY EMOTIONAL AND THERE ARE DAYS WHEN I THINK I WOULD GLADLY TRADE A YEAR OF LIFE TO FEEL "NORMAL" FOR EVEN 5 MINUTES.

 

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? EVERYONE AROUND ME TELLS ME TO LISTEN TO MY OWN SELF----MY OWN HEARTBEAT, MY OWN THOUGHT PROCESS, MY OWN BODY. AND I DO!!!! AND I ALWAYS WILL. ALL THE THERAPISTS, DOCTORS, NURSES, WELL MEANING FRIENDS AND FAMILY THAT HAVE TRIED TO PUSH ME ONE WAY OR THE OTHER....TO DO MORE.... OR TO DO LESS..... OR TO JUST DO DIFFERENT.....HAVE BEEN LEFT IN THE DUST. I AM ALREADY AHEAD OF THEIR GAME BY FOLLOWING GOOD ADVICE TO NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SETTLE, AND ALWAYS DO EXACTLY WHAT MY OWN BODY KNOWS IT'S READY FOR!!!! NEVER, EVER SELL YOUR FORTITUDE SHORT AND NEVER, EVER DOUBT THE POWER OF PRAYER!!

 

DEAREST MOMPAULI - I HAVE READ OF YOUR ANGUISH IN YOUR POSTINGS AND I GOT TO TELL YOU, IT DON'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY. PROVE TO YOURSELF YOU HAVE DRIVE, YOU HAVE FORTITUDE, YOU HAVE A HEART, AND YOU HAVE A DESIRE, AND YES WE WERE DEALT THE UNEXPECTED, AND SURE, IT'S UNFAIR. BUT I GUARANTEE YOU IT DOES GET BETTER AND ANY DOOR THAT SHUTS ON YOU, WILL LEAD TO THE OPENING OF ANOTHER. A WAY UNEXPECTED ONE PERHAPS, BUT ALWAYS A NEW AND BETTER ONE. YOU KNOW WHO I AM. I AM A FRIEND, AND A GOOD MAN. FEEL FREE TO CALL ON ME AND MY GUARDIAN ANGEL, CATHY (MY FIANCE). WE CARE. LET YOUR NEW LIFE BEGIN.

 

SINCERELY,

 

FATE

 

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I understand your frustration. Like Fate, I had a bleed - mine was in the right hemisphere, misdiagnosed or rather, not caught in time, by the ER when I went to the hospital, so I had the big bad bleed, and ut caused the stroke. I spent 30 days in the hospital, and I am adapted to the wheelchair - I try to walk, but I lose my balance, my toes curl under, spasticity owns my left side and I can't trust my body to cooperate for walking very far.

 

Depression is a disease, too. The neurological damage to our brain can cause depression. The changes in our lives, tangible and intangible, effect us emotionally and physically. No wonder we become depressed.

 

I suffered from depression before the stroke. It is inherited within my family, but I also have survived traumatic life events that were catalysts for depressive episodes, such as being widowed at age 21 with two small children, my daughter diagnosed with HIV, the death of four family members in a one-yea time frame - there have been some difficult situations to cope with. Therapy and anti-depressants, supoort from friends and family... and faith.

 

As soon as I was in recovery, my doctors prescribed Zoloft, which has worked for me in the past. I don't dare miss a dose, or I will lapse into a depressive episode. It doesn't keep me from having bad days - we ALL have bad days and good days - but I am able to keep my eye on tomorrow.

 

I have a plaque in my bedroom, right over my bed, where I see it regularly. My sister gave it to me. "Live each day as if it were the first day of the rest of your life" -

 

Are you on an anti-depressant? My doctor tried to change me to Cymbalta last year, and I became very depressed within three weeks and had horrible nightmares - I had to quit taking it, wait a few days and go back to Zoloft, then it took about a week to get back on track again. Different drugs react differently on people - if something isn't working, talk to your doctor, ask to change to something else.

 

Are you getting any sunshine? Sunshine helps raise seritonin levels. It doesn't have to be much. KJust a little sun will do. Go outside, look at the flowers, watch the birds and butterflies. Do you have a cat or dog? Pet your animal. Petting animals is therapeutic and also helps aleviate depression by the sensory touch of the human contact with the unconditional love of our pets.

 

I am self-training my service dog, Greta. I got her as a 5-week old Yellow Lab mix puppy from the SPCA, so she has known me only in the wheelchair. We've always had pets, but I knew nothing about training a service dog, especially from a wheelchair. The bond I have with Greta is indescribable.

 

Music. Play music that you like to sing to. Singing raises our spirits. I like to sing hymns - or songs I learned as a child from my mother, or at school - don't laugh, but I like to sing songs from Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music - and I am just a southern girl who likes to sing to the radio, or to the grandchildren.

 

It's normal to be depressed, but don't stay that way. Ask the doctor about meds, laugh when you can,, and try think positive - I know it's easier said than done. I don't have answers, but I do understand.

 

Blessings,

Hera

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.

 

Thank you, Fate...I need to be counting my blessings more often..there has never been a bleed for them to point to, but I've been having progressive "episodes" over the past 6 years and now my right leg and face are numb..still moving...but slower. The past 3 weeks since the last one have been depressing....thanks again!!.....fadingfast

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Great Replies from Fate, Hera and Sandy!!!

 

I also don't believe illness is a punishment from God. I believe in a loving, forgiving God. Ilness of all types happen to all ages. Infants, babies...

 

Stroke is no picnic, no walk in the park, but neither is any ilness.. and a stroke is not terminal.. We have been spared. Give another chance.. for what reason? I don't know, maybe we each need to find out own reason.. maybe we will never know. To help others, to become closer to our families.. a time to slow down and be aware of the world, the joys we would miss if we were not here.

 

I am thankful to watch my grandchildren grow, for the time with my husband and childre, the love of my animals. For the smell of Spring rain ... to watch new flowers and baby birds.

 

When you wake in the morning, brush your hair wash your face and smile at yourself in the mirror and say Good Morning .. it's going to be a good day, I am going to find something to make me smile today, wheter it is to look out the window and watch the birds or keep an eye on some flowers blooming, the laugh of a child, a snuggle with your pet and a wet kiss on you cheek.

 

Your are Alive, it may be a hard struggle, your life may not be what it was before, but that doesn't mean it is crummy, it is just different...

 

Rejoice and be Happy when you do something new, even if it is to wiggle a finger.. To walk with your walker.

 

Share with us something new you can do and you can see how excited we will be with you.

 

Three years ago I was dragging my leg around with me, today I walk un aided and I cook dinner.

 

Yes there are things from my "old" life I miss, but I try not to look back but ahead.

 

Try each day to something new... even if it seems small to you.. Reach forward try to not compare yourself to how you were before stroke hit you, compare what you can do now, to the days right after....

 

You are on the computer, you have found this site and you have met a group of people who understand. Who are on the same road...

 

((((((((((((HUGS))))))))) Bonnie

 

 

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Guest veggie.vampire

I am very sorry for how you feel but can't help seeing all those so much worse off yet happy. Do discuss how you feel with a GP, he or she can help in a number of ways. With stroke in time I hear there comes an acceptance I've not yet reached.

Diane

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mompauli,

 

You are certainly entitled to your feelings, beliefs, opinions and other things that makes freedom of choice a great thing in the free world. I tend to feel the opposite of you. I feel he is and has certainly blessed me in my case. Ofcourse my feelings are based on me accepting him as my personal Lord and saviour. Then having been reared by my dear old mother who depended on him for all of her life.

 

Sometimes I wonder where would I be if I had not followed her guidance during my upbringing. I see so many young men going to prison for choices they made contrary to them knowing right from wrong.

 

Perhaps one day before long, your feelings may change and you will be a changed person with a different point of view about God. :scooter:

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mompauli -

 

Try changing your perspective a little. This isn't God's punishment, it's your opportunity. I have always found that wherever and whenever I have a challenge I think I can't face, something amazing comes from it. You have to see that you are meant to take a new turn in life. I just don't believe that God punishes us or creates obstacles to our belief in Him. He creates new opportunities for us to be there for others and to slow down and see what is next in life.

 

Bless you - be strong - D

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This is a very timely topic.

 

I don't spend much brain energy thinking about God this or God that, but maybe I should. I don't know...

 

I know that all my tomorrows will be "another day" unless I make them not that way. I am three years out and I still look at tomorrow as just another day. What I need to do is create one or more dreams to put in those tomorrows, so I'll have something to look forward to. I am not at all happy with this life right now and my only option is to change it. Creation of new dreams after what we went through is not easy at all, since almost all those dreams were based on many things the stroke took away and any new dreams are based on who you are now (which we may not be all that thrilled with). OK, so I may know that this is a possible solution, but it is one thing to know something and something entirely else to do it.

 

FYI - I don't mean to offend anyone, but I don't believe in the thought that I am a "survivor" should make me happy. To me, all it means is that I beat the odds. I suspect that (for several of us) all it does is make others around you a lot happier.

 

Question: for those of you that made new dreams, what process worked for you?

 

Larry

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DEAR BONNIE - - - -

 

BOY HOWDY!!!!!!!!!! AMEN TO YOUR POSTING!!!!!!! MORE SOULFUL AND UPLIFTING WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN.....YOU ARE RIGHT ON TIME FOR MOMPAULI - MYSELF - AND ANYONE ELSE READING!!!! WHAT A TREAT AND A WONDERFUL WAY TO CAP OFF A GLORIUS AND BLESSED MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND ---HALLELUAJH TO A PROFOUND HEART. COME ON Y'ALL - WE CAN ALL DO THIS!!

 

AND TO LARRYMM - - I BELIEVE A START IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION WOULD BE TO NOT BE SO OVERLY CONSUMED WITH WHAT OTHERS THINK OR MAY NOT THINK - BUT TO FOCUS ON SMALL AND OBTAINABLE GOALS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION IN THE PURSUIT OF YOUR VERY OWN HAPPINESS. I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR OTHER THOUGHTS ON THIS MATTER FROM YOU AND OTHERS. WHAT IS AN EXAMPLE OF YOUR AVERAGE DAY?? PERHAPS KNOWING MORE HOW YOU SPECIFICALLY SPEND YOUR TIME AND YOUR FEELINGS SPECIFICALLY ABOUT YOUR DAILY ACTIVITIES, FAMILY/FRIEND SUPPORT SYSTEM, ETC. WOULD HELP US TO BETTER HELP YOU.

 

IN ALL SINCERITY - -

 

FATE

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Of course you would believe your stroke was caused by God when religious leaders blame him for Ariel Sharon's stroke.

 

Personally I think there is a reason for everything God does. I hope he will explain it all to me when I see him.

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Hi,

I thought the stroke was a punishment too, and did for a long time. Every day seemed like the last, never-ending. But it gets easier. And a year seems like a very long time, but you'll be suprised how quickly it passes. As you get to know yourself again and push your limits things will ease up. Hang in there!

HUGS--Maggie

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i really don't know what has made me so impaired, but i don't thibnk i'm being punished. strokes just happen. i has my 1st of 3 strokes in '88, and surgery in '03. it's too bad. litterally. i was very depressed and felt sorry for myszelf for 3 years. i ho'pe i'm over it, and i can move on. i take meds for depression, and now meditate. u, too, can move on. the future is in yhour hands. i hope you make a worthwhile one. if u want to, please PM me for support.

phil

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I think many of us can relate to your feelings. It has been over 3 years for me-I am now 49 and have come a long ways. I had a brain abnormality (AVM)-had major bleed and ultimately had it surgically removed resulting in a massive stroke. I can walk with a brace-have no use of left hand or arm and suffer from central pain. My walk is not pretty but I get around. It has been slow going-thats an understatement. It takes a long time to accept your disability. I have come to that acceptance but it has really been in the last year. The first year you think you will fully recover-when that is no longer a possibility-reality begins to set in. Of coarse many stroke survivors fully recover but thats not a possibility for some of us-the damage was too great. Take pride in any new accomplishment-I still do. I have faith that God has his or her reasons that I will never understand. It comes down to having faith-I have been angry at God too but he forgives me. Give yourself time to moarn your loss. Hugs, Abby

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i also agree with hera-get an evaluation by a psychiatrist, and consider taking antidepressant medication.

it's not a weakness to ask for help.

 

thanks for hearing me. i am seeing psychrist and he has now changed dozes of my meds. after last changes he told me that he'll try the doze change but no on can really help me. i need to change attitude. i've working for so long getting exercises, etc, for the last nine months every day why would they feel i want to be depressed. i can't help myself. i would do anything not to hurt so much inside. my husband

also things i could wish this away. i thinks of ways to end it all. its what i want but i don't anyone to find me and stop me mid-way and stop it so i'll worst and end locked in a hospital. i was supposed to die even the doctor said so. i know this was not fighting for to keep alive to feel always like this. i don't think i can sit here, be useless more months and months for no how long it will be. i want to scream, shout, let loose to let go,

 

 

 

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Try not to judge your present by your past. Work to accept your "new normal" and work from there, this isn

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.

 

 

Be assured, God is not punishing you, Adamic sin [man's sins] has caused sickness -

I had my stroke in 1985 at age 39 :Tantrum: , and have never blamed God - life happens [i was born with bleed] a defect, so I must make best of it, and blame myself if I don't recoup to my best

Have a great week, :big_grin: smile God loves you

June, from seashore in CT :cheer:

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Hi, another to add their two cents..while my stroke at 42 was not from a bleed but from a chiropractor tearing the artery in my neck, I remember that sucko mindbending, depressing first year. IT IS THE WORST BUT THEN IT WILL BECOME BETTER WITH YOUR OWN WORK AND FAITH IT WILL BE BETTER.

 

It definetly put me on a journey, at first it was harrowing and depressing and discouraging (the first year took forever) but then it gets better with each year... No one has said (unless I missed it), THE FIRST YEAR IS THE HARDEST EMOTIONALLY, BUT OFT TIMES, PHYSICALLY YOU MAKE GOOD STRIDES.

 

I am approaching my 4th year ( :Clap-Hands: ) and the difference is HUGE. :big_grin: :beer: :cheer: Be patient, be kind to yourself and others, and do not view this as some sort of punishment. Negative thoughts only hinder your progress.

 

It will really say alot about you and your inner strength.

 

Now when I'm wishing I were not here in the room at times due to the snottiness of teenagers(I have 2!), then I think, there was a time I had no use of an arm, a leg, I couldn't swallow, or eat, or write, walk, balance, or see too hot at night, or add. To hold my temper, and remember the angst of teenagehood, and keep the love I feel for my kids (after all they still are my children and essentially gifts from God (that I could have not even been here for these less than fun at times moments) I can bite my tongue. Who said I wouldn't still have trials to surpass? As my neuro says wouldn't it be nice if we got a pass from tough stuff due to surviving a stroke, but life does not work that way....

 

Due to what I have been thru and what seemed like some of the bleakest of days which I came thru. I will come thru other difficult times, and they'll pale when compared to my stroke. I had even missed being diagnosed by paramedics and sent on my way and I still made it, I don't think now why me. I think I must have a bit of a backbone and faith in the doctors and God and all the therapists to have never thought "why me" but "what can I do to make it back from this?" and to do my part when I have the most wonderful group helping me to get better to be better for my family.

 

The "old time strokers" know this story, but when I was in rehab there was a 350 pound, 6 foot 5 inch guy who also had been hit with a stroke and had to relearn to walk. I never heard Revie complain once, if anything it was always "give me more" when it came to exercises. He's a retired Chicago Bear from our era of the 80's, and his dedication to striving to make himself better caused him to volunteer to stay 3 MORE WEEKS in rehab, because he felt himself progressing. He left rehab, is back to his old job as a recruitor for a college and went on to finish the master degree he was in the middle of.....It can all be the goals one finds for themselves and whether they simply want to make it the "best life ya ever had" or not...Give yourself the first year and then start dictating how its gonna be not the other way around....don't let the stroke win in letting you lose yourself..

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.

 

so sorry you are hurting, but for me its been 20 yrs., and my keys are PRAYER, KEEPIN BUSY, MORE HARD WORK, LOTS PT, POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF -

Stroke is awful, but your days will improve when you feel better about yourself

 

GOD BLESS AND GOOD LUCK :cheer:

June, from CT

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hi - bless you first of all - my strokewas 2-1/2 years ago. it affected my left side completely paralyzed. at the time i lived alone, had a nice job nice gentleman friend and was very active. although for some reason i've been blessed not to be depressed, my life most certainly changed - actually some for the good - i got married; i retired (heck, i was ready although i was only 54 at the time); i can now relax and enjoy painting, reading or anything else - as others have said the flowers, sleeping late, many things i didn't have time to enjoy. i came home in a wheelchair, couldn't stand for 3 seconds literally, had a real tough time with transfers from the wheelchair to the bathroom or bed. i could have gone to stay with one of my daughters, but i was determined to EVENTUALLY be able to do many of the things i use to. that included walking, cooking and cleaning. i was absolutely thrilled when i was finally able to stand for 5 minutes and sloppily wash a dish. even more thrilled to be able to finally tie my shoes. BUT it was a very slow process and still is. just yesterday i braided my hair. it wasn't perfect, but so what. i recently ordered some new pretty clothes, even though i still walk like frankenstein - i can look pretty while i'm doing it. :big_grin: do things to make yourself happy whatever those things might be. give yourself something to look forward to everyday. me i play 1.00 in the lottery everyday, who knows i might just win big one day which will probably start out as just another day as you say . . . you never know! :dribble:

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Glaidice,

you are blessed, my stroke was 2 1/2 yrs ago, came home in wheelchair, learned to walk with more rehab. Was doing great in recovery, then one day I lost the use of my left arm/hand again, but I'm still getting by. Maybe one day it will return. I still drive and do most things myself.

 

In that sense I feel greatly blessed with an extension on life on this earth. I ask myself "what part of (Thou Shall Not) don't I understand."

 

I feel a person can disobey for just so long. Now, I try real hard to bow down to God's word and ask his forgiveness to those things I knew was wrong and I continued against his commandments to do wrong. In spite of my acts, he continued to love and bless me. What ever is done, I did to myself. I don't feel punished at all, just blessed by God.

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Guest lwisman

Glaidice,

 

Congratulations on your recovery so far. Attitude is key and it sounds like you have a great one!! :Clap-Hands:

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i had no support group to go to until i stumbled upon this site which has helped and continues to help me understand and recover. I THANK YOU ALL! :beer:

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Hi,

I hope you will come to the website very often. My inner strenghth is driven from reading the board messages and participating. It is a great haven for me to share my thoughts and my feelings. I have had two strokes, and they still don't know why. My main thing at first was to find out the "why" but after a year and a half I am now not asking but changing the course of my life to shift and adjust to the turn in the road my life has taken. I have found a lot of good as I don't ever take anything for granted anymore. In an instant my life changed, twice. I have found ways to adapt to the way I have to do things, which has been quite an adjustment. But looking back I can say I have come a long way over the time. The body needs a lot of rest to heal not only the physical but the emotional as well. I find music of great comfort to me. My husband works a full time job and is my caretaker. He is great as he is always there for me. I try to do the things I can, and only then does my husband offer a hand as he allows me to try to do as much as I can without injuring myself. I am not afraid of asking for his help if I need it. He knows me so well he can guess when I need assistance and when I don't. We cherish every minute of life we have as it is so precious. I am a true believer in God and don't know what I would have done without his strenghth. I find great comfort in reading the book of Psalms and saying prayers as I believe strongly in the power of prayer. I feel we have to look at the things we can do, but sometimes it is in ministeps as far as progress, and sometimes with a few steps backwards as well. I know God has a plan and I accept every day as a new day to try to do what I can and don't sweat the things I can't. I try to conserve as much energy physically and mentally for the things I need to do. It takes a lot of time and we need to allow ourselves to adjust as we are able and not by others standards. They think because you look good you should be like you were prestroke which I think is never the case as we are all changed in some way by the stroke. Allow yourself to be human as we have a lot of emotions and they seem to be at the forefront once you have had a stroke. I am looking at the opportunities and goals I set in small increments and try my best to reach them, if I don't attain them I don't beat myself up for them as just something for another day. Best wishes to you and I hope you find inner peace within yourself, which takes time.

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