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srademacher

Am I Being Too Picky?

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Sarah,

In my opinion you are not being picky. Care giver for personal caring and grooming/attending and maid service would be two different jobs from mine and your points of view.

 

Being female, her own personal feelings may be holding her back from being too "touch" personal in attendance to Gary's needs like a regular nurse would be in a hospital setting. She probably feels like you see to his touchy needs as his wife and she's just there 3 times a week for 3 hours each.

 

On the other hand, you may have to look for more of a "nurse" like person that cares to spend time sitting, walking, helping him while you are out of the already cleaned house.

 

I bet someone would like a chance to make that money taking care of him 3 days a week.

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Hi Sarah,

 

I too believe that if you wanted a housekeeper, you would have hired one. (Might be a nice idea for you anyway if you can afford it, in conjunction with a caregiver, just to give you more time to take care of your own needs).

 

A caregiver should be there to attend to the needs of Gary when you need the time to do what you need to do.

 

As far as becoming your mother, I think many can relate to the fact we become like our parents as we get older; whether that's good or bad I don't know. I find myself doing things and saying things just like my father, and yes, sometimes it is scary. But I realize it, and you did too, so as long as you understand that you are doing it, I don't think you will ever be as "picky" as your mother was.

 

Finding a good caregiver is a tough nut to crack. When I first came home from the hospital, I had real good support from a local home health care service. You might see if there is one in your area. I had a nurse, two therapists, someone to help me with bathing and a social worker to help out with services available to me in the area. It was all covered by insurance as well.

 

I wish the best for you and Gary, and Happy Holidays.

 

Bob

 

 

 

 

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I found that hired caregivers were an assortment. We used an agency that will send different people until you find one that works for a year. We must have tried a half a dozen. It is difficult to find someone who does things as you like. In my situation I really needed someone who could on their own determine when to do things for me and when to step to the side and let me try myself. It took several months, but when we found the right person she was with me as long as I needed her - over a year.

 

You might try giving her a list of things to be done. Maybe the same schedule each time she comes. Maybe she could help with Gary's exercises, for example. That way she could get used to doing certain things. Don't put house cleaning on the list.

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.

 

Sarah,

 

I'm going to be odd-man-out here with my opinion because I know how truly hard it is to get good help to come into your house that you both trust and like personality wise. Too many "paid caregivers" turn out to be expensive baby-sitters who don't do anything but sit and watch. Having said that, here's what I'd do: Since Gary could fall when you are

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hi sarah, it sounds like to me that maybe she has a problem or two. first she sounds like she doesnt want to take care of gary. and if she cant sit still, i would wonder about drug use. did she have references, you could check with on how she worked with them. if she doesnt do what you want her to, its time to move on and find someone else. good luck and happy thanksgiving. kimmie

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Your the costomer! therefore you have the right to be picky, its your money your spending, so once again tell her that if she wants to keep the job then she will do as you ask, which is take care of Gary, not clean the house.

 

God Bless,

Tom

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I'm going to agree with Jean on this one. As a caregiver, I would have given anything for a few hours of "off" time and the bonus of having someone to help me with all the cleaning chores around here. Jeans suggestion seems like a good compromise. I wouldn't worry about "being like your Mother", we've all had the moment of realization when we look in the mirror and see our parents LOL...I think I was about 30 when I noticed I was just like her, and to be honest I'm pretty happy that I am!

Kimmie, not everyone that can't sit still is on drugs. I'm an extremely type A person and rarely sit still for more than ten minutes at a time and I'm not on drugs, although I probably could use some to slow me DOWN. I'm constantly finding "busy" work for myself at work and at home and I feel guilty if I just sit still and am not accomplishing anything.

Kristina

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Sarah -

As our parents are our first role models in our family of orientation, it is very possible that you picked up both good and bad habits of your parents, but since you are cognizant that you are being too picky, then try not to find fault with your caregiver and reexplain her duties t please you

June

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