adchill Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I have been reading the posts from many members and I just have a starange question. How do you accept? I know I have had a stroke but I still seem to want to know why, what, etc. Is this a strange question to ask or ???????? Amy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jwatrous Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 No way, Amy - I am 21 years post stroke, having stroked @ 39 :Tantrum: , and to this day @ 61, I still need answers, and wonder "why" I had so much taken away from me at only 39 :Tantrum: , but am thankful to be alive! Hope this has helped June :cheer: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Amy, Yours is not a strange question - it's a normal question and indicates, fortunately, your cognitive abilities were mot damaged or affected to the point that you don't have a clue as to what happenedor what is happening to you now. As you have read, all of us survivors and caegivers/families have been struck by the stroke demon :ranting: for whatever reason. I wouldn't classify myself as accepting of this incident :Tantrum: but rather as coping as I work each day towards becoming more independent. By reading posts and blogs one can gain much knowlege and insight into the world of stroke. May I suggest you start your own blog, where you can note what is happening in your life. Also, any one of us are available for PM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Budweiser Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I wouldn't classify myself as accepting of this incident :Tantrum: but rather as coping as I work each day towards becoming more independent. That is very interesting. Maybe for almost 2 years saying "I don't think i've accepted yet". Maybe I should try to look at the way you say "coping". I also think the most problem with me is dealing with my insurance because it was by a car accident. They keep tell me I have to this doctor and that doctor. The insurance keep asking the doctors "can we stop the speech therapy and can he go back to work?". I try to deal with just try living in society while the insurance want me to go to work. Therefore, i'm trying to cope with it. It would abit easier if they would stop bugging me. Yep, tomorrow is a new day. Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Bill, My stupid Neuro @#@#@ is one of the reasons I will not accept my stroke - this is because he told me in no uncertain circumstances I was not going any further in my progress, get over it, get a life :yadayada: Since I didn't want to face criminal charges I try to pursue each as a day closer to becoming a better "me". I have insrance challenges too so I empathize with you. I'm under my state's medical insurance who, because my recovery hasn't met "their" guidelines they won't pay for any more therapy. And they are a pain to have prescriptions approved. Honestly, I'm beginning to think all the "red tape" we each face is due to someone being paid to throw roadblocks in front of us - to challenge us a bit more. The old sayiing is that the sqeaky wheel get oiled. We all need big oil cans! :big_grin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Budweiser Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Donna I was told the oposent, While I was in the hospital the neurologist told me I would be back to normal in 3-6 months.umm almost 2 years and I still have hard problems. I'm happy that I can be independant now but unable to work as my language is not good. The doctors told my insurance that I had a stroke in the speech/language area so my insurance send out a surveillance tape on me. Get that, it was a silent tape. I had to see this with abit of doctors and the insurance asked if I can work and stop my speech now. Stuff like this is that makes it hard for me. I "cope" with it but it gets harder when the insurance comes out and pulls me back. I want to go forward but other people are holding me back. If they would leave me alone and let me do my speech therapy, I could "cope" with it alot better. I would be happier. We are in a similar boat. Oneway or another. I'm off to get another big can... :big_grin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HostAsha Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Amy: It took me close to 2 years accepting my new normal, and everyday something I am adding to that new normal, and loving my that side of personality, I believe that my stroke caused me to adjust my life's prirority, and I really thank God for that, I would have missed so much in my family life if stroke didn't happen, so today I am calm thankful and contributing member in my household, in my community, I volunteer at the drop of hat, and love it, I love it that I am even setting good example for kids in our neighbhourhood follow, adversity do strike but I m not going to get sidelined and bury myself in tears, I would go and make lemonade out of my lemon. BTW for me truly blogging has helped Asha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Acceptance ~ I think it comes gradually. It doesn't mean giving up or giving in.... I am a bit stubborn (according to those close to me..lol) I have come to accept that I had a brain injury. My brain doesn't work the way it used to.. I have found other ways to do certain things and have had to "re-learn" somethings. I have come to "grips" that I no longer think or move as fast. I have come to accept I can no longer return to work. Thay multi tasking is a thing of the past... for now. I still work on cognitive areas and challenging myself. I have learned that if I try running ... I land on my nose. I have learned to slow down.... Acceptance does not mean laying down and giving up.. to me it is about knowing and recognizing there is change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest veggie.vampire Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Eventually I reached a stage still of desperately wanting to improve, determined, questioning but also no longer feeling such utter despair about my situation, more a calmness. I didn't actively seek it, it crept up on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tina806 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 i am in the same boat as you amy because my stroke happened in 9/06. it is so hard to accect the "new" me. i think i will always wonder why??? and for sure my mom feels the same way. there is so much to "cope" with. and for sure, everday is different. no two days are the same. i hope this helps. christine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cam1960 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Hi Amy, This is relatively new to me too, and no, I haven't accepted it. Right now I'm working on differentiating between 'acceptance' and 'surrender'. To accept fate is to see myself as I am now. I may improve, I may not. But I can't waste the rest of my life grieving the loss or fearing another stroke. To surrender on the other hand, means giving up, sitting by the window thinking my life is over and I'll never hike in the mountains or live to see my greatgrandchildren. Hopefully I will gain acceptance, but don't ever think about surrendering! Everyone has heard this prayer, but I think it particularly fitting for us: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The strength to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference. :hug: Carol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mjh Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 I learned long ago NEVER to ask WHY about things if at all possible. Why not ask why? Because you will go round in circles for ever and never get a proper answer. As far as acceptance goes, it always makes me cringe when anyone says that something is "unacceptable". In most cases in this life we have little or no choice what to accept, it just IS. Sorry to sound a bit cynical. I tried to be more positive but it wasn't worth the effort! :giggle: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow55038 Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Hi, Amy: I just hit my nine-month stroke anniversary, and I have recently turned a corner on acceptance of the whole stroke experience. I accept that it happened and I can't take it back or changed what happened. . .accept the fact that I get so darn tired easily (and those at work or around me have just got to deal with that). . .accept the fact that certain songs on the radio will make me cry for no reason ("100 Years" by Five for Fighting gets me every time). . .accept the fact that I'm still angry for this huge hiccup in my life. The few things that have helped me cope are: journaling, talking with family, allowing myself to cry and listening to music. Find a few simple things that make you happy and go with it. I don't post much on this site, but I read it daily. I've learned so much by reading what others have to say. It's such a great forum, especially for those of us who are younger and trying to cope with stroke and its aftereffects. Hang in there, Amy! We're all pulling for you. Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mjh Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Wow! Karen, your comments definitely resonated with me - journalling, talking, crying, anger, frustration. I am nearly nine years post stroke and it's still a struggle. Martin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpinejunkie Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 For me I don't think I will ever accept that I had a stroke. I know some people can say they only look forward and that they don't look back. I can't do that. I wasn't the only one there before my first stroke on Oct. 17 2005 at 7:15 PM. So SO SO many people had helped me get to where I was in my life and helped me make my life what it had become; everybody from family, friends and my kids to teaches, instructors, counselors and yes even those people I don't thin I liked that much. For me to say, 'I accept what happened and I'm only looking forward, never back' is a slap in the face to each and every one of those people that helped me get to where I was before the thief came. It is like saying, 'thanks for the effort but oh well. I didn't really need it because I can do just as good no matter if you made an effort be there for me or not'. Hey I'm doing great. I'm carving out a life for myself. I'm growing and continuing my life but my past is there. Without a past there is no present, no future. My strokes are there and they stole a lot from me. I will search for the reason like a hungry dog searching for a scrap of food. During that search; my my life is going to grow and become what I and the people who are once again here for me make it. But no, I will never stop asking why and sit back in a zhen like peace and get philosophical and giggly about it. The reason I stroked is out there and it is going to be pursued.....like a scrap of garbage by a hungry dog! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 I have acceped the fact that I was attacked by the stroke demon :Argh: . I have also accepted the fact that I cannot return to the post stroke days - the past is the past. I have something to say though about the present and the future. I know I can never resolve the Why ME? Why any of us? I focus my days in becoming a better"me" - physically, mentally, emotionally, and independently. Some days are easier than others - but life is like that for everyone not just us in "our" world. I smile, laugh, and cry - I'm human. I have evolved in the past two years to pursue ways to not stay in the rut when I slide into one. It is my life for better or worse - I try to concentrate on the better - are highly infectious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slmstrokeangel Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 This "focus" you talk about keeps me going. I will never stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Hi Amy, I've struggled with these things, too. The struggle was most acute immediately following the stroke and then for the first year. I found peace by accepting the event was a part of my life and has changed my life forever. But, lots of things that have happened to me during my life that have had an impact on my present and future. Granted, stroke was the most immediate and had the biggest impact. I've accepted what happened and have accepted that I cannot go back to the "me" that existed prior to the stroke. What I haven't accepted is giving in to the temptation to give up. Life goes on and is meant to be lived, not just tolerated. And what I haven't accepted is that the "me" of this moment cannot improve... in so many different ways (and in ways that maybe I wouldn't have noticed or striven for as the old "me"). Now, I find looking back almost surreal... and certainly remember and accept, but am not defined by merely what was. I dont know if that helps.. kinda meandering thoughts... Good luck to you, be the best you that you can be. And, remember to smile... that helps bunches!! :big_grin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirby Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Hi Amy, It's been just 3 yrs for me, I've been accepting my new normal a little at a time. It's to big to take on all at once. Every once in a while something will come up and I have to remind myself, oh yeah, I can't do that any more. Sometimes it's ok and sometimes it's tough to take. But all you can do is keep going and move on to the next thing. I'm not always so phylosophical about it either. I have my moments. I think it takes a long time. Hang in there ! Maggie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suebee2 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Hi Amy and welcome. Some things are not meant to be accepted. I stoked at 49 and felt like I was 90. Those years feel like they were stolen from me and my family. Some days are better than others, but everyday is better than none. A lot of people don't even make it past their stroke, so we are the lucky ones. It has been 6 years, I can't imangine where they went. Hope you find some Peace and a few good days. Good Luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
preluki Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 HI AMY I don't know if accepting the stroke can ever take place, for me anyway. It just gets better. At times it hurts emotionally. Just looking at old photos of me used to upset me, especially compaired to the photos of me a few months after the stroke. However, recently I saw the same look in my eyes I had before the stroke and that made me feel much better. I don't break down nearly as much as I used to, but the emotions are still there. I am a stronger person, without a doubt. At times, I just wonder how other people could cope with what I went through. I also refuse to accept can't. God has a plan for me and who am I to question His will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady k Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 I ldon't think the stroke demon is affected by whether ot not I am accepting, it is in my life and just like anything else once it has happened you can only go into the future the past is set but the fuiture is still being forned, I acceot what I cannot change, do I wish Iit hadn;t happened, well sure but wishes on't change anything, taking my meds and exercising may change tomorrow, but wishes won't and I will never be what I was before I stroked, if nothing else I will always I the experiances I have gone through. I hope you find acceptance and are able to move on with your life. :laughbounce: :2cents: :hug: :hiya: :dribble: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksaul Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 hi amy, yours is not a strange question at all! i guess my answer is why not you? why not me as well. nature is very indifferent and really has no mercy. for thase reasons i feel it is vital that we accept the help and love we are offered. i will never know why this happened to me - i was in good shape, exercised, no high blood pressure or smoking. the important thing is to give in -yes, it did happen - BUT NOT TO GIVE UP! so easy to say - so hard to do. i don't know if this helps - i hope so- cheers! KATHY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merichsen Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Amy, Iam 2 1/2 years post and I don't know if I'll ever really be able to really accept it. I've learned to be thankful for it. Of course you ask what nut would be thankful for a stroke? I have 2 social aquaintances who have had 15 & 16 year old sons commit suicide,if life was going to throw curves, I'd take my stroke any day. With every limp I'm grateful I'm me and not them. How do you ever get passed that? i'm not trying to make light of how you feel. i completely understand, i often feel the same way. I was just trying to give you my thoughts. Acceptance is not necessarily saying I'm completely okay with this, but rather accepting that it happened and how it has impacted your life and what you have chosen to do with that. As I said earlier i cope and accept by rationalizing that a stroke is not the worst thing in the world, and one in which at least gives me some choices. The women I mentioned have no choices, there is no turning back, no hope for improvement. Sorry I'm rambling I'm sure you get the point. I'm with you, this stinks, it's horrible, I want my life back too, it hurts, but there are worse things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phyllis4732 Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Simply put, you accept because there is nothing else you can do. Why be miserable wasting your life trying to answer the unanswerable question -WHY? So, accept it as something that happened and go on from there. You'll be much happier. Phyllis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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