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hi everyone,

when i had my stroke in september of 2005 i was really lucky to have work i enjoyed, paid decent and gave me a sense of purpose. like so many survivors my brain bleed changed that forever .now i am continuing to strive to improve, get stronger and stay positive. i am very very lucky as to been granted ssdi and between that and my husband's retirement we are squeaking by. thank goodness neither of us our big on possesions and such.

this is my big fear, and while i try to stay in the present, i get overwhelmed by anxiety and fear about how i will "make do" in the future. my husband has been so good to me but he is older and should something happen to him there goes his retirement and my support.

the world is so scarey to me now and i just worry so much about money and how to live. i was always an indendpent woman and had my own financial resources. i know i am not alone in this. i know we are each dealing with recovery and daily life but i also feel that planning for the future is responsible. could some of you please share how you deal with fears like these.

this site is my hope and my inspiration to keep going! thanks - kathy

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Hi,

 

I think some of us are in the same boat, so it's good question. Have you talked to your husband about this, he needs to know your fears.

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Kathy,

 

Yes, please talk to your hubby about your fears. I was like you, very independent AND a workaholic (7 days a week - strictly salary). I've been on SSDI for 2 years as well as state benefits. I am a single Mom as well so my fears include providing for my teenage daughter. None of us know what the future holds for us but we are SURVIVORS - there is a reason we were spared. I am currently reading a book where there is a line that says "live your life like you only have a year to live". Live your life, don't worry yourself to a frazzle about what may or may not occur.

 

(((hugs)))

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hi stu and donna,

yes, i have talked to my husband about my fears. he becomes very upset as he does not have any answers and knows he can't "fix" our situation. he is so involved and overwhelmed by my care that i just have private melt downs now . i would love to know the name of the book your are reading ........thanks to you both...kathy

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Kathy,

 

This is a real good question - and not only for survivors! When Bill had his second stroke I made the commitment to become his full-time caregiver. If I had not done so we would have been forced to either hire a caregiver for him or look into a SNF. Neither option was acceptabl to me. Had we hired a full-time caregiver my reason for continuing to work out of the home (income) would have been erased. For me, I want to care for my husband at home - that's the bottom line.

 

I, too, look into a future without my husband and see a much different financial picture. Bill has several disability/retirement incomes that provide for us now. Of course, those incomes will come to an end with his passing. I do not focus on that time. I focus on today. I am able to do this because of my spiritual focus. Others here may have different methods for coping with the knowledge that the future does exist!!!

 

Best wishes,

 

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Kathy,

 

I am the survivor like you who happens to be the husband as you are the wife in your case. My thoughts are what you are fearing has happened to me at the time of my stroke.

 

I had to sell my business, my wife had to quit her job to care for me coming home from 4 months in the hospital in a wheel chair. We were faced with loss of income but still got the same out going plus hospital bills from everywhere. Not to mention debts of the business the sale did not cover.

 

Had just refinanced my house down to 15 years the year before, making two car payments, tons of other debts. Only fixed income was my military retirement, not eligible for , unemployment, or home care so I had to start drawing my SS early at a 13% loss for not being the age of 65 and 8 months.

 

With the help of my church making my house payments, handouts, getting some creditors to reduce interest and payments, we got by. That's why I got a job and now my wife is working again.

 

My point is you can make it should something happen to your husband and don't worry yourself about the future. It's great if you have life insurance if not look into that. If something happens to me the house is paid she can sell one car and get me in the ground with no debts. You may feel a little different being the survivor but I feel it will not be to a point at this time you get fears from living thinking about what may be in the future.

 

Kathy you are not alone and you should feel blessed to have survived a brain bleed, I do and I'm progressing like you, staying positive for what may be in my future by living one day at a time. We are still struggling but not like it was at one time. My head is slightly above water but I am still breathing through a straw. I put my faith in God and his plan for my life. I say that because he left me here for a reason. With my brain bleed I don't know how I made it, he does.

 

Hope this explanation will help you in a small way somehow.

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Hi Kathy,

I know what you're going through. I spent most of my adult life raising the kids. My husband was the breadwinner, but I was always confident I could take care of myself at any time if need be.

I had just started a little business and hadn't made any real profits when I had my stroke. I don't qualify for social security or disability because I never "worked". (Insert chuckle from every MOTHER who never 'worked' LOL)

I worry too, but am trying my best to take one day at a time. I've always had a 30 year plan in the back of my mind, it just changes with the circumstances.

Stress and anxiety seem to go hand in hand with stroke. Research your options, but don't let them drag you down. There are lots of resources, housing for the disabled, prescription discounts and such. Despite our fears, society won't let us starve in the street.

Enjoy life and all it offers while you have it. As a survivor we all know that life is precious, and totally unpredictable!

Hugs

:console:

Carol

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hi kathy. i agree with the others, live for today and don't worry about tomorrow. my dad always told me don't worry about things you cannot change worry about the things you can change. we don't know what our futures hold for us. as fred said, look into life insurance or investments to help secure your future. i am lucky i guess, my husband has taken care of this for me plus i have done some of it myself for my children too. after my husband had his heart attack i too became worried about my future, but i have always worked so i had that to fall back on. i'm sure things will be ok for you, so do what you can now to ease your worries. i wish you the best and don't worry.

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Kathy,

 

The book I am reading is entitled "These Dreams" written by Barbara Chepaitis. It's fiction- the main character is a gal, Cricket Thompson.

 

I hear you on the private meltdowns. Mine have increased in frequency as in 4 days from now my daughter and I start a new chapter in our lives post. We're returning to homecity of Pittsburgh. We moved from there when my daughter was a toddler of almost 2 and have been in AZ since. We're moving back to be closer to family and friends. I admit, there are mixed emotions about the whole move thing - but post, I believe it will be better for us. Would I have relocated w/o stroke entering our lives? Probably not......but it's the right time.

 

Hang in there. I've been truly working at Letting Go, Letting God - which can be difficult for my Type A personality.

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Can you make an appointment with a financial planner. go over life insurance policies. If your husband is older and you are on disability. I'm not sure about drawing widow's survivor benefits. If he was ever in the military service, you may want to check out benefits for help for widows of vets.

 

If you own a house at a certain age you can get a reverse mortgage.. I don't have much information on that but I have been hearinf advertisements on this.

 

If your join AARP they have some life insurance policies for people over 55 ....

 

You may at that point be able to get aid, food stamps, etc thru Department of Social and Health Sevices.

 

Just some things you might want to check out.

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