ekh92206 Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Today has been a rough day. I had both of my boys here today, 5&2, and I had terrible left sided pain along with an awful right sided headache. (wallenburg's syndrome they say) They are such good boys, they wanted to go outside but again they understand when mommy isn't feeling well. I feel so guilty all the time, I used to do so much with them. My husband came home to a house that was a disaster. Nevermind the pressure that he is under now being sole provider for our family. Financially we have felt the pinch since my boss stopped paying me in November. I just had to let our housekeeper go, she was coming in once a week and doing the cleaning and laundry, we also decided that we could no longer afford to send the boys to daycare 3 days a week to give them the much needed stimulation of being with other children. I feel so bad that I'm not the wife he married or the mommy that the boys used to have so much fun with. I feel as though I'm failing my family. The poor boys watched movies all day today, while I layed in bed and on the couch. I feel as though my life is overwhelming all around, nevermind that we'll have another baby here in December, I feel as though we were so irresposible with that. The support from my family and friends was huge while I was in the hospital but now it seems as if I am on my own, and I'm not making it the way I should I suppose I'm just venting and having a pity party but I can't stop crying. The boys and Loren just went out for pizza and I couldn't bring myself to get dressed, I'm just too tired and in too much pain. I feel like such a looser. Today was one of the worst days I've had post stroke. I've tried to meditate, I took a luke warm bath, I lit some aromatherapy candles. I don't know what to do to get out of this funk. I need some energy, does anyone have any strategies for days such as these. I apologize bc it seems that all I do here in these forums is complain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kanderson Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 hi erin, i do understand how you feel, i was once there also. meds helped me alot to get thru those days, and i realize your pregnancy probably prohibits you from taking them. could your hormones be doing their thing right now, adding to your feelings. you cannot help what has happened to you but you do need to start accepting the new you, so your family can also. i think your pregnancy is adding alot to the way you feel now. that may not have been your wisest decision to get preganant after a stroke. you need to put on a smiley face and do the best you can to get through your days. is there something you enjoyed b.s. that you can do now. your sons are to young to fully understand what has happened to you, but they don't want to see you hurting and depressed. do you have a friend that could take the boys for an outing for some fun. i am sorry your family is not more helpful to you. watch a funny movie with the kids to make you feel better. have you talked to your doctor, regarding how you are feeling? i am probably not much help, but i do hope you start to feel better soon. do you belong to a church that you could call on for help. kanderson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Erin, The down and out feeling is hormonal due to pregnancy I'm sure. There's no magical cure for the pregnancy yucks - other than mind over matter. Like Kimmie said, do you have a friend who can take the boys on outings? Don't feel bad venting - this is a safe place to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cam1960 Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 Hi Erin, You have every reason to be exhausted. Pregnancy, two little boys and stroke recovery! It makes me tired just thinking about it! Whenever I'm in a funk over my messy house, my poor kids, letting everyone down (I do this all the time) I try to put things into a different perspective. 1) Your hubby is wildly relieved that you are still alive and recovering. 2) Your boys now have a full-time mommy, not just on weekends. 3) Babies are a blessing, no matter how bad the timing. (There is never a 'perfect' time to have a baby) Catch a quick nap while you can. Tomorrow will be better. Let your family know you still need their support, they may not realize. It's amazing how many people really don't have a clue. I hope tomorrow will be a better day! :hug: Carol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wsteinlauf Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 Erin, Your post definitely touched me. It is so reminiscent of all of the feelings I and other survivors have experienced. To say that stroke is a life-changing event is the understatement of all time. Your life has changed most likely permanently and so have the lives of your caregiver(s), children, family, etc. There is just no other way to describe it. I don't know if your docs have prescribed any anti-depressants for you, but I highly recommend exploring that option. THIS IS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE! Stroke has a way of intensifying depression way beyond what it once was. I had to be switched to another med that was a combination of anti-depressant and pain component because - like you - I suffered excruciating head pain in the beginning (Sept. 2005) and still do to some extent today, almost two years later. Just know that your best efforts to be "normal" again will probably fail and that is OK. You are a survivor of the third most deadly malady known to mankind. Most of us don't live to post messages on support group message boards. Some time ago I wrote a note about survivor advocacy and I would like to leave you with this: Survivor Advocacy "But we all need to stand up for ourselves and have a better life, no one should have to live in pain." OK, I will buy that and go one more: we all need to become serious advocates for ourselves and other less able sufferers of brain injury. My experience has been that many, many people (normies and many doctors) have NO CLUE regarding what stroke is all about and just how gravely so many of us are affected. Sadly, most people are so selfish and pre-occupied with the details of their own little lives, they cannot find it within themselves to reach out and acknowledge REAL SUFFERING. After all, ABI brain injury might be contagious and they could "catch it!" Since we are not running around minus arms, legs, eyes or something visible, we are just fine; we have no disability, and all the rest of that happy, "I'm denying your pain and you as a person" nonsense. As we all know, nothing could be further from the reality of our situation. We need to educate them in a sympathetic and patient way. I urge you to ask the tough questions; demand the meaningful answers (if the "answer" makes no sense to you, it probably makes no sense to the "answerer" either), and hold people (including doctors) accountable for their actions or lack thereof. This is sometimes called self-determination and is part of being an autonomous human being." HUGS, WALTER Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 Hi Erin, yes the pregnancy is complicating things at this point. Hormoes are running high. so the Yucks are normal. There are a few antidepressants that can be used in pregnancy especially after the 3rd month. Pain meds can be used... You just want to take the smallest amount that you can get by with. Discuss these feelings and pain with your OB. she will know best what you can take and use. I have read that peppermint or lavendar oils rubbed on the temples help. I used ice packs on my head for migraines. Stay hydrated. lots of water. becoming dehydrated can make many symptoms worse. If you can set a little routine. Throw in a load of laundry, feed kids breakfast. sit and watch some TV with the boys. Switch laundry. sit and read a book to the boys... Don't try to cram too many things into one day. Make a game of vacuuming. my grandson when he was 4 & 5 LOVED to run the vacuum cleaner for me. Do you belong to a church? Maybe they have a play day for kids. or check out the Library.. they usually have a story time for children. If you belong to a church or group you may want to talk to the pastor or deacon.. whatever. explain you need some help. I am sure many people would volunteer to come help. or bring some cooked meals to you. Call you social worker or hospital liason and see what resources they have. If family.. call and ask for specific help. Many people will help, they just don't know what to do but if you say.. can you cook us 2 meals a week, or could you help me clean the house on Thursday. you may be surprised ... and get the help you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest veggie.vampire Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 Pregnancy was like having pms on speed for 9 months for me, my poor husband. Definitely that affects things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jwatrous Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 sorry for your pain, but some day your boys will tell you how they knew you were in pain & are very proud how far you have come June :cheer: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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