amie_1 Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I don't know what to do!! Since the heart surgery Dave had in December, he has steadily been becoming more breathless, it is hard for him to walk 15 feet to the bathroom without running out of breath and breaking into a cold sweat. He will NOT go to the Dr's no matter who suggests it to him ( his niece is a nurse) and now on top of it today I/he can NOT get his sugar under control it is running from 350-385. No matter what meds I give him it won't come down, he is eating as he should, no carbs, no starch and obviously no sugar. Again he will not go to Dr's. I know he understands the dangers of high blood sugars.. I have a feeling his "breathlessness" is causing this sugar problem... Any suggestions would be appreciated. P.S. I know that if i call an ambulance he will refuse to go, and if he does they won't take him to the hospital. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srademacher Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Amie, When my husband had a TIA at home the morning of his big stroke, he was refusing to go in an ambulance to the hospital. No matter how I tried to pursuade him, he was refusing. I had five paramedics in my home when I called an ambulance and he was trying to convince all of them he was okay and did not need an ambulance. Finally, one of them looked him straight in the eye and said "We can't force you to go in the ambulance, but you need to know that if you wait, you could die on the way." It scared the living crap out of him and he went! Sarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilkinson Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Anne, I think it is time for tough love. I would not like to be in your shoes but I do know that it is my right as a cargiver to have peace of mind. I think if Ray refused to seek medical attention or to go in the ambulance when I had called one to help him I would tell him I was about to leave. Say to him something like : "you can go to the doctor or hospital and get fixed up or you can die here alone, your choice honey." Please read the Caregivers Bill of Rights and see if you can explain to him what it says and what parts of it you are putting into practice right now. You surely can't go on the way you are and keep your sanity and your right to be at peace with yourself. It is too frightening to see him go downhill like this and your life too could be put at risk if/when he falls, collapses or fails to breathe etc. My dear, it is a long road as a caregiver and we all have to tread it as best we can. I fancy that you are not used to saying your piece so take the advice of a counsellor friend of mine who said: "First write it down, then say it in front of the mirror, then let him HAVE it!" Also get some counselling for the caregiving role if you can. My dementia support group comes up with some great ideas of how to handle problems and I know I can thank them for getting through some of the situations I have. Keep courage and keep firm, you as well as he, have a right to live as good a life as you are able to. (((Hugs))) from Sue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kanderson Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 anne, i am so sorry to hear what you are dealing with from dave. he is obviously in need of some tough love as sue stated. he obviously has fears in returning to a hospital again so soon after his surgery. but where else can he get the care that he might need. he doesn't have to be admitted once seen by the er doctors, he can refuse that if its needed but there you would have additional people to reason with him if admission is needed. i will keep you both in my prayers. i send you (((hugs))) and well wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Can you call his primary care Dr. maybe he would meet you in the ER. Or the primary Dr could call and tell the cardiologist Dave needs to be seen sooner. If Dave is not compliant with the Dr.'s and if he does not follow what they recommend.. they may work with him and try to help him, but not give it their ALL .. like they would with someone who is trying... This is a great site.. has an Index and all types of informarion on CHF and CHF with diabetes http://www.CHFpatients.com it has low sodium recipes, recommendations for vitamins. (((((((hugs))))))) to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amie_1 Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 thank you all for your replies and suggestions. I am feeling better about things this morning, I got some sleep last nite. Dave was up quite a bit with pain, but he is sleeping now. Today I have been thinking and saying my morning devotionals and have asked for quidance. Well people, today I take no prisioners, :nuhuh: . If things are no better this morning Dave WILL be going to the ER~!! If I have to carry him into the van and stick a sock in his mouth, I love him and I can not sit around fretting doing nothing if there is something to be done. Bstockman, I was reading that website yesterday as well, and it got me to thinking alot, there is so much that needs to be ruled out or dealt with.. but lets get the questions at least answered right. I finally got Daves sugar to start coming down last nite before we went to bed, his fingers must be so sore, we pricked them so much yesterday. i'll let you know how things progress PS caregivers bill of rights!! I'll have to look that up.. thank you :_) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 My story is very long so I won Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arogers Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Just a note Anne, You've gotten great advice! When Bill's sugars have been out of control the doctor has always said it could well be infection - even if there is no fever. Especially since Dave recently had surgery and now is short of breath it is really important he is looked at. Bill has been so difficult to deal with as far as the medical community. His strokes have all been denial of his condition and refusal to follow doctor's orders. Do take care and take care of yourself. I've finally learned that I do have rights in all this. My mind is messed up enough by all this, I don't have to deal with someone I love arguing about my decisions about his care. I just tell him I have to live with the consequences of my decisions - AND his! If I feel it's time for the doctor it's because something has changed in his condition. Good luck Dear!! Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fking Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Amie 1, Sounds like his doctor needs to intervene and make the call since he won't go to them! Or maybe the paramedic can make the call based on his vital signs if/when you call the ambulance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amie_1 Posted February 18, 2008 Author Share Posted February 18, 2008 Hi all \Well Dave had a much better day yesterday, finally managed to get his sugar down to 130.. We'll see what it is this morning. He cause of it still has to be addressed though!! His breathing was not much better though. He had a rough nite with pain and was up a few times, so i will just let him sleep in until he wakes up himself. One of Daves' sisters came over yesterday for a while... she gave him a "talking to" as well, she has a knack of giving him polite crap that doesn't offend him or put him on the defensive, which i am grateful for. She is a special person for sure. His son called and upset him... I took phone away from Dave and told son not to call if he was only going to upset his father. It makes me so angry and so hurt for Dave when his son does this to him, on top of it, his son who only lives about ten miles away, has only seen his father once since his heart surgery in december, and that was Christmas eve and only because his sister made him come over. What a selfish brat.. he is thirty one years old and VERY selfish and can only think of himself. Sorry for the rant, it just hurts dave so much and i can't take that pain away for him either. I think today will be a day full of positiveness (i think that is a word ) Happy monday all stay warm and becareful driving.... it's icy here. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RLT Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Anne, So good to hear you sounding positive. It really does all start with determination in the mind not to let things keep us down. It does sound like you need to get tough with Dave. You need to do it for yourself as well as him. How about printing some of these posts out and reading them to him if he will not read them himself. Ruth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady k Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 glad you are standing firm, you deserve the piece of mind to know what is causing his problems, stay firm, we are all right behind you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilkinson Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Anne, just wondering if Dave has had bloodwork done recently? Ray's showed he was anemic and the doctor put him on iron tablets again. He hopes this will improve his stamina among other things. He also gives him the "B" Vitamins in shot once a month to increase his healing. As a diabetic with poor skin etc that is a real need. He only has a small appetite so I concentrate on getting him to eat healthy food, plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables and a reasonable serving of meat for energy. It is an uphill battle to keep him well but I use every trick at my disposal. I hope Dave did eventualy agree to see the doctor. When he does go, you go too and take in your list of questions and get some of them answered. We may love our guys but boy! they can drive us crazy eh? Sue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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