85 y.o. in coma-like state


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My grandmother is 85 and had a massive stroke on Saturday, 22 Dec. She remains unconscious and has shown no signs of awakening. She showed some signs of responsiveness on Christmas Eve--so much so that the neurologist was surprised! She squeezed fingers upon request, pushed her foot against hand upon request, and gave a simple Uhn-huh (yes) or Unh-unh (no) in response to certain questions. She also moved her mouth at times as if trying to speak. Since then, however, she has reverted to seeming to be asleep almost all the time. An MRI on 25 Dec showed "multiple strokes in different parts of the brain" according to the neurologist--including the stem. Since she can't swallow, they put in a feeding tube (PEG directly through abdomen).

 

I should add that this is complicated by years of dealing with emphysema, congestive heart failure, and high blood pressure. Although we talk to her and pray about her condition, her doctors and we as family feel that she will not recover from this, and with all her medical issues we feel that her quality of life would not be worth the suffering in her eyes. She's led a fulfilling life and if she is ready to go "home," we feel our role is to comfort her as she passes over and comfort one another through this loss.

 

For others who have posted that a loved one is in a similar situation, my heart goes out to you as we deal with this simultaneously across the miles. For those who have recovered or are recovering, I pray for your continued healing.

 

I'm not sure I have a question or advice to offer. I just ran across this board while searching for info on brain stem strokes and wanted to add my story. Thank you for being here ..

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I am sorry to hear about your grandmother. I'm glad to hear family can be with her.. My father in law passed away almost 2 years ago.. many of the family members with him, playing his favorite music, each one said something special to him, we were unable to be with him, but called and mother in law gave him our messages and our goodbyes. Seems he was waiting for the "ok" from family to pass on.. he went peacfully.. and with love, messages and his favorite music.

 

Sending heartfelt wishes to your family, for peace and strength at this time.

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Voneal,

 

It's very hard on family to see a loved one suffer from this kind of stroke. My prayers goes out to you and family members. I trust that God knows what his plans are from the beginning regardless of her age.

 

It is good the family members can come together at a time like this to show their support for the life and longevity she has had.

 

 

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Voneal,

 

I'm glad you found our corner of cyber space but sorry you had the need to do so. It is wonderful the family has come together to be at her side.

 

Miracles can and do happen; God may not yet be ready for her to "come home". All is in His time-frame. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

 

(((hugs)))

 

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Thanks to all for your support and comfort. We continue to talk to my grandmother and show affection thru touch. We know that though her body responds little, her spirit is still very much alive. She sometimes smiles when told certain things, and the little verbal response she gives contains inflections of affect. We try to balance our desire for a complete recovery with our understanding of the totality of her health issues--the stroke only being the most visible one.

 

Thank you all for becoming a part of our support team.

 

Vaughn

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Vaughn, I know this must be an extremely difficult time for your family. My sincere condolences.

 

My only question, and this is strictly a legal question, do you know what her living will intentions were. Did she ever mention about being kept alive to anybody? The answers could potentially create another outcome than the immediate family would like. Just something to discuss with your family; leave no stone unturned!

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Vaughn, I know this must be an extremely difficult time for your family. My sincere condolences.

 

My only question, and this is strictly a legal question, do you know what her living will intentions were. Did she ever mention about being kept alive to anybody? The answers could potentially create another outcome than the immediate family would like. Just something to discuss with your family; leave no stone unturned!

 

 

Yes, we'd discussed her wishes casually over the years, then back around Thanksgiving this year we created her official Living Will. The only "life-sustaining" effort/procedure she wanted was nourishment, thus the current feeding tube.

 

By the way, we just moved her today into a skilled nursing facility.

 

:happy new yea: Happy New Year and :friends: healing hugs to all.

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On a trip back to the ER due to breathing distress (around 1700 Central Time on 01 Jan), the ER doc and my grandmother's family doc gave us the option of returning her to the nursing facility or having her re-admitted to the hospital. The ER doc (who happened to be an old high school mate of mine) all but told us she was on her way out. In his very neutral and professional wording, "It's up to the family whether right now you want her surrounded by family and in the most comfortable setting possible, or being attended to by medical professionals and the family having limited access." We returned her to the nursing facility, and my aunt (one of my grandmother's only two children), had the longest visit through about midnight.

 

My grandmother died at about 0230 this morning (02 Jan). No more O2 machine, no more nebuliser treatments, no more multiple needle sticks chasing her evasive veins to put in an IV, no more NG tube suctions, no more diapers (she would have hated knowing she was wearing those). Her last cohesive statement was the most lucid she'd made since the initial stroke. Out of nowhere during one of my aunt's visits yesterday, she said "They want me to play cards with her but I don't feel like playing right now. I told them I would play with them later." My grandmother loved playing cards. And now I imagine she has joined her soul group for a never-ending round of Bid Whist or Po-Ke-No.

 

Thank you all for your support. I have gained much from reading your stories and your words of advice and comfort for my situation. I also hope the little I contributed on other people's threads was somewhat helpful. For those who continue to struggle with a loved one's stroke recovery, hang in there. Continue talking, singing, reading or whatever you do for them.

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Dear Vaughn and family, my sympathy is with you. You have lost your grandmother to this earthly world, but she will forever be in your hearts and warm memories. May the joy you had with her help ease your sorrow.

 

Thank you for being a part of this community and sharing, you are welcome here always.

 

Warmest wishes and hugs to you and your family, Bonnie

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I am praying that the God of peace might touch each and everyone of your family and your Grandma's friends during this time of celebrating her life. I'm sure you all have many warm memories of her life and will always treasure her impact on the family.

 

Warmly,

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vaughn, i am so sorry to hear about your loss of your grandmother. grandparents are a very special member of the family and its very hard to lose them. but she is at peace now. her spirit lives on in your heart and mind. she will always be with you. she suffers no more. i wish you and your family the best during this very difficult time.

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I am so sorry to hear of your Grandmothers passing. I hope that your family is doing well during this time of hardship and I offer my prayers to you and yours.

 

I hope you find comfort in knowing that perhaps she has gone on to a more peaceful place. It's so hard to offer words of comfort when many offer so little.

 

Sometimes the only comfort is in the memories that we carry within our selves.

 

Peace to you

 

Lisa

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