SURVIVOR112261 Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 Well, it's the 10th day since he's been gone and I'm still alive.. HA.. HA.. He said I couldn't make it without him. It's amazing how a life changing event like "divorce" can give you stronger will. I'm now able to put my brace and shoes on myself, and never thought I would. At first I didn't eat or sleep right for days, and then I realized I still have a great life... I won't tell you there's been many tears, even something I told myself I'd never do, "begging" him to stay. Here's this 45 year old woman begging and it made me sick. I had to go on without him. This has been the first time that somebody actually broke up with me. I was a heartbreaker. Now I know what it really feels like having a crushed and broken heart. I have a wonderful Mother who is helping with any needs. I asked him point blank if it was due to my handicap, and he said no. He said he just wasn't happy.. Does he think I am?? Put the shoe on the other foot. If this happened to him I would take care of him till my dying days... If anyone wants to write I would appreciate it very much.. :yikes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kerrymom7 Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 WOW I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I have no advice to offer and I cannot even imagine being in your shoes. I wish you strength and good fortune. Some things are blessings in disguises.... kerry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arogers Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 Good Morning, The rate for husbands leaving the marriage after a wife's stroke is staggering. I think we women really are the caregivers, although there are more women who leave than you would think. As with anything in life, there are good things that can come out of the awful. A good thing is that you are finding you are stronger than you thought you were! Keep coming back to this site - it is a great place to get lots of encouragement!! Warmly, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 Hi and Welcome, So very glad you found us. The heart break will ease. I do understand, I went through a divorce before stroke. I have a wonderful husband now..... when a door closes a window opens.. we just have to sometimes look for that window. It is amazing the strength we can pull out from within. There isn't much we can say to make you feel better right now, but know you are in our thoughts. We are a warm group of people giving shoulders, listening and warm hugs. (((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 :hug: :hug: to you. You will discover you are the stronger person through all this - even though there are still days of tears. Prior to my stroke, but at same age of 50, I required a complete hysterectomy as I was having massive "plumbing" problems. A week before my surgery, my fiance sent me an e-mail wherein he ended our relationship. I too had tears - but also great satisfaction when I sold the ring he had given me. I feel it was an omen - we were to be married pre-stroke. I know in my heart that I would've been in divorce court post stroke if we had actually married. Good luck to you - you can survive the divorce if you survived a stroke. We're here for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hostmel Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Hi lady - :welcome: So sorry you have to go through this on yop of everything else - you will find lots of support here though - am glad to know that you do have someone close to rely on - I wish my mom were closerin distance - I'm in Indiana, they are in OKC Sending lots of hugs, good wishes and calming thoughts your way - :hug: :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phyllis4732 Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Life has a way of evening things out - for the good and for the bad, Your advantage is that it will be for the good. Things will become so much better for you that you will look back and think of all the hurt you felt as so unnecessary and wonder how such a wonderful thing has now happened in your "new: life. It will be because it was deserved; you did nothing to bring such treatment on. I also want to send :friends: to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest yin Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I too, am sorry you were dealt this situation and I also send you hugs. It is a harsh slap in the face after surviving a stroke. I have an idea of what you are going threw. I'm in the process of getting divorced and I'm the survivor, but I was the one that choose to leave the marriage. I lived alone and I surprised myself with what I was able to accomplish. I too was told I'd never make it on my own. It is true that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. You sound like you've got a great attitude and in time I hope you find that him leaving was actually a blessing in disguise. Since I left him, my life has taken a positive turn. I hooked up with another survivor who it turns out is my soulmate. I wish for you to be able to overcome the hurt from all of this and turn this negative into a positive. Once I was on my own, I too learned to put my shoe and brace on myself. Congratulations on a great achievement! Yin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glaidice Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Hi, sorry for your loss, BUT obviously he was not the person for you. As the saying goes there are still plenty fish in the sea that will caregive sharegive and love give. I recently lost my beloved and kind husband to death in January. I am very thankful for the time we had together, but he became very sick and was suffering and I'm glad he's no longer hurting. However, I really never had a caregiver, as I lived alone before I married him, so I had to learn to do for myself from day one. It was a blessing in disguise because it MADE me do things like learn to tie my shoes, cook, wash dishes, walk and so on. SO you just keep getting stronger and congrats on your progress already. :cheer: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdittman Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 I am sorry to hear of your circumstances. I know how you feel a bit. I was already separated from my wife many years before I had my stroke. We kept in touch, however, because of the kids. When my stroke occurred, they wrote me off. I haven't heard from any of them in almost a year. I don't condone their actions, but I can't control them either. Sorry to say, but disability can do that sometimes. I keep moving on though. I am feeling it is their loss at this point, and not mine. Bob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikisteph Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 Hello, It is very easy to say what you would do if the boot was on the other foot. I am now divorced and live with my teenage daughters and labrador dog. What i can say, without any doubt, is that my ex wife leaving was the best thing she could have done, it made me more independant and a better person. Do not bother looking back and thinking what could have been, look ahead and be positive. If i had not had the stroke would she have left, probably not but if she had stayed i would have relied on her much more. As it is i can say that any improvement is down to me. I wish you all the best, it is not so bad on your own, just get on with it. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MADJOEMEL Posted May 12, 2007 Share Posted May 12, 2007 HELLO THERE MY NAME IS MELISSA IM 32 YRS OLD I HAD MY STROKE IN SEPT 05 STILL HAVE NO USE OF LEFT ARM/HAND BUT CAN DO ALL SORTS OF THINGS SORRY 2 HEAR ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND I TOO WAS LEFT BY MY HUSBAND HE LEFT ME IN MARCH 06 AND WAITING 4 DIVORCE 2 B FINAL SOON 4 WKS HOPEFULLY ANYWAY HE WASNT WORKING, WAS RUDE 2 MY DAUGHTER SO WHEN HE LEFT IT WAS A BLESSING HE KNOCKED ME DOWN ONCE IN FRONT OF HER AND THAT WAS THAT HES STILL NOT WORKING A TOTAL LOSER BUT NOW I HAVE BEEN DATING A TINY BIT VERY SCARY BUT LIFE GOES ON IF U EVER WANT 2 CHAT LET ME KNOW GOOD LUCK WITH ALL MELISSA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 you are right....being alone will make you stronger than you ever thought possible. I went through a horrible divorce 1 1/2 yrs ago and I know the loneliness and scariness of all this....but I can also tell you, even though you are going through a tunnel, there IS light on the other end. I live alone and am happier than I ever thought possible. I actually like my own company. Reach out for friends and lean on them right now....that is what friends are for. I didn't have any at the time, so I made a point to make some and it really really helped. Hang in there, it will get better. don't spend a lot of time wasted on wondering why why why....somethings just happen, we all get knocked down...the important part is to get up, dust yourself off and make an effort to find something to be happy about. Emotions come and go but Joy is a decision. The more you practice it, the more you will have :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady k Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 I am separated from my hubby. don't know at this point if will get back together. he is helping me some but I can understand the rejection , and sense of betrayal you feel when they opt out and you are left with the pieces. so :congrats: on pulling yourself up and staring down the road to the next part of your life. come into the best place to :yadayada: :chat: :hug: :welcome: and welcome to the group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agleb02532 Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 I am 67 years old, my husband had a bad stroke 5 years ago during triple by pass surgery, I have been caring for him almost five years now since long hospital stay and could not imagine just leaving him to cope on his own....Women must certainly be able to deal with these things much more than men, when it comes to being nurturers and caregivers....Cannot imagine your situation...Why are men so weak??????????? Coping in Florida Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myhome Posted May 15, 2007 Share Posted May 15, 2007 I had my stroke June 22, 2006. My wife has been a rock. She told me in September when I got out of the hospital and still in a wheelchair that she had married me for better or for worse ( I wondered if it could get worse). Seeing that I've been told that I can't go back to work, I'm now her house husband I have supper ready when she gets home from work everyday, it's the least I can do. Maybe it's just me but I can't understand why a guy would get up and leave. I feel for you, he was a heartless SOB. You'll get better, stronger, and perhaps down the road find someone who'll love and appreciate you. Take care and remember we're all here for you, Stu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Foster Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 I stroked about 3 years ago. At first I was very dependent at first, my wife filed for divorce a few months ago, I'm still not sure why! Perhaps the marriage wasnt perfect before the stroke! I totally sympathize!!! I would like to give whatever advice I can: Try not to hate and be bitter, it will rob energy from the recovery process, I'm trying to retain my almost-ex-wife as a continuing 'friend', I sure dont need new enemies!!! :Tantrum: I will try to 'turn the other cheek' so she (almost-ex-wife) kiss my A-S I try to make new friends and laugh every day. Please keep me posted on your 'progress' A little more advice: 1. Try to retain yourex'shealth insurance coverage if any as part of divorce settlement. 2. Make sure you pursue QDRO (Qualified Domestic Relations Order): you are legally entitled exactly half your ex's retirement assets Good luck! Please keep me posted. :cheer: Michael in Michigan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ddaul Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 The time will come and the pain willdisappear, I no because I experance. iwas married for 3 year b4 my strokeand it happen while elebrating our third annevercery. 7 1/2 yrs later she quit. well, let time pass and always keep that enemy the closest because time makes life easyer. i wrote a poam after mine and i hope it encourages you. i attached it love.doc love.doc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.