• A  blog is a personal journal of your daily life as a stroke survivor or stroke caregiver.  Surprisingly, countless members have called it therapeautic to write down their thoughts and to vent their frustrations.  You can make it private, just for your eyes or public and share your personal thoughts with your friends.  Why not try it, create your blog and start writing and see if it helps you.  


Our community blogs

  1. srademacher
    Latest Entry

    With the temperatures nearing 120 in our area this past week, we are melting in Arizona.   It would have been a horrible week to close on the house and try to move in these hotter than "H" temps, so it's just as well the closing got delayed again.   While I'm having flashbacks of what happened in 2012 when we thought we were going to close on a house in AZ, I'm almost certain it will eventually happen now, although I can't say for sure exactly what date it will happen.   This time the delay seems to be the finance guy who didn't get the appraisal ordered in time and now the underwriter for the loan isn't happy with the appraisal as submitted, so they need to find more comparables in the area.   If it wasn't hot enough here already, I got a little hot under the collar with this latest setback.    lol   Tentative date for closing is now Friday, the 30th - my 69th birthday - and would have been our son, Dan's 44th birthday, had we not lost him a year ago on the 22nd of June.  


    Most of our household belongings are packed and ready for the move.  In fact, I'm finding that I need things that are already packed - somewhere in one of those boxes or bins piled in the study, that now looks like a hoarders house when you walk into the room.   :)  I've unpacked several things once the girls had them already packed just to be able to fix a meal, and when I couldn't find what I needed, I had to improvise  (actually cooked a Schwans pizza one night using a casserole dish and putting slices at a time in it too bake since the whole pizza was too big to fit).   :)   And, after tossing out my old coffeemaker thinking we would be in the new house by this weekend and I would get a new one, I ended up having to hit the store closing sale at the local Big Lots store to find one and set it up so I could have my morning coffee for another week.   Note to self - don't try setting up a new coffeemaker at 2 a.m. when you can't even open your eyes all the way to read the directions.  And, by all means don't call the coffeemaker stupid when it's really not the machines fault you can't comprehend directions at 2 a.m.   sheesh!!   I'm on my second cup of coffee now and it all worked out so neither of us were that stupid after all.    lol


    Our current home didn't sell like I had hoped it would before we move, so our caregiver Kelly will move in here and rent from us for at least a year, and then we may try again.   It will be easier for me to have someone here who can keep up the lot rent and maintain the place as opposed to having to pay someone to continually check on it or make the 40 min. drive several times a week to check on it myself.   She can also try to sell the golf cart for me and I've offered to pay her a commission if she sells it.   She will continue to work for us and help with Gary several days a week at our new home.   We will adjust her hours so she's only having to drive that 40 min. drive twice a week and she can work longer days, so no cutting of hours.  


    I'm going to attempt to get a few more hours sleep before the sun rises, so will update when we actually get moved - hoping it happens before the 4th of July weekend, as I've already switched the utilities into our name and have the cable tv and internet installation set up for July 3rd.






  2. I am here forcing myself to write because I just haven't felt like it but it is good. The last month has been extraordinarily hard and lonely. It's funny how a person really takes on a companion's or spouse's likes and dislikes. Ok at least for me it is. I have pondered on who is Tracy many times this month and what do I like and what do I not like. For the most part I can tell that my partner and my daughter were my big triggers for panic attacks. I have really only had 2 which is better than it has been. My obsessive/compulsive thoughts are less than before I left. I still have fatigue, night time vision problems, a slight stutter, some balance issues, and headaches. 


    So I will talk about the bad first. Before I moved from my home and from Adrian, my days were unpredictable and I wondered if we were good. I was paranoid about what he did all the time. I was compulsive, my moods were so up and down. I do know I loved Adrian...and I still do. Unfortunately, it doesn't just stop...go away. The first week of staying with my father were excruciating. Everything I had known and depended on everyday was gone, changed, instantly not the same. I felt odd, like I was in another body...all I could do was feel pain and cry. I contemplated calling him, pleading with him to go back to what we knew...what I knew. This was so difficult not to do. My emotional lability was affected more than ever, sometimes every minute. I think that is how I took steps too...it was minute by minute...hour by hour...day by day. I thought of nothing else. No car, living back with my father, alone, no hope or vision of the future.


    Day by day I began to do things. Cook my dinner, wash my clothes, make my bed, decorate my planner, and I began to have a bit of a routine. There were less bouts of crying and hopelessness though this still happened every day. My cat was scared being in a new place and I could barely find her...she would hide. I missed her going to sleep with me each night and generally being there with me. This too got better...she finally felt she had 2 rooms she could feel safe in..the formal livingroom and my bedroom. Then one morning I woke with her laying sleeping by my head. I really almost cried. I still didn't have my own transportation for the first 3 and half weeks. My sister was so wonderful to let me take her 2nd car that she didn't use as my own. It was a nice SUV but had sat for about a year and it had problems now. My mom had it towed to her mechanic and he began working on it until finally one day my mom and step dad surprised me with it. Wow what a day! To feel a kind of freedom for myself meant so much!


    I drove for two days before it broke down again and back to the mechanic it went. My mom and step dad were paying to have this vehicle fixed safe for me. I am truly blessed that I came here with 0 (NOTHING) and no way of attaining funds for myself. What a wonderful family I really do have...a place to live because of my father, a car because of my sister, and a working car and even some spending money because of my mom and step dad. I sat back and thought about each thing and how blessed I really am. I am still lonely and it feels hollow. I probably call my mother and step mother more times per week than any person should lol. So slowly and carefully I am emerging...each day is a little better. I am trying to choose the positive things I remember about Adrian and I. It seems like it would be so much easier to just forget everything but after ten years I don't think you can.


    "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Alfred Lord Tennyson

  3. SassyBetsy
    Latest Entry

    I thought I made a new4rđws friend but I have a person who follows me around calls at dawn and acts ill when I visit with others. I first thought she was nice but I feel spied on and I feel smothered. I play 99cards wifth a 93 yr old and often share food with her. I was surprised  she watched from afar while I played cards with this friend. She just moved in the room  of my friend here.I stopped by because This friend stays in her room. she is glam but hides. She also speaks complaints to state and goes church so we have much to talk about. So we did. The lady turned into ill needing wet cloth on head. My friend said to me try talk to her she is jealous so I did my best to include her. But she said oh I sorry I have a panic  #panic  attack because the sun is too strong. So we closed curtain and we continued to talk but the woman continued to interupt needing nurse. I felt torn to  help or talk. I was irritated and I also believed the woman was having a panic attack. I do not know  why. I told my friend I loved her and that I needed to go polish another friend's nails. She loves my red and she rarely gets them done because she cannot holds still.ruins them. so I do it before she goes to bed. I do another woman too.  But The next morning when I did not show up in dining room I got a call from her I ignored. I ignored it.  I figure she is cared for and I slept. I miss being alone sometimes. 


    This woman asked me to be her roommate at her apartment. I had talked to her twice. She said suffered from mental illness psychizoaffective. So I explained I have CPS and vestibular  problems to avoid any more talk. I found out she had twin sons and met one.


    But she comes to my room and  acts concerned so it feels nice to have a buddy but then she gets upset when I sit with my gentleman friend at bingo and did not save her a seat when we sat together 2 years.


    That made me upset to hear my gentleman did not get shower because not enough staff, he not told anyone, so you know me!


    the staff tells me they have a voice

    but they afraid to speak up,

    I am powerless

    but i can speak up truth here,

    they know I will so they tell me their problems

    am i here for this

    my tears for myself,now for them

    please let change come


    there is jealous woman giving staff money jewelry to get shower

    while a man goes without a shower bcuz no staff around,

    I cannot bear to see injustices

    worse when it is them not me,i cannot be silent as they tell me it is not my business


    they pick up my friend off floor but no drink for her thirst,I can buy a pepsi



    my collage is up for my picture, this is my latezt 1,I have 3 plus one in the works, one for daughter and first 1 that has more words,all different

  4. HostSue
    Latest Entry

    Sometimes I really wonder what life is all about.  I think I watch too many newscasts on television, there not being a lot of interest to watch in mid-winter here.  In this age bad news travels fast and bad news from all over the world hits our TV screens especially in the late news which I often watch before I go to bed.  Events like the fire in London where so many people died because of bad building materials, local traffic accidents due to wet conditions and constant news of strife and shootings in the Middle East all seem to add to my angst.  I am not really a nervous person but the miscellaenity of killings and the worsening world events seems to impact on my life from time to time.  I have plenty to think about just within my family circle and among the folks I know and my prayer calendar is always full but still what happens in the world impacts on me whether I like it or not.


    There is not a lot of good news these days.  As you get older news of babies being expected in the family and more exciting things like engagements and weddings seem to diminish and deaths seem to proliferate.  Of course the fact that I do so many hospital and nursing home visits also impacts as the deterioration in the ones I visit is more noticeable in winter too.  We all get paler and catch small viruses that make us cough and  that makes us appear less healthy. Today we had a celebration lunch at church and I picked up one of the people I visit at hostel level.  M is able to get into my car and so I promised to take her to the lunch.  I think she is deteriorating too although she is under 60 as she mainly associates now with much older people and that is reflected in her limited topics of conversation. We often do become like the people we associate with.  That is one of the reasons I decided to invite her to the lunch today, to help her to catch up with some of her old friends as I thought this might give her something else to think about and a new topic of conversation.


    On returning her to her accommodation I decided to visit another lady whose visit I had not done this month.  She was half asleep but one of the nurses woke her up to have her afternoon tea and asked me if I would hold the cup and help her drink it so she (the nurse) could go on and help someone else.  All of a sudden it felt like I was dealing with Mum again and a sadness filled me,  I told myself that what I was doing was just helping someone out and it was not something i should be sad about and the sadness slowly lifted.  To me it was a sign that I am still vulnerable because I have not as yet completed the mourning process  - and maybe I never will.  Perhaps there will always be some things I associate in a negative way with the death of Mum or of Ray. When that happens I have to tell myself it is not the same and just keep on doing what I am doing.


    I had another two lunches out last week with some widowed friends who wanted to help me celebrate my birthday.  It is so nice to be made a fuss of.  I really miss my family at special times, particularly the way they used to make an event of special birthdays like the "O" Birthdays. And of course I also miss the excitement and  all the hustle and bustle that visiting family members bring with them.  We did manage to get some of us together last Christmas but that is such a busy time of the year I would prefer them to visit me either for Mother's Day or for my birthday. Of course I can suggest it for next year and see what happens. It is part of the loneliness of being a widow that makes me feel this way I think.  If I still lived in England I would of course have cousins  and other close family members to celebrate with as well.  I do envy people with family living  close by.


    On the plus side I had a phone call from my son Trevor and grand daughter Alice from Broken Hill on Saturday morning.  Alice who is five now plays soccer on Saturdays, they do not play a full game just spend a half hour on the field and this Saturday she had the award from the coach for "extraordinary effort" and she announced in a solemn voice that she was "the best in the whole world". Not that she is proud of herself...lol.  It is little things like that that make my life worthwhile. When the other grandchildren were a similar age they lived close by so I could enjoy their little triumphs, attend Grandparent's Day or Education Week events at their schools and feel a part of their lives. Luckily Trevor does keep me up to date with Alice and her doings and I do get to talk to her on the phone for a short time most weeks.  It is such a shame such a distance lies between us. One of my grandsons in Adelaide has a birthday next week and the best I can do is to send money to him in a card when I would much rather be able to give him a present. 


    The wet winter weather is getting to me and I know I will be glad when we pass the Winter Solstice and the days start to slowly get longer again. The wet weather is also isolating and we had a poor church attendance today as some of the members are sick with the viruses that are going around.  I sometimes give them a ring after a week or two to make sure they are okay.  One funeral next week, someone I don't know well and I will see if going to the funeral fits in with the other things I have to do.  I can't do everything.  I think sometimes when I reread a blog like this it sounds as if I lead a sad life but I don't , there is always fun and laughter at the functions I attend especially Friday Coffee Morning as we have the Playtime kids there and those little folk always keep me amused with their vitality and their childish charm. And the Friday Soup and Roll lunch with a few new and  different people in attendance means different conversations and I enjoyed that very much too.


    I know others locally must also feel the same loneliness and isolation that I feel some times so in a way that makes it seem ordinary and commonplace and just something I have to learn to overcome. We all have to be grown ups and endure what cannot be changed.  I am lucky I have good basic accommodation, the car to go out in, and that is how I have go on to build companionship into my life. Counting my blessing rather than looking at what I have lost or what might have been.







  5. The second anniversary of my husband’s first stroke and the day I became a caregiver recently transpired.  Upon this anniversary day my stroke survivor began aquatic therapy.  This is something he wanted to do for sometime but being wrapped up in a medical system that dictates the where, when, and why we had to wait.  Thus, good things do come to those that wait.  

    My husband’s ability to do things on his own is still very limited.  I, at this two-year mark, still assist my husband with most tasks such as dressing, transferring, hygiene and food preparation. Certainly, he puts forth an effort to try and do things himself, but most times will need assistance or accept I will do it for him.  Often, I have to encourage him to try something himself.  Frankly, his mind can not always rationalize doing these things on his own.


    So, as I assisted my husband into a lift chair that would lower him into the water I held apprehension.  The therapist standing over six feet tall took my husband out of the chair and starting him walking backwards.  Back he went, then forward and then side stepping.  They had him kick his knees, move his arms, step up and down on steps, and hold himself in place. Over and over they assisted him to perform…Perhaps cognitively this moved a bit too fast for my husband yet he did it.  Don’t get me wrong the therapist was holding onto him the whole time but my husband was moving his left arm and leg on his own as if it was not a problem. I am pretty sure my mouth was gapping open in amazement.


    As we exited the pool and moved to the handicap restroom we entered into what I will just say was a “God send.” This designated family washroom had a shower with a bench and bars for the handicap.  The same was in the toilet stall along with an additional dressing bench equipped to assist the disabled. I was able to help my husband with showering in an environment that was clean, private and spacious. I suppose it may sound silly, but our “make-shift” bathing arrangements we have at home has made bath time a tedious task for me.  Yet, on this day a beautiful gift was presented to us.


    With all this “gifts from heaven” that I felt was laid before us it reminded me of the limited resources that stroke survivors are given. Specifically in my husband’s case he is young…not yet a senior…so the resources we have for adult day care are few and far between.  I am not saying they do not exist but in the area we live it just isn’t plentiful.  It makes me ask “Why?”  We have several hospitals that are STROKE trauma centers in our area. Which would imply knowledge of brain injury therapy and means for unlimited resources.  Yet, as my husband and I went through a system of therapy for a stroke “victim” I became aware of just how limited resources are for those who become young stroke survivors.  


    Our journey was very rough and I know there were things that could have been much easier than they were.  That is all water under the bridge…More so, I can say, my dear readers, I have been made aware. I want to pursue the idea of a spa setting that caters to the handicap where one can go and soak in a bath with out fear of drowning or even just getting in and out of a tub.  Perhaps, finding a place for individual who need daily assistance but want to socialize and feel normal.  I feel compelled to research this idea.  My husband is a stroke survivor…I am his caregiver, but this journey has led me too more than taking care of him.  Therefore, I simply pose the discussion to my readers regarding limited resources for stroke survivors and what you have experienced or done in your area.

  6. One of the very basic teaching of Hindu religion & explained in religious text of bhagwad gita is so hard. It says do your karma whatever that maybe based on what you are doing, but then don't get attached to results. hardest  thing to achieve. our son recently gave important interview of his life. I really really want it to go in his favor. I understand at spiritual level that I should not get attached to his results, but I pray for positive outcome for him & all of us. hope you all too pray for our son too. :) I know I know I still  have lot to learn in this life.





  7. ksmith
    Latest Entry

    Well the day finally happened. My worst fear. I received a letter regarding my healthcare. I get a subsidy to help pay for my premiums to have insurance. I have to look at all my doctor’s share the same insurance, I also have to get a premium coverage that allows me to go out of state to a better hospital system that specializes in stroke. Well I have, as well as everyone who gets Social Security Disability, Medicare part A which basically covers hospital and other basic needs. I’ve never used Medicare for any coverage, for reasons I can’t get in too, legal, so this letter I have states because I have Medicare A I MUST get part B or C ( general healthcare)  and will have to get D ( prescription) coverage.  Ok so they say it would be less expensive to what I pay now… Which I know isn’t true, largely in part to the subsidy lowers my premium. Now that WOULD sound tempting however the coverage is spotty. The will decide if the medical need or procedure is deemed medically necessarily (per suits who sit behind a desk). I don’t know I’m very comfortable with that.
      The positive is I’m locked in until September 30 of this year. I would not have a chance to have my eyes operated on for they don’t cover eye exams so I would have never been granted the office visit for I would have to pay for it out of pocket. I know I just have to sit back and be happy for what I have and the chances out there. But with the repeal of marketplace (granter of Subsidy) I will again be charged and ‘pre-existing’ conditions which brings my premiums near to Cobra costs. Sucks when you’re on a fix income.
    I sound like a spoiled brat but im just wanting the best for my life.

  8. Punch1021
    Latest Entry

    The last time I blogged it had been awhile. I said I would blog/write more, but that never happened.  Now that it seems my world is crashing, I am writing a blog.  Today marks the one year of my brother's death.  It is still hard to come to terms that he is gone.  To help cope with his loss, I sought out another therapist.  I had joined a meet up group after my second break up with my ex so life was going in the direction I wanted.  Then yesterday I get hit with my job duties being changed at work.  I am going from a manager to a coordinator.  Same pay, but no more management duties.  Another co-worker will take over my position at the lower level and I will take over hers.  One of the owners where we work will take over the management duties.  You're an owner, you already have leadership duties right?  Right...  The young lady I supervise was told today.  Our boss said she is her supervisor now. She was just as confused as to why they made this type of change. When I talked to my boss about this I told her that I feel like this is a demotion.  She said it wasn't.  She felt my strengths were better at my co-workers job and she would do well with mine(with her help).  However, my coworker cannot handle her current position.  She also doesn't know how to talk to people.  Her position requires that she talks to people.  I will now have to make sure I keep the people that she talks to.  I was also told to help keep others positive about this change.  This whole thing has me so sick.  I almost broke down at work today thinking about this change and how it's also the day my brother left this earth.  Tomorrow I am seeing both of my therapist.  It will be interesting to see what they say about this.  Especially, the one who said I was projecting too much on what my coworkers would do. 

    Before this change, I was having a good year.  I finally traveled internationally.  In April I went to Egypt.  It was the best time of my life.  I will go again hopefully next year.  I have been going out, trying to be social.  Trying to get my life together.  Then this happened.  Now is the question of what do I do next.  I emailed all the owners of the company about how I felt.  Just waiting to see if one of them will write back.  If not, I will try to stay on as long as I can, but I see myself resigning.  I can't sit here and pretend to like someone who didn't respect the people who worked for me.  I can't be positive for owners who want me to go along with this and convince others to be the same as well.  Sometime I think they want this to happen.  They tell me I am valuable, but their actions tell me I am not. 

    I know this issue will pass, but it was nice not having such issues. I hope they will answer my email and if I need to leave, I hope I can find another job quickly.  Our general manager was fired last year and she is still unemployed.  I don't want to go down that unemployment road again so soon. 


  9. I've always tried to find the humor in things and I have said for over a year now that visual impairment is more embarrassing than frustrating however today while at the library working on the computer I printed off a document went to retrieve it and on my way back due to Mi left non visual field I walked right into a plaster column course my first thought was to look around and see if anybody saw me and there was a gentleman sitting at the computer and laughing so I packed up my belongings and on my way out I said I'm glad I made your day and I said you know after my stroke 3 knife years ago I'm legally blind and I said I can't see anything to the left and he says I know exactly what you mean mines on the right side I gave him the frustrating too embarrassing to painful today and we both laughed about it

  10. I'm having a rough, emotional morning. A close friend of the family recently had a cardiac event that hospitalized him, and after having an MRI, it was determined that there was evidence of two old strokes.  I haven't spoken to him directly, he hasn't any paralysis, and have learned that he seems very confused, can't drive, and his brother couldn't understand him while talking with him on the phone.  Apparently he's seeing his PMD this Friday.


    I realize that he and his wife are taking care of it in their own way, and that's the way it is, but I'm really scared for him.  I think it stems from my own experience; at the same time my level of emotional response seems (to me) inappropriate.  Brain short-circuit? 

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    I have been Dans caregiver for 6 years . 4 at home with me and the last 2 in the nursing home. ARGGGHHHHH .... I try and I try.. but his brain injury is just to profound and the OCD seems to get worse daily. His life is so limited. Because of himself - of course the stroke is the real culprit. But the daily manipulations continue. Yesterday I pick him up from the nursing home, take for lunch at Mc Donalds --#8 coke with no ice..... barf... but it is his choice every day, and I know why. It is always the same every day - no changes - no surprises. But anyhow I get him his food and had planned to have him come to my work and hang out. We didn't have clients scheduled just a lot of research ( I work for an ATTY) its a private business so I can do those things. I and Dan are blessed in that aspect. So at least once a week he does that. This week he was gonna get 2 trips to the office. Well I was driving and I rubbed the curb with the car tire. And he just had to go ballistic, -- I am so tired of it, tired of my own - ( oh my god--opps, *beep*, hit that curb) But his reaction the LOUD yell and the look of contempt, and barrage of name calling....... he can't tell me the color of his underwear, but he sure can tell me off. I care why, I mean this has played out in 100's of ways - 100's of times. But it breaks me everytime. This time I took him back to the nursing home . and left...... Of course that afternoon later my sister MY sister had mad a date with him to go to the movies .... Notice I said MY sister -- ( DAN has 6 siblings , haven't seen any or his mother in 3 years ) Damn thats a awesome family- right-. Again I look for something that is not there . I expect kindness from a man who is void of it. But my sister even though she is devastated for me, followed through and he got his movie date. But I don't want to see him for awhile. I don't want to punish him, he can't even remember what transpired. But my heart, broken so many times. The kids - are taking him to church tonight and out to eat. 

    The kids feel they do a lot and they do, with dan. But of course its not daily. its once a week for them, for me it is 2x day , most days. For the kids lucky enough to move away from this crap. it is a couple times a year. They will breeze in give suggestions and just don't get my resentfulness. I love him, (DAN) I Love my kids, I love my sister - whose main goal is to just keep me sane.... lol --- I am just venting.... Its all about me right ------- at least on my little blog--- on my little island, I come to, called stroke net. 

  11. nancyl

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    Recent Entries

    Latest Entry

    ECT --- works . ( electro convulsive therapy )   Yes the "barbaric" "one flew over the cuckoos nest" - Zap the brain.. Works.  Old timers know about my battle with depression after caregiving proved to much for me. But taking care of Dan is proving challenging for the nursing home as well. He is frusterating. For even the most seasoned medical Pros. I get a bit of satisfaction knowing that. I did 4 years, the nursing home just completed their second. It is so nice to not wake instantly ( if i would get sleep) with a panic attack- that just lasted 24/7. So fellow caregivers with unresolved depression there is hope. Of course as with all things medical - it is not a one size fits all. It may or may not work for you. And during the treatment - you are existing. thats it. But I knew from the very first treatment that this was by far the most positive reaction - I had felt since the long list of methods, medication, supplements, homeopathic cures, hospitalization. 

    People I met during my depression are just now meeting "me". LOL Anyone can message me if my experience is in the least bit helpful. 

  12. Lesley's mum is now here and settling into life in North East Tennessee. She handled the long flight from New Zealand to Los Angles very well. She and Lesley spent 5 days there resting and spending time with relatives. A 5 hour flight here and all is now going very well. The paperwork and medical exam are in the hands of the immigration lawyer and mum's health is good. She has a nanny nap once or twice a day and awakes bright and cheerful


    What a joy it is to have her with us at this time in her life! Lesley has been taking her all over the local shops and we have been spoiling her every day. We spent last weekend in Atlanta with some relatives and she was the center of attention. Lesley and mum are sharing many special mother/daughter hours together everyday. I rather stay out of the way and do as I am told. I have never eaten better!


    Before she arrived I put a short hand rail by the only two steps in our house and they have worked out well. It is all she needs to get up and down them without assistance. We just hover nearby. This week I will be putting the seat lift in the motorhome so she will not have to deal with stairs getting in and out of it. She is excited and cannot wait for us to get on the road again soon. We plan to be traveling in late June for a month or so, depending how she handles it.


    the dogs have become very protective of her and are always nearby.


    well, I must go now, just a quick update here.

  13. lwisman
    Latest Entry

    It is been a while since I have blogged.

    Since I last blogged my sister went on a 10 day retreat to Colorado. Jade the cat and I enjoyed ourselves. The bad news was that just before Marge left I baked a ham, put a lot of slices in the freezer, and made ham and beans. The ham and beans were really good, but Marge left town. After getting really tired of ham and beans I froze a large cottage cheese container (three pound container.) She is enjoying them now!

    Keys. About a month ago the keys for the shed in the backyard went missing. We looked everywhere. Had just about decided to find someone to cut the lock. The other key, which had been missing, is the second key to my car. Again, every pants and jacket pocket was checked. Then one day I was cleaning out my pouch and found the car key. It had migrated to the very bottom. I have been in the pouch countless times, but never all the way to the bottom. Hmm…an idea worth checking out for the shed key. A friend is currently in the process of making us a replacement for the kitchen table cover – the current one is waterproof and is elasticized – they no longer sell them big enough. Anyway, when Pat came to get the old one (with hole) for a pattern there was stuff on the table. Sure enough the keys had fallen into an empty flower pot under the table. Just dig deep….


    While Marge was gone I decided to put my 2017 village sticker on my car – deadline was April 30. I counted the stickers already there –six— and decided there really was not room for anymore. So I backed the car out of the garage so I had better light and went out with goo gone, razor blade, paper towels and vinegar water (to get rid of the goo gone). After a lot of elbow grease I removed three old stickers. Decided the other three could come off next year. After cleaning up with the vinegar water I put the 2017 sticker on. While I was out Sara, who lives directly across the street from us, came over to check on me. If you ever want to know what is happening in our neighborhood,, just ask Sara!

    Speaking of neighbors the four kids who just moved in next door were all out in the backyard playing late one afternoon this week. Jade the cat lay on her perch in the window and watched them for the longest time.

    Thursday I was up at 6 am to finish getting stuff together before cleaning lady, who was scheduled to come at 8. No it was not all cleaning, LOL. Anyway the person who runs the cleaning service called at 7:15 to say the cleaning lady would not be at our house until 11:30. Then at 10:15 the hair dresser called because we had 10 and 10:30 appts to have our hair cut. She said if we could get there by 10:30 she could still do both of them. We were there at 10:29. So it was a crazy day. But, the house is clean!

    Friday morning I woke up and immediately noticed pain in my left little finger. It was swollen, but obviously the problem was under the nail. No way to get to it. I washed it well and put on antibiotic cream. It was not helping. Figured the antibiotic cream was tainted. Saturday morning the finger no longer throbbed, but there was still pain when it was bumped. So at 8:05 I was backing out of the driveway to drive to Walgreens (about a mile from us.) Bought new cream. Within 30 minutes after putting it on I could tell the difference. Now there is only slight pain when it is bumped. Still some swelling and redness. But, looks like it is on the way to healing.

    My third bread machine (in twenty years) has died. Of course it died while I was making bread. This first happened a few weeks ago. I gave the machine a good cleaning and it started working again. Then it happened again this morning. Anyway I have not actually used a bread machine for baking the bread for years. I only use the dough setting and then bake in the oven. I think it both tastes and looks better. I took the ingredients from the bread machine pan and used the dough hook on my stand mixer. The bread is ok, but not near as nice as with the machine doing the kneading and heat control. Then I got on the internet and learned a lot about using a dough hook. So I think I will experiment a bit. I have thought for years a bread machine was more than I needed, but have not seen a good alternative. We shall see.


    Sun is shining today. Temps are only in the 50s. But after days of rain this is a nice change.

  14. nancyl

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    I haven't been able to be alone for a very long time. This weekend I have been. No one here. It is nice, not only the freedom of it, but the fact I can do it. For so long being at home alone was something I just made sure never happened. Not on a conscience level, but sub consciencely. I have a little anxiety this morning, but thats only because i have "thought " about it.

    Dan is doing as well as Dan can do. Good days, Bad days the same cycle repeats itself. Trying hard to just hang on and enjoy the good and walk away from the bad. But on average I leave the nursing home - which i visit usually x2 daily- crying about 2 days a week. last week was his birthday, baked him a homemade red velvet cake. That cake is a lot of work. The kids took it to him along with his birthday gift. A fluffy "cheatah blanket". I was home sicker than a dog with this darn flu/cold. He was mad it wasn't me, so he kicked the kids out, along with the cake and his present. Mind you earlier he had ny sister come to his room and ask to take him to one of my daughters home for his birthday. He refused - i think he thought I would come, I couldn't ,i just ached to much. 

    I came the next day and he does the dismissive thing flipping his hand in the - go away fashion- the," get out of my sight." I have had that happen to me so much, one would think I would become immune  from that distain he displays. But Im not. I still care enough to cry. 

    I have found I can concentrate much better. At work I am finally a asset instead of a hinderance. It was awful, in the height of my depression- i had no ability to remember, my eyes couldn't see and focus. and my hearing was muffled . My stomach had that awful fight or flight feeling. Those were my primary problems, with a whole host of more minor complaints. You know on Facebook some little saying will come up with a clever way of saying, all that has happened to me has made me stronger. I say thats a lot of B**lSh*t. If it ( depression) didn't kill you, your just damn lucky. Luckier still if you can find a treatment that works. Well thats my brilliance , haha for today.... 

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    I have lost so much hair and I started rogain again today. Solution this time instead of foam.

    has anyone used it???

  15. dreinke
    Latest Entry

    It has been years since posting here or replying to content. Too busy living life. Just got back from a two week trip to Spain. I keep busy updating my personal blog and writing chapters in a collaborative stroke book.  I barely have enough time writing 5-25 posts a day to visit stroke forums along with a full time job.  Deans' Stroke Musings for those who aren't offended by swearing. 11 years and having the time of my life.  My 10,000 step a day goal has been going strong for 13 weeks.

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    I'm just sitting here bored out of my mind.  there is no one down in the Social Room I want to visit with. (I live in an Independent Living Senior apartment building-I'm the youngest one here by a few years).  There isn't anything on tv except for all the controversy surrounding "you know who" for a while until baseball comes on.  was supposed to have an MRI yesterday but the machine broke Monday night so now I have to wait until May1.  Have a 48 hour EEG coming up next Mon-Wed. decided to stop my volunteer work with the local bus company because I was concerned about being out with a group and having one of my episodes. I was a Mobility Mentor-we go with seniors/disabled on the bus to appointments/shopping/outings.   We show them how to ride the bus and help them get there and back home. I'm also the Activities Coordinator for the Mobility Travel Club I set up here in my building-I look for things for the travel club to do and schedules the outings.  having one of my episodes and not feeling to hot but don't want to go be alone in my apartment. I will be so glad when we figure out what is going on with me and takes steps to resolve these issues. of course that may not happen, but I am hopeful.

  16. thejule1
    Latest Entry

    I'm ashamed to say I have not been on here for a long time.  Larry has had some health issues lately.  I was in the hospital overnight for the first time in 30 years due to a blood pressure problem.  Luckily my son was able to be here to take care of Larry.  Fortunately I was only in the hospital for one night but I need to plan a "what if" should I be unable to take care of him for a longer period next time.  You never know what is around the corner. 

    For the second time since the end of 2014 Larry had another battle with aspiration pnuemonia.   He was doing well on the feeding tube after we got him on the right formula two years ago.  He finally gained weight and was at 183.  This last hospitalization knocked the daylights out of him.  He was in the hospital for a couple of weeks and then in the short term rehab for another month.  Due to all the antibiotics he was taking, he contracted C-Diff.  He continued to work hard in therapy which helped.   He was able to come home but it took a while before he was able to walk with his cane again.  I couldn't get our good physical therapist until 5 days later.  He has made good progress and is walking again with his cane and transferring well.  He had his 7th stroke anniversary in February.  I can tell he has declined some over the years but I am happy I was able to get him back home again.  He is looking forward to watching our first Cardinal home game this Sunday.  

    We are lucky that we have not had any snow to speak of so far.  Spring is starting early here.

    My best to all,










  17. Hi,

    I thought I would write more often, but this seems to be the pace.

    I stopped going to our Older Persons Center (OPC) where I would work out on the rehab exercise machines.  I was trying to see if I could get off Ambien and get my head to quit hurting all the time.  It is so tiring.  So far no luck.  I went to a new neurologist last month who specializes in chronic head aches to see if there is another approach.  She has me on Pamelor which is supposed to make you sleepy.  Not me, just kinda excited, but very tired.  Weird.  But I have to build up the dose over a few months to see if there is improvement.  It's some sort of antidepressant, but fortunately I don't need it for that.  S'pposed to help with nerve pain and interupt the feedback look for pain.   If not, then try something else.

    Social security decided that I was disabled.  I thought I would be glad to get that decision.  But it created weird feeling.  I know I am disabled, but I don't want other people telling me that.  It seemed like a jail sentence.  It was faster decision than I thought it would take, guess I am more messed up than I thought.  Oh well, I keep telling myself I will still walk the Appalachian Trail, so maybe something will happen. So far I've only walked a few hundred yards on that point between Tennessee and North Carolina, pre-stroke.

    It's time to get the garden started.  Got some seeds planted indoors.  Now I have to build a cover for my garden so that deer, rabbits, and ground hogs don't eat everything.  This has been a constant battle.  Hopefully I will get more of my vegs than I give to them this last year.  Animals 100, John 0.

    I saved some tomato seeds from an Heirloom a few years ago and decided this year to try them.  They have started to grow.  first step.  Now to grow them and see what I got.  I don't know what they are.  In my haste back then I only labeled the envelope heirloom seeds.  Duh, what one?  Sometimes I get so frustrated with me.  Why did I think I would remember the type?  Oh well.  If I can get them to grow and the deer don't eat the blooms like last year, I will find out if they are cherry or larger.  I am hoping they are cherry.  if so I know they are Ruby Pearls.  So have been the best small cherry - grape sized I have ever eaten.  So sweet.  Others are good, but these are just a little better.

    I'm always open to better ways to garden, so if you have tricks, I'm all ears.  Thanks,

    all for now, Have a Great Day everyone!

  18. smallory
    Latest Entry

    Please read my blog articles by clicking here.  


  19. I'm so happy to report my wife is better walking, sleeping, and being herself again.... God is good all the time!!!!! So all I can think of is take her to some place she loves and enjoys being there..... She even got up this morning and went to early morning Glory service at church driving herself in my car of course........


    That place will be the Casino since they have already sent me an email for two free nights at the Hotel...... :D She was cleared by her doctor this week and all the gear she was using was turned in so she can wear regular clothes and shoes again and return to work full time.... God Is Good All The Time!!!!


    I send my Thanks for All Your Prayers and Best Wishes they were all good, thank you all!!!!!


    Thank You, Thank You....... :D

  20. ksmith
    Latest Entry

    Well tomorrow is the day that I only consume liquid. I have Tuesday I have a surgery that will change my life for the better. Then why am I scared? I’ll tell you:


    I explained it to my mother that I feel like a drug addict that is facing life after rehab. The fear of the unknown. It is a common fear with this according to other candidates for the surgery. So I’m not crazy? I often say to myself; ‘I love my pizza and pasta and goodies’, and then I feel trepidation with my decision. Crazy right? Well no. The same fear I’m feeling is the same after my stroke. ‘I love riding my bike and walking in heels’ was what I would often say and still to this day I feel less of a woman for heels, well in my mind, made a woman sexy…attractive to men. That kind of feeling is the same that I first thought about myself after my stroke I mean who would ever want me? I was married at the time and we were mainly best friends, to no fault of his, for I forgot the first nine years of our marriage. Sure, we could have rebuilt it but before the stroke there were problems in our marriage. Despite that, he stood my myside for five years after the stroke and he is still one of my best friends. In that time I was able to relearn many daily functions of life but I still don’t feel attractive enough to attract a man. (Not that I’m looking now)
    It’s thoughts like that and advice from people that made my decision to get back into shape. The surgery will allow that to happen. This is the last course of action I wanted to take but the invisible aspects of my stroke make that nearly impossible. But little by little I’m trying to correct my health by taking these steps.


    Now, I started this out by likening this surgery as a drug addict. Food was my drug. Comfort was my drug. It was also my antidepressant throughout my recovery from stroke. Now I have to adjust to the changes, which frankly aren’t that different from when I was workout I was doing before the stroke. Yes, my food size will GREATLY decrease. I was, before my stroke, riding my mountain bike twenty miles a day was nothing but, that also allowed me to eat almost anything. And I did.


    I’m stronger than this and I know that I can overcome this challenge for if I overcame my stroke to life again I got this too. Bring it on Tuesday!!

  21. So today was a surfing day. The one last month got called off because a whale carcass had washed up on a beach a bit close to where the event was scheduled, and the authoraties were being nutty about possible sharks. OK so the risk of a larger shark being in the area was increased but REALLY it had gone from minimal to minimal + a tiny bit. However the local papers were being stupid about it so they cancelled our day. Not because the risk was significant but because the publicity if something went wrong would have stopped it forever. When will people accept that sharks are a part of being in the sea and mostly they prefer to leave people alone?


    Today we were at a beach further down the coast. So I had a 2.5 hour drive there and back. And right now I'm stuffed! It was a magic day though. I had 2 times on the board, with 4 rides in each set. We had perfect weather for it. air temp about 28, with a light breeze, sunny but not too bright sand comfortably warm. water temp about 15.


    So 8 "surfs" a little walk on a beach and 5 hours in the car has exhausted me but I'm happy exhausted and I don't really care.


    For 5 of my 8 rides I was on my knees, for the others I was lying on my stomach. For someone like me I get on the board facing shore in knee deep water and then the crew carry/push me out to the break, then a pilot gets on the back and does the kicking/steering and the support crew form a funnel back to the beach and stand by in case they are needed. I got a serious amount of water up my nose on a few ocassions as we were backing out. And I fell off in the shallows twice at the end of a run, and had to be hauled back to my feet, but there's nothing like the joy of being in the sea, especially when I know that there are plenty of people about to not let me drown. The volunteers are amazing.


    The surf day is organised by the Disabled Surfers Association and anyone with any sort of disability is encouraged to come along and get wet. They have volunteers to help you with changing in and out of wetsuits and they have mermaid tail suits for people who can't walk or easily get in or out of a normal wetsuit. They have beach wheelchairs and portable hoists etc. For those of us who are more mobile the volunteers help you across the sand and even though I go without a carer it doesn't matter.


    The surf boards they use are ultra big soft learner boards about 3 meters long and not quite a meter wide.For people who need it they use water beanbags to prop them up. The surfers are all ages and so are the volunteers. They must have put at least 150 disabled people onto the water over the 5 hours that the session runs. and there would have to be about 20 volunteers for each surfer. So it's a huge exercise to run it. They do it 3-4 times each summer so hopefully I can do it again next month.
    I was supposed to be going out to a film with Mum and Dad tonight but once I got home I rang them and cancelled. Maybe I'm finally learning to pace myself a little. Don't count on it though

  22. Time flies...having fun or not. William is still not able to walk on his own. We do make it to the pool about 4 times a week. I have decreased our workout time to 30 minutes. We used to do an hour. That is about all that we do.
    Our day goes as follows:
    William gets up around 6 am and Wa Him to the recliner. He takes his morning meds and has something to drink. I get him back to bed and I get to the YMCA and start my morning routine. I usually do laps for 30 minutes and then take a water class. I do a yoga class or weights or a cardio machine. I usually have 3-4 hours at the gym.
    I make it home and get breakfast for William. I next take the dogs out for a walk. We usually get to the park and walk for an hour.
    Now it is noon or 1 pm. I take William to a different YMCA that has a therapeutic pool. We will get home in an hour or so. I usually buy a subway sandwich for William on the way home. He is usually hungry.
    By the time we reach home 30 minute drive...William is ready for a nap.
    I do the laundry and walk the dogs. The usual clean the house and cook and shop.
    I take William to the Ymcas monthly luncheon. I have stopped going out to eat since I have retired. I have more time to cook.
    I have my weekly ladies bible study and monthly luncheon with friends.
    I have not been taking William to church since he has gotten more confused. I watch church on Tv.
    I got rid of cable and have an indoor antennae that works well. William likes to watch Patton over and over again.
    We are used to our new routine.
    I enjoy my free time at the gym. I have not missed work. My day is filled up.