jdoole Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 After reading and hearing about how people have recovered from their stroke and the physical problems people face, I find myself feeling guilty. Guilty because I don't have any physical limitations after a cerebelar stroke and have been very unmotivated to do anything since I have been battleing depression. I recently have begun to accept that I had a stroke and want to move on but have feelings of guilt. I guess it is "normal" but wanted to see if others have experienced this? Also when does this emotional whirlwind stop? It seems just as soon as I start to feel better and back to "normal" I start to feel liike I am going crazy again. thanks John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom71 Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 John, don't feel guilty about not having any physical limitations,I'm glad you don't have the physical problems like many of us have,instead offeeling guilty,feel blessed,however it took me a couple years to get my emotions under control and feel somewhat normal again. God Bless You, Tom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 John, First, don't feel guilty that you were not left with physical limitations. Rejoice that you were physically unscathed. Every stroke is different, deficits are different, recovery is also very different. There's no time-line for recovery...I have learned through this site that recovery is ongoing - no matter what the medical community says about their "imposed" time-lines. Have you spoken with your doctor to possibly receive anti-depressants? Depression is extremely common with survivors. My insurance company would not approve meds for me; therefore, I found things that interested me to occupy my time and turn me away from the constant "pity-party" and crying. Granted, I still have up and down days but the good days outnumber the bad ones. Do you have any hobbies? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdoole Posted June 4, 2007 Author Share Posted June 4, 2007 Thanks, I am on an antidepressant. It helped out a lot and I have found myself doing many more things lately, But I have been through some weird times and have been experiencing that a lot of my "friends" and others have abandonded me since I have changed a lot since the stroke. I still have some friends around but I get angry that some of the people I would never have stopped being my friend have not been my friend in a time when I need them the most. It's extremely frustrating. I don't find myself having a pity party anymore. I did for about 3 or 4 months. I became so unstable after the stroke and became delusional that many people thought that I was lieing to them on purpose, but they weren't lies but they were a reality to me. I've told people this and it seems to push them away even further. - frustrated :Tantrum: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Hi John, Glad you are on an antidepressant and that it is helping. It takes time to adjust to the changes. I am really glad you don't have any physical limitations. But understand your brain was attacked. In Classic Posting Forum is "A Letter From Your Brain some of the brain cells and receptors that carry the brain chemicals may have been damaged. Which could be part of the changes in your personality or perception of things. I felt guilty .. that I was letting people down. I couldn't go back to my job. I am 4 yrs post stroke. I have regained most of my physical abilities, but have other issues .. Do the BEST you can. If these feelings continue you may want to see a therapist or someone you are comfortable talking to. Don't beat your self up. Take this as a wake up call.. maybe it is time to SLOW down or make some life style changes. It takes working thru the "grief" of what we lost, .. it takes time to accept the changes. You may get some of the friends back .. and those you don't were probalbly acquaintences . not friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fking Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 John, I don't see the guilty feelings platform after a stroke. I guess that is something only you can work with, work out and over come as time passes. There are a few members here who have no physical deficits by looking at them and we don't know how they feel inside. I would think blessed that their stroke was not as severe as some others. On the other hand, a stroke survivor who dies at some point after the stroke should not make a survivor who is still alive feel guilty. Just my opinion! Now, when it come to friends you had, or thought you had who has turned there face from you, were not your friends in the first place. Again, just my opinion and personal experience after my stroke. I think every human being has one friend who is with them even unto the end of the world. In my case I had two, Jesus and my wife and they are still by my side. I hope you get the strength to over come soon and move forward with your life. Just maybe, the few friends you still have around are your true friends. As the saying goes, "Friends come, friends go" that's their choice in life like the ones you loan money and its never returned to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 John, Like Fred said - possibly the friends who ran the other way were not true friends to begin with. I am 2 years post - I can count on one hand the TRUE pre-stroke friends who have really stuck by my side throughout this whole ordeal. My Great-Great-Grandfather always said that, at the end of your life, if you can count on one hand the true friends you had, then you've done well. Not that I'm planning on going anywhere soon, but it's nice to know there are the few who are with me over the years whenever, wherever, however. I must also say that the friends I have acquired from this site have more than made up for the ones who have "flew the coop" Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kanderson Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 hi john, i totally agree with what the others have said. i firmly believe no one understands a stroke unless they have had one themselves. deficits are inside and outside. it takes time to come to terms with that. our lives were turned upside down in an instant. my stroke was 5yrs ago, and i have good and bad days, i was not able to return to work so i spend my time here at this great website. my one true friend has been here for me for 25 years. i'm glad you are on meds to help with the depression. keep busy with something you enjoy. come here often and browse around, start a blog, visit us in chat. take care. welcome to our corner of the web. kanderson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady k Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 I guess everything is relative, I have physical deficits, and I thank God everyday that I did not have aphasia or problem with reading, I was ibn customer service almost my entire career, except for some minor detours, so before my stroke if you would of met me I would of talked your arm off, whether I knew you or not, and I can't even imagine how hard you had it with the mental problems you did have, at least on the physical side it is cut and dried but on my mental deficits no one sees them, and therefore they cause me problems partly because they aren't seen, do I feel guilty? yes and no no matter how my stroke affected me there is nothing I can do or could of done to make someone else's stroke any different, I can only be thankful for what I have retained try to be a good friend to others, so welcome to the clubhouse you did pat your dues, don't feel you didn't pay enough , be glad that IN YOUR OPINION, you got a bargain. as for your friends that couldn't have any compassion, count your blessings that you know now what kind of people they were before you really needed to count on them.that is why I admire the caregivers so much, but you notice there are quit a few of us who didn't have that happen. I hope you write a blog and get involved with chats :chat: :hug: :dribble: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DennyS Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Hi John... Believe me, I know how you feel. I first Ischemtic stroke was in 2004 and with my 6th Ischemtic being about a month ago. After the first stroke I had absolutely no outward signs. Sometimes I needed cane, someones I would go without. I was thinking it worked with the sun. Strokes 2 thru 5, still the same thing. Just like you feel... I had ambiovent feelings about the whole thing. I friend who a stroke about 6 years ago and he is confirmed to a wheelchair, has not talked to date. I even felt bad seeing him. He is with 1 stroke, with me having 5 and I was walking around. Last month I had #6. Things changed... this time it changed brain around a bit. I had aphasia... I could understand what was being said... I had my problems with language... both with spreaking the words and with just finding the right words. And it really iritated me that I had all of the words and sentences in my head but would get lost by the they got to my mouth. So in closing I feel like maybe God has given to me was a chance to be to speak, and to write and give other survivors some hope that it's the end of the world. The of the best things I was found is StrokeNet... there are tons of out there friends. One other problem... when I write, like now, I tend to forget what I am writing about and go into outer space somewhere. LOL Hang in there, you'll do fine. :big_grin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jwatrous Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 Yes, most of us do, but if it were me, I would focus more on your recovery and knowing you have done your best June Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdoole Posted June 6, 2007 Author Share Posted June 6, 2007 thanks these words have been very helpful. I am realizing how lucky I have been. SO SO lucky. I have started a garden and tried to remain active. I am still terrified of having another stroke but I am trying to focus on living a "normal" life. I really want to start dating again and take advantage of the fact that I don't have any limitations and do something positive with that. I refuse to lay in bed any longer complacent with the idea of "hanging around" thanks so much J Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady k Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 I'm glad we helped in some small way, I wish you luck with both endeavors, keep us informed on how you are doing, we're family now :hug: :dribble: :cheer: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdoole Posted June 6, 2007 Author Share Posted June 6, 2007 The feelings of guilt are less and less as the days go by. When I first came here I didn't really know if I would "fit in" because I am young (30) and I don't have physical impairments. I joined in March but then didn't come back for a while because I didn't want to talk about my problems with stroke because they would seem so small compared to what others have gone through. Now I see the problem isn't all physical but emotional as well. I very much underestimated the emotional toll that it takes on you. I know feel much more comfortable coming to this site to see that others have similar feelings. thanks J Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Hi John, so glad you feel comfortable here. There are all kinds of strokes.. and we are all at different stages of recovery.. progress. We have all ages .. from young teens to those in there 70's, but we all have stroke and its effects in common. I have learned so much being here. Many of my "fears" have been calmed by reading others have or feel the same way. It isn't all about the physical .. as you say , Much is about the emotional roller coaster ride, and learning to accept. Welcome to the cyber family of Stroke Net Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shakeyleg Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Hi John We all have gone through depression and it does get better took me almost 2 years and with the help of meds I'm much better. Hang in there Kelly a.k.a. Shakeyleg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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