no improvement


todd

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As i stated before my father had a stroke 3 weeks ago today I found out that He only has 10 days left at the rehab hospital. He has made no improvement yesterday he would not open his eyes today when my mother his wife of 61 yrs visted he did open his eyes but all we saw were tears we put a peg tube in after a week with no ng tube and he has just gone down hill. Did we do the right thing he looks so sad and does not seem to want to improve if he does not show any improvement we will have to put him in a nursing home and my mother wants to go also so she can be with him again.

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Todd, it is a sad day when you realise that one or both of your parents needs to go into a nursing home. I had both my parents live with me, Dad died after four months Mum stayed on with us for 2 1/2 years but eventually had to go into a dementia specific lodge where she still lives so I had to make that most difficult decision.

 

Here in Australia where we have three level care in retirment villages (self-care, hostel and nursing home) it is not unusual to find couples with one in a nursing home, one close by. Many hostels even have double rooms for couples. If they are life long companions it is kinder if they can be together for what life remains to them.

 

Give them as much love and care and support as you can manage as they make the transition. And when they are settled in maybe you can rally the family to visit and take your mum out etc if that is the way you can make her happy too. It doesn't have to be a sad time, if you pull together as a family there can still be good times ahead.

 

Sue.

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Todd, how sad and difficult this time must be for you and your family. I am sure that you will do what is best for your father. Apathy seems to be common in the first couple months after strokes. And recovery takes time. It is sweet that your mother is wanting to be with him.

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Todd,

 

I know this is a difficult decision for you. My grandparents went through the transition you describe, except in reverse. My grandma fractured her back and needed to go into long-term care. Grandpa followed her. They shared a room and in fact had Grandpa's chair and other personal touches there. The both suffered from dementia since they were in their late 80's. Of course this is a sad time for your dad - and it may, in fact be easier if your mom is with him.

 

Your love and support, and continued care for your folks will make all the difference during this time of transition.

 

Warm wishes to you all,

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Todd, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I know it is difficult to accept making that move from rehab to a nursing home. But sometimes a stroke survivor simply is not ready to benefit from intensive therapy, and needs the special level of care that a skilled nursing home might provide.

 

My father was moved to a nursing home after c. 2 weeks of therapy in a rehab center. He was not progressing in recovery quickly enough, according to his insurance company, for them to be willing to continue to pay for the rehab services. Around the same time he transfered into the nursing home, things began to turn around for my father and his recovery really took off.

 

Nursing care and less intense therapy does not prevent a person from recovering. If it is going to happen, it will happen... when he is ready. Don't give up hope. Try to remain supportive, no matter what happens. Remember that the brain swelling can take many months to go down--your father' stroke was less than a month ago, so it is still very early in the process. And recovery happens at different rates and in different stages for different people.

 

Depending on what areas of the brain were affected by your father's stroke, he could be feeling very disoriented and dizzy... and/or sensitive to light. He also may be feeling depressed. Ask his doctors for specifics in regards to what areas of the brain have been impacted, and what meds your father is currently receiving (along with any potential side effects of those meds). Knowing and understanding will help you to better cope with what is happening, and will allow you to be a better informed advocate for your parents.

 

Best wishes & God bless.

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How wonderful that your mother wants to be in the same facility so she can be with him. I would do everything possible to make that happen.

 

There is no way to know if you "did the right thing" you can only make the best decisions you can with the information you have available at the time. As we discuss so often on this board, when we do not leave living wills/healthcare statements for our family - we force them to make tough decisions.

 

Sending hugs your way.

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you may find out in the long run thatgiving him the breathing room to relax and take in what has happened and to let the swelling in the brain go down, will make his whole outlook ok, i pushed really hard at first and min many way's felt fustration build, when i had time to come to grips with things i still made much progress and didn't feel i needed to perform any longer to prove i was still the same, because hey i wasn't the same i am still me but different, he will need to come to term with his new him, having his wife there still loving him will be a big help, sometimes what seems to be a step backwards can turn into something better, you all will be in my prayers.

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todd, i too am sorry to hear what you and your family is going through. it is a sad thing but you have received some good comments from the other ladies. your mom being there will make the transition easier for your dad, i'm sure. i used to work in long term care homes and we always had a few couples in there. you will do what you need to do and it will be the right decision. the entire family needs to be involved to help you. i wish you all the best. god bless.

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Todd,

 

It sounds like the transfer to a care facility is predetermined. I would recommend you start looking for a care facility you and your Mom like. Then you will be ready to transfer him. With the short notice, you might need to get on a waiting list for the facility you prefer. Then you might have to spend some time in a different location waiting.

 

Your Mom sounds like she is still able to make decisions for herself. I wouldn't fight her. Let her do as she wishes. Like the others have said, this might help ease the transition for your Father and Mom.

 

I wish you peace with your decision. Beth

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Todd,

 

I am so happy to hear that your dad is showing improvement! His stroke sounds similar to my mother's. The first two months after my mom's stroke she was in a nursing home and went through so many emotional and physical changes during that time. She didn't have trouble swallowing (she did fine with liquids), but at first she was confused as to what to do with food when we would try to feed her. She would kind of just roll it back out of her mouth, kind of like a little baby does. Then she went through a phase where she absolutely refused to eat or drink anything. All we could make out of her speech was that she wanted to be with my dad (he died 7 years ago). But that lasted only a couple of days and then she started eating again. Her alertness would vary from day to day and she slept A LOT which I was told is normal and needed for the brain to heal. Just keep encouraging him, let him know that you love him and be patient with his recovery. No matter how small the improvement, tell him how proud you are of him. It has been a year since my mother's stroke and she continues to make slow progress...I also hope you can arrange for your mother to be with him. I know how difficult it is to go through this with your parents. I will be praying for wisdom, peace and healing for you and your family.

 

Edee

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TODD,

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. YOUR DAD IS VERY LUCKY TO HAVE ALL OF YOU LOOKING OUT FOR HIM. IT'S NEVER AN EASY DECISION TO PUT OUR LOVED ONES IN A NURSING HOME OR ANY CARE FACILITY. I TOO HAD TO PUT MY DAD IN A NURSING HOME. YOU WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS.

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