Caregivers Can Just Leave


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Edee, this is an old post started in 2006 so it was in answer to a debate as Jean says right at the beginning about who had it worse, the stroke survior trapped in a body that no longer worked or the caregiver who could "get out any time". It was not about abusive relationships or violence as I recall. However I am guessing those are some of the issues in a situation where a caregiver does decide to leave.

 

Relationships are complex, we all know that. The reasons for marrying are many as are the reasons for leaving a marriage. My mother left my care to go to another level of care for many reasons, one of which was that I could not successfully look after both her and Ray. But 5 1/2 years later she is still going round and round in her dementia lodge and I still visit Mondays and Fridays and other times if I am called so I have not abandoned her or discontinued our relationship.

 

Caregivers and survivors either work together as a team or one or the other suffers. Caregivers need to access the appropriate help to deal with their problems and the difficulties they are experiencing. Survivors only make life worse for themselves if they curse and undermine their caregivers. In the struggle to survive it is best to have a good friend at your side. And families who undermine the primary caregiver are only harming the survivor, not helping them.

 

Caregivers are people with their own set of needs, let's hope for the sake of those we care for that compromises can always be reached.

 

Sue.

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Sue,

 

Thanks for the clarification about the post and the good advice. Your words of wisdom are greatly appreciated. Compared to many of you I, as a caregiver for only 10 months, am relatively new at this and can certainly benefit from the advice of those more experienced. Also, hearing the perspective from the survivors is extremely helpful.

 

Edee

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Guess I missed this when it was first posted but I applaud the original post. Thank you too Ann for bringing the Caregiver's Bill of Rights in front of us again.

 

It is a FACT that stroke survivors often have difficulties with emotional control. But some people seem to think that because they have suffered stroke or another difficulty, they have the right to misbehave. At this point I would ask why you would not respond to this person the same way you would if they were not a survivor.

 

I do not know Dave's heart but going on what was posted it sounds like his problem is more a matter of choice than a matter of stroke.

 

I would recommend getting help. If he refuses, so be it. You still deserve it.

Ruth

 

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