How do you accept? I know sounds strange

[myhome]

Hi Amy,

 

I had to just accept that my life will never be the same, and wanting it won't make it happen. I've worked hard to get what I've gotten back as I'm sure you have, but you have to get on with your life, and live each day to it's fullest. Live, love, tell your loved ones and family the things you've always wanted to but never had time (you've time now).

Remember that we all have been given a second chance so no pity partys OK

[shakeyleg]

Hi Amy

I had a stroke 2 yrs ago at 37.The same question still unanswered WHY,somedays I think I never know.I've learned to accept it and thank god that I'm alive, hang in there.

 

Take Care Kelly a.k.a. Shakeyleg

[MelBaker]

Hi Amy -

At a year and a half past stroke - I can truly relate to the pain of "Why Me?" Had so much going for me, newly married, new job, being able to teach the subject I loved, active in the community - all still feels stolen. I think though that maybe the key is to not focus on what you've lost, but on what you still have. It's cruel to say "move on" because I know that somedays I still wake up not remembering that things are different.....and then I get out of bed :Argh: I'm glad though that I can still move and be somewhat independent. I think part of it is that you can still remember how you used to be and that doubly hurts when you know that you may not ever get that back.

Sometimes I think that God really does have a plan for all of us and those of us who suffer more than others are the stronger ones who take on the sufferings of those who are less strong so that they will not be absolutely crushed under the weight of things that happen. That may be a bit egotistical but it is one way for me to rationlize what happened.

As survivors we are strong! Stronger than we ever thought we'd be - remember that you have a whole group of peoplr here who understand and support you, no matter hpw lost and in pain you might feel.

Keep your chin up!

[kanderson]

hi amy, i agree with most of what has been said by others. my stroke 5yrs ago couldn't have come at a worst time, like everyone else i'm sure. i was 48 still had a child at home, was working at a job making great money with new responsibilities and the greatest bunch of people to work with and i loved going in everyday, working 10-12 hrs a day and being around other strokees and their families. then bam, my world crumbled, i had to accept it, what else could i do, my family wanted me with them and obviously god did too. but what helped me the most, was my best friends sister had a aneurysm burst in her brain at a young age and she is a miracle walking today. she wasn't expected to live. she was married with 2 baby girls when it happened, and when she came out of her coma, she remembered nothing or no one. today she has alot of deficits and has had to relearn everything and everyone. she now knows about her babies and shows their pictures to everyone she meets. when i saw her the 1st time after all this happened, she was with her mother who has been by her side since day one and lives with her. i was having a bad day and crying woe is me, when i asked her mom, who is my 2nd mom, why wasn't lisa sad about her circumstances. mom turned to me and said because she doesn't remember the way she used to be.

 

don't we all wish that to a certain degree, it sure would be easier to accept our strokes maybe, i don't know, but it sure helped me to accept what happened to me. there is always someone worse off than we are. so we are lucky in a sense, be thankful for what we have now and work hard to get better and enjoy each day for what we make of it. i have to add that i am so happy and proud of lisa for what she has accomplished over the years after a tbi. she walks and talks again, truly a miracle. i hope i have helped with my story.

[pprovost]

Stroke is by no means acceptable to anybody. If people try to cram the concept of acceptance down my throat I tend to get irritated. I think my life is better now than before in that I have made an honourable exit from a job I no longer enjoyed. I have time to take care of my health and to follow my passions. No matter. I would give everything to regain my mobility that I lost as well as the energy I no longer have to enjoy what I have now. My so called acceptance comes with living my best life with what ever I have left . I will always wonder --why me? I have finally concluded that I was somehow off track and I needed something to stop me to have a major reality check. So from that I took my first few steps. A therapist pointed out to me that it could have been much worse and that I had not lost everything. This was a turning point for me because then I could realize that I still had stuff to be grateful for and by counting my blessings I have learned to cope with my stroke issues as part of my daily life now.

[cas1845]

It has taken me a long time to come to terms with all that has occured. I hear & listen to people as they talk about how events totally changed their lives in a heartbeat. I found out that an accident that occured when I was 7 caused me to have some problems that influenced my entire life. I was 54 when the cyst in my head was found & emergency surgery was done. Three months later a hemhorage & then the stroke. It has been an up & down ride since that time. I have had two surgeries in the last month & what a difference it makes. I still have some recovering to do but to see the world in the way others do is such a feeling that I cannot even explain. I spent over forty years fighting that demon that caused more than one disaster along the way. The demons have been gone for some time but I was in pain & ill so it was subdued. Now I feel well & just to walk outside & think what a wonderful day it is can be the ultimate feeling.

 

For most of you, your life stopped with the stroke & you had to start over to find a life with meaning. My life started with these events & I'm searching for the life that could have been. I would say look at all the years of your life that you were content & happy. Allow all the good times to bring a smile when you think about them. Work towards finding more good times & contentment although they may be different than before. I'm working to be able to laugh, talk, smile & just enjoy what has been given to me so late in my life. I have fought through most of my life so the thought of giving up doesn't come to mind.

 

I have a grandson who is in martial arts & competition swimming. He qualified to go to the state championships in Nov & to be at the meets is a real thrill. I can talk, smile & be excited about what he is accomplishing. It is the thrill of a lifetime. Change has come to my life & what I do with it is up to me for better or worse. I still have some distance to go but the trip should be an adventure. I have no doubts that it will be better than some of the times in the past. I have to get past some events in my past to go on to the future & you need to keep in mind not what has been lost but what you still have that can make for a happy contented life. It is not easy from either side & maybe as we go along we may find someone that we never knew was inside. We maybe a person that we like better than we did before all this illness. I now see the world as most people do & if you only knew what you have from my point of view. I see a world so alive & full of color that it can be overwhelming at times.

 

Look around at all that surrounds you everyday. The sounds, colors, the feeling of sunshine on your face, the sounds & sights of the city or a breeze through the trees depending on where you live. It is to me this wonderful melody of sights & sound mixed together. It makes me smile & life seem less difficult.

 

I have at this point been given, through catastrophic events. the abilility to see a world I never knew existed. It has been a long journey to where I am & it has been so far worth the price I have paid. I look forward to what the future may bring & the search that is still to come.

[chofvander]

I agree with achandra who said "It took me close to 2 years accepting my new normal, and everyday something I am adding to that new normal, and loving my that side of personality, I believe that my stroke caused me to adjust my life's prirority, and I really thank God for that, I would have missed so much in my family life if stroke didn't happen, so today I am calm thankful and contributing member in my household, in my community, I volunteer at the drop of hat, and love it, I love it that I am even setting good example for kids in our neighbhourhood follow, adversity do strike but I m not going to get sidelined and bury myself in tears, I would go and make lemonade out of my lemon."

 

I'm three years plus after having the stroke that changed my life. I've got my problems but doesn't everybody? I'm still a work alcoholic, I think more than ever, but I'm more relaxed, I'm in love with my wife once again, my children are closer to me now than before the stroke, and I have not lost any friends. I truly feel blessed.

 

So don't let depression overcome you you, keep up your therapy, and have faith!

[jwatrous]

Amy - not strange at all as even after I hadmine in 1985, I just knew if I KEPT QUESTIONING in lieu of accepting, I would never get well -

So, just go with the flow

June

[hemideb]

Karen,

 

Your words resonated with me too. I have accepted my stroke in the sense that it happened, I can't change it, and I do not engage in "why me" thoughts. I am okay in that sense. But I do continuously want to know "why" from a medical standpoint (since in my case the cause was never determined - great blood pressure, no family history, age 36, non drinker, non smoker, exerciser, no heart defects, etc. etc). I think that is okay. I have also "accepted" that as part of my naturally curious nature. Who knows, that may pay off someday!

 

My two year anniversary is coming up (7/23). I think the hardest thing for me to accept (and I have not fully accepted it) is that I will not be the person I thought I was going to be. My life took a course correction. I guess that is always true though.

 

I wonder who I will be in the future. I wonder if this will happen again - and if so, how bad it will be. Rational or not, I don't feel like I have a lot of time. I'm 38 now. You know what I feel like? I feel like my life is me walking through an open field carrying a lightning rod in the middle of a thunderstorm. I don't know when/if the lightning will hit me, but I sure as heck hope I enjoy the walk.

 

 

[icebengals]

It's not strange at all. I had my strokes in April and I still have not fully accepted what has happened. I think that logically, I've accepted it, but when I get confused, cannot write or add numbers and get flustered easily, logic goes out the window and I'm running on emotions. Every day brings a new challenge that I need to figure out - big and small. I think it's by figuring out how to function again that is helping me to accept.

 

It's a process. I've been laughing and joking to everyone, including myself, about what I can't do anymore. Then, the other day I got mad. Something snapped inside me and I don't even remember what caused it. I needed that anger though....I haven't been able to really get angry and my therapist was worried about my "Lack" of reaction to what I've lost and what has happened.

 

I was angry with everything and everyone - little things and big things. I had to tell my husband to just leave the house for a while because I knew I was going ballistic and didn't want to say something I'd regret - so instead I just told him that I needed to be angry, it felt right and I need to do this alone. He understood (tried to anyway) and left.

 

It felt good to be that angry. I will admit I was frightened of how angry I was...but I've been holding anger in from other things in my life as well. I screamed, I shouted. I locked my dogs and cats up in the bedroom so they would be safe from anything I might do. And I thank God for that...because upon being angry that the dishwasher wasn't unloaded yet, I started throwing all breakable dishes on the floor. It felt good...it left me completely drained the next day but I just felt, "ok, I really needed to do that - I'm tired of pretending that I'm not feeling the emotional pain".

 

I'm sure things like that will still happen, but it's human nature. It's a process and a journey and we all go it alone in different ways while touching base with others who have been through this. I was actually able to get in touch with what I've lost. I might not be dealing with it yet, but at least my stroke and I touched based if nothing else. I wasn't able to dissociate and it felt good. (BTW, I'm still angry - so, I guess this is a step I need to do and I don't know how long it will last.)

 

Keep on keeping on...I hope this helped a bit.

 

Mystery

[hz462]

My second stroke occurred just over 5 years ago and I accepted it pretty quickly. By accepting in, I mean that I wasn't going to fool myself. I was paralyzed on my right side. I could barely move my right arm. I told myself that I wasn't going to sulk and ask why did this happen to me. I thought of all the things I wouldn't be able to do anymore. I also decided that I will attach my rehab with everything I had. I would do anything and everything possible for the best recovery. Within two years, I was actually doing some of the things I thought I had to give up like golf and bowling. Sure, I much weaker in those activities, but I can still do those things. That's what is important. I thought I lost it, but I didn't. That is what makes it all worth while.