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  • A  blog is a personal journal of your daily life as a stroke survivor or stroke caregiver.  Surprisingly, countless members have called it therapeautic to write down their thoughts and to vent their frustrations.  You can make it private, just for your eyes or public and share your personal thoughts with your friends.  Why not try it, create your blog and start writing and see if it helps you.  

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  1. Strokewife
    Latest Entry

    Memory-
    All alone in the moonlight…I can smile happy your days (I can dream of the old days)…Life was beautiful then…I remember the time I knew what happiness was…Let the memory live again…

     

    While I found myself sluggishly gazing at a moonbeam shining itself through the window late one night not so long ago I softly sang a few bars from the song Memory.  This song is from the 1981 Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Cats. Grizabella, a character in Cats sings the song.  She is a very old, disheveled cat who in this song harks back to her days as a glamorous dancer and declares her wishes to start a new life.

     

    Suddenly, my mind drifted in thought about my stroke survivor who was lying not so quietly asleep next to me.  It has been over two years since his first stroke.  He had a second stroke almost exactly one year prior to the first one.  In those two and a half years my husband seems to have settled.  What I mean by this is he isn’t so eager to work on recovery. It seems he is more just about existing. We still go to therapy but not as often.  He takes himself to the bathroom daily but not always without assistance.  Dressing himself has not improved.  Preparing lunch by him does not happen. Basically, working the remote for the TV is his greatest skill post stroke.  Certainly, I hope I do not sound trite or disgruntled. I very much continue to encourage my husband with every flip of the coin.  Thus, the point of this thought regarding a song called Memory is about that very thing-his memory. 

     

    My Stroke Survivor still has a large collection of vinyl record albums along with the stereo equipment to play them.  However, none of this stuff was connected or working with our more modern day equipment.  This was a hat I chose not to wear.  So, one day after hearing him moan about how badly he would like to play his records I called a good friend of his who shared the same sentiments and ask if he could get the turn table working.  Again, I must stress this was not an easy task to accomplish but the end result was successful.  Of course, I found myself even more appreciative of modern technology and a thing called Amazon Prime.  I love that I can download songs to my phone and play them with the press of a button.  Anyway, now there are many days that I am requested to find an album and place it on his turntable. Greatest hits from the Eagles, Bread, Boston, Chicago, and Bee Gees are to name but a few. Did I mention he can’t pull the albums out from their cover and place them on the turntable himself? Thus, I have been getting a good deep knee bend work out.  Anyway, after listening to an album each time he reflects upon a story back in the day when he was a DJ.  He tells the tale with great enthusiasm and passion.  The light glistens in his eyes as he expresses his secret on how he had the dance floor packed each night he worked the booth.  Somehow as my Stroke Survivor reminisced it registered with me just how much he has music playing all the time.  Often he will turn the TV to the music channels to play continuous music rather than watch a movie or show. When we go outside to sit and enjoy nature he will turn his phone to play music.  And now that we have a 1980’s stereo working he has the radio, DVD or album playing. Suddenly, I became very aware that he like his record on the turntable is rotating in a world from his past.

     

    Therefore, as I pondered the thought about my husband I recognized that he has somewhat moved himself, since the stroke, chronologically through time starting back when he was a young boy.  Currently, he is reflecting on the eighties.  On the other side he doesn’t seem to recall much of the more current years.  I said many months after his first stroke that I had learned so much about my husband. He talked about things I had not heard about like his GI Joe collection he sold for a great deal of money, his fort in the basement where he hid from things that scared him, and a tree house outside where no girls where allowed.  As he moved through his years I started feeling like there was so much about him that I didn’t know. I believe he is stuck in the eighties because it was a very happy time of his life.  Oh we still go back to his childhood days when he was just like Karate Kid but more times than not we come back to his DJ days.  Sometimes I am sad when I talk about a memory that involves the two of us like the day he proposed to me and he doesn’t seem to recall.  So, I do find this memory thing an interesting concept my fans and wonder if there are others along with me that are living in their yesterdays?

     

    Memory-
    I must wait for the sunrise…I must think of a new life…And I mustn't give in…When the dawn comes…Tonight will be a memory too…And a new day will begin

     

  2. After six weeks of convalescence, seven weeks  since the operation I am finally out and about again. As the surgeon said might happen I do have some swelling in my left leg if I stay on it too long but at least I can drive somewhere, walk around for a while and then rest, which means I can do my own shopping, meet a friend for coffee or go to church again. I really do empathise now with people who do not have that ability to get around. It is not a good life for someone who has been active, I guess I could live that way if I had to. I have greater empathy for all those I meet in nursing homes with restricted mobility too.

     

    Do you have “Piecrust friends”? I now know I do. I adopted this expression for those friends who ring me and say “We must do lunch.” or “ I'll come and get you one of these days and we'll go for a drive” or “How would you like to go out one day soon?” and then never follow up on it. That has happened to me quite a bit during my convalescence. I use the term piecrust from an old saying of my Dad's: “Promises are like piecrusts, made to be broken.” Maybe they didn't think of what they said as a promise just some happy thought? But for me isolated at home they seemed like a ray of hope and then turned into broken promises.

     

    I have just sent out 18 thank you cards, to the people who did contact me by phone or email, those who sent me cards and letters, brought flowers or meals and supported me in my time of need. I had a lot of texts on my mobile (cell) even when I was in hospital and it made a lot of difference to the way I felt about life. I don't have Facebook on my phone but found a lot of wishes for my recovery on Facebook when I got home. I do so appreciate the thoughtfulness of those who express care and support when I really feel alone, one of the downsides of being a widow. And even now I still have those fair weather friends who assume all is well and never bother to get in touch except for a Christmas card.

     

    I don't get a lot of letters now, letter writing seems to have gone out of fashion but I usually write some letters this time of the year updating our family news rather than send off a Christmas card with sad news. And there is always some bad news, we all suffer the loss of old friends, people no longer the couple as we used to know through ill health and other sad events. September/October here is the peak time for deaths and for births, I always enjoy seeing my friends post pictures of their latest grandchild or in some cases great grandchildren. My good news is that my grandson Christopher has just been elected school Captain for his final year of high school. We do five years of high school here and then it is work or University the following year. And I have just had a visit from my Adelaide grandchildren for a day so that is good too.

     

    I have been signed off by the community nurses now. They have been wonderful coming three times a week to dress the wound. My graft is solid and although it will take many more months to look or feel anything like flesh it is considered “healed”. So I can walk about and drive and all would be well except I am so darned tired. I would say that the four weeks I sat down with my leg up contributed to that as I surely lost muscle in that time. Now I have to do a lot of upper body exercise as I am still in some pain and cannot really exercise my legs that much. I am hopeful of being allowed to swim when summer comes. I did have some help with housework during my convalescence which has been handy but I feel now it is time for me to get back to whatever the new normal turns out to be.

     

    The weather has been changeable, most of last month was very cold at night but some days recently have been hot and humid already. It was wonderful that some of those were in the school's Spring break. My Adelaide grandchildren have been able to swim in the local pool, walking distance from the apartment their mother lives in now. The state of my garden is precarious as we haven't had much rain this Spring. There has been no sudden rush of Spring flowers unfortunately and although the orange tree blossomed it did not set fruit. The more common garden plants like geraniums seem to be flourishing but the ferns hate the dry and even the bromiliads are showing signs of stress with many trumpets browning off. I love my garden so hate to see this happening. It is a disaster for local farmers of course,while just a minor nuisance for me.

     

    So now I need to slowly get back into life, for a while it may be a little restricted and probably less exciting than before. I am 70 so have lived a good long life, with many happy memories I just need to maybe slow down a bit. Everybody says they are pleased to see me back attending the organisations I belong to. But I do hope no-one is too disappointed if I do less in the church now.  I really need to pace myself more but have no intention of putting everything aside as I love to be out among my pleasant acquaintances and friends again.  I will just be less of a social butterfly. Of course our lives get busier from now on  as we do the run down towards Christmas and there is much to do.  I just need to remind myself that it isn't me who has to do it all.

  3. my 75 year old mom finally became US citizen after living in this country for more than 15 years. We all have become US citizens long time back, mom did not since she can understand English  but can't speak. So was kept on procrastinating, finally we were able to convince  her that she can give exam with interpreter and give it a try. so finally she agreed & gave exam, my mom is very smart & hardworking woman all her life, gave exam & passed with flying colors. all three of us siblings went with mom for her interview & oath ceremony. I vaguely remember mine. I felt this ceremony was more poignant & beautiful, agent talked about how US as melting pot & each immigrant who decided to come in this foreign country after leaving all that they knew in their home country behind & made US as their home. As an immigrant they brought their culture, food & some of that rubbed on people living here before them & some of the American's culture rubbed on these immigrants, so its one big melting pot, there was president Trump's welcoming speech & then pledge of allegiance & our national anthem. This was most beautiful ceremony & I felt so happy & proud to be in this new motherland which has given us all love & allowed us to make home away from home. I had to thank INS officer for wonderful service they did of-course it choked me up, though it made her very happy too.

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    ON A NORMAL DAY SINce RETIRING FROM MY EDUCATION CAREER,  I WAKE AT 5 WHEN MY WIFE  RISES TO BEGIN HER WORKDAY I I GO TO THE KITCHEN, GET AN ESPRESSO AND OPEN THE LAPTOP TO SEE WHAT MAY HAVE HAPPENED IN THE WORLD OVERNIGHT.THEN ITS OFF TO THE GYM ABOUT 8,AM AFTER THE SCHOOL TRAFFIC IS DONE. I SPEND  AN HOUR THERE,THEN HOME FOR BREAKFAST BUT .BACK ON AUG 28 WHILE ON THE VERY BUSY 2 LANE ROAD HEADING HOME, I FELT MY TRUCK PULL HARD LEFT TOWARDS ONCOMING TRAFFIC, I WAS NOT SURE WHAT WAS HAPPENENNING TO THE TRUCK,SO I SLOWED TO 30MPH, THEN I REALIZED IT WAS MY LEFT ARM PULLING THE WHEEL OVER TO THE .LEFT  I REMOVED IT FROM THE STEERING AND DROVE WITH MY RIGHT HAND UNTIL I GOT HOME,THEN IN THE DRIVEWAY I OPENED MY DOOR WITH MY RIGHT HAND AND STEPPED OUT ONTO A LEFT LEG THAT DID NOT HOLD ME, FELL HARD ONTO THE CONCRETE DRIVE. AND  PANICKED MORE THAN  A LITTLE   I FORCED MYSELF OFF THE CONCRETE ONTO THE RUNNING BOARD AND TRIED TO CATCH MY BREATH, THEN WALKED INTO THE GARAGE AND TO THE HOUSE. I WENT TO THE SHOWER AND TOOK A WARM ONE TO RELAX. THEN I TOOK MY BLOOD PRESSURE TO SEE IF IT WAS HIGH,I FOUND THAT IT WAS 202 OVER 110. I TOOK 2 ASPIRIN ( SMART) AND CALLED A NEIGHBOR TO COME OVER, HE THEN SAW ME AND TOLD ME I NEEDED TO CALL 911. I ALSO TEXTED MY WIFE WHO SAID TO MAKE THAT CALL RIGHT AWAY, SO  OF COURSE,I DID NOW ,I WAS  QUITE WORRIED, BECAUSE I HAD MADE IT TO 68 YEARS OLD HAVING NEVER BEEN HOSPITALIZED BEFORE.   I TOLD MYSELF  I WOULD TRY TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE EXPERIENCE AND JUST RELAX, THE EMT CREW WAS SO PROFESSIONAL THEY MADE IT EASY FOR ME. NEXT CAME EMERGENCY ROOM, WITH A BUSY GROUP IN BLUE SUITS ALL AROUND ME. , I KINDA FOUND IT HARD TO BREATHE, ANXIETY SET IN, AND THEY OFFERED ME OXYGEN  AND A DRUG TO RELAX ME AND LOWER MY NOW 210/112 BP. NEXT I FELT WEIRD AND WAS TOLD I WAS STROKING,, HAVING ANOTHER TIA WHICH COME IN GROUPS OFTEN., I HAD AGREED TO GET A ROUND OF TPA, THE CLOT BUSTING DRUG THAT PREVENTS MAJOR STROKES, WHICH CAN FOLLOW A TIA, SCARY BECAUSE IF I HAD ANY BLEEDING INTERNALLY, THE TPA COULD TURN 'EVIL" AND KILL ME.

    IT WORKED HOWEVER AND I WAS TAKEN TO GET A CT SCAN LOOKING FOR BLOOD AND CLOTS IN MY BRAIN, NONE WERE FOUND AS REPORTED BY THE NEUROLOGIST, SO I WAS IN THE CLEAR FOR AWHILE. PHEW! I THEN HAD MORE SCANS, A FULL 45 MINUTE MRI, TALK ABOUT CLAUSTROPHOBIC! ALSO A CARDIAC SCAN AND NUCLEAR STRESS TEST, AS A GENETIC CANDIDATE FOR HEART DISEASE, I HAVE ALWAYS CARED FOR MY HEART, EXERCISING REGULARLY AND EATING HEALTHY. I ALSO TAKE SEVERAL HEART SUPPLEMENTS THAT ARE HELPFUL, SO ALL THET TESTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE FOR HEARET DISEASE AND BLOCKAGES, OTHER THAN AN ELECTRICAL ISSUE, A RIGHT BUNDLE BRANCH BLOCK WAS DISCOVERRED, WHICH CAN CAUSE ATRIAL FIBRILATION AND ULTIMATELY LEAD TO STROKE.  I also had a full body MRI.

     I SPENT 3 NIGHTS IN EMERGENCY CARE THEN 5 MORE IN ICU. I COULD HAVE BEEN RELEASED TO REHAB , BUT IT WAS THE  FRIDAY BEFORE LABOR DAY WEEKEND AND THE REHAB CENTER WOULD NOT ADMIT A NEW PATIENT. SO 3 MORE NIGHTS IN THE RECOVERY AREA OF ICU.  FINALLY TUESDAY ARRIVED, AND I WAS TRANSFERRED TO IN- PATIENT REHAB, 

    ON LEAVING THE HOSPITAL, I WAS STRUCK WITH HOW GREAT IT FELT TO BE OUTSIDE, IF EVEN IN AN AMBULANCE,

    THE REHAB CENTER WAS AnOTHER NEW EXPERIENCE, A SMALL PRIVATE ROOM WITH very SMALL TV, a BED, LOUNGE CHAIR ANDt wo  ROLLING TABLES .THIS WAS TO BE MY HOME FOR 3 WEEKS. VERY DULL, EXCEPT FOR THE THERAPY SESSIONS WHEN MY WHEEL CHAIR WAS ROLLED INTO THE GYM, FOR TWO OR MORE HOURS OF LEG EXERCISES, AND LEARNING HOW YO USE A WALKER SAFELY. ONE  DAY AFTER SEVERAL WEEKS I WAS INSTRUCTED TO TRANSFER TO A LOW MAT- TABLE , MY CHAIR WAS PLACED SEVERAL FEET AWAY, SO I STOOD AND WALKED,TO THE MAT. THIS WAS SUCCESSFUL BUT NOT VRY PRETTY. MY LEFT LEG WAS GAINING IN STRENGTH BUT NOT POISED AND IN GOOD CONTROL, I REALIZED THOUGH THAT I HAD ACTUALLY WALKED AND WAS QUITE PROUD OF THAT ACTION. THE OT THERAPY CONCENTRATED ON MY LEFT ARM AND HAND USING VARIOUS TECHNIQUES INCLUDING E-STIM, ELECTRONIC MUSCLE STIMUATION, WHICH AMAZED ME TO SEE MY HAND AND FINGERS MOVE ANIMATEDLY. I ALSO HAD SPEECH THERAPY TO IMPROVE MY VOICE CONTROL, AND WE SPENT SOME TIME SINGING WHICH FOR ME WAS A MAJOR PART OF MY LIFE PRIOR TO ALL THIS.

    I KNEW THAT THE POSSIBILITY OF REGAINING MY GUITAR PLAYING ABILITY WAS REMOTE AND WELL INTO THE FUTURE OF ALL THIS. DEPRESSING, BUT MY  REALITY NO DOUBT.SINCE A STROKE CAN MAKE YOU VERY EMOTIONALAND  QUICKLY, I WOULD BE OVERCOME WITH CRYING JAGS WHEN  I BECAME AWARE OF THIS REALITY, AND THESE ONLY ABATED WITH A PRESCRIPTION ANTI -DEPRESSANT PRESCRIBED FOR ME. THE THREE WEEKS DRAGGED ON WITH PROGRESS BEING HARD WON, AND MANY  HOURS SPENT IN MY BORING ROOM., ALONE THANKFULLY I HAD MY LAPTOP BROUGHT IN, AND FOUND THE STRROKE SUPPORT ONLINE NETWORK, WHICH GAVE ME MANY INSIGHTS INTO WHAT OTHERS HAD EXPERIENCED WITH HAVING A STROKE AND AFTERWARDS. I ALSO STARTED READING A BOOK ON RECOVERY FROM STROKE WHICH WAS VERY EDUCATIONAL. I SAW THE POTENTIAL AND MY OPTIMISM INCREASED GREATLY.

    I JOINED AND EAGERLY READ THE POSTS FROM OTHER SURVIVORS. I RECEIVED A NUMBER OF VISITORS INCLUDING A FEW OLD FRIENDS I HAD NOT SEEN IN QUITE SOME TIME. MY WIFE CAME EVERY DAY AFTER WORK , OFTENROLLING ME OUT TO THE COURTYARD FOR SOME AIR AND SUNSHINE. I LOOKED FORWARD TO SEEING HER EACH DAY, AND SHE PREPARED TO BE MY HOME CAREGIVER SOON. I WORRIED ABOUT BURDENING HER, BUT SHE WOULD NOT HEAR ANY OF THAT, MY SONS BOTH CAME TOO AND ONE STAYED THREE DAYS, SLEEPING ON THE COUCH IN THE ROOM I HAD. HE IS  STRONG YOUNG MAN AND VERY POSITIVE , SO HIS VISIT WAS GREAT FOR MY MOTIVATION. I RELISHED THE TIMES I HAD ACCESS TO A HOT SHOWER AS THEY WERE FEW, BUTIT WAS WONDERFUL.BEING CLEAN AND  FELT GREAT AFTERWARDS. 

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    Linnie
    Latest Entry

    Helping Other Stroke Survivors

     

    When I was out walking this morning (perfect day for it!), just before I reached the trail I use for walking, I stopped along side a new apartment complex being built and asked one of the hard workers who it was that owned this new building.  He pointed at a man sitting in a truck, so nosy/friendly? (lol) me went to talk with him.

     

    The pleasant casual conversation about housing in our city took a real change when he mentioned that he has more difficulty getting around because he had a stroke 10 years ago when he was 48 years old.

     

    Got my attention right away!  I asked him what type of problems he was encountering and he replied still having to use a special cane (sorry, I think it was a hemp cane, but still uncertain about the aids needed for physical deficits....help!), as well as other challenges that impede him.  Uh, huh, another person who had played guitar, but no longer able to.   I asked if he was facing difficulty with having non-strokers understand that he had not made a full recovery.  Received a strongly asserted  “yes”.  He is lacking support.

     

    Standard situation isn’t it?  We’re expected to be totally healed in 6 months, with no residual problems.

     

    I then told this man (I can’t remember his name!!! He’s an Islander though) about StrokeNet and the help it could offer him in trying to make progress in recovery.  After telling him about the wide variety of stroke survivors, and the ability to soon being comfortable asking questions, advice, venting, etc., on this site, I saw some hope in his eyes. 

     

    He passed me a pen and a notebook, and I printed the site name StrokeNetwork, and advised him to check it out, read through some of the topics in Stroke Survivor Support forum, Community Discussions, etc., to determine if he would like to be a member.  I also informed him it’s easy to register thru Kelli to be able to post.

     

    I admit, it was a very good feeling to know that perhaps this man will no longer feel alone!  Reading other members’ comments that this site has been a Godsend, I now plan to be more active in letting others know.  I sincerely wish I had known about this site earlier than I did; I was very hesitant in sharing my story online, but now know that it was the right thing to do.  

     

    Love you all!     A hug is a great gift....

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    HostSue
    Latest Entry

    I accidentally created this while trying to work out for Linnie what the name was, the title of the blog or of the post.

     

    This will be just left as a bad example...lol.

     

    Sue.

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    SarahR
    Latest Entry

    This past week has been the week from Hell.   I believe it started on Sunday when we had two Eucharistic Ministers stop by to give us communion.   We had to lock the puppy in the kennel while they were here because he gets so excited when anyone comes to visit, that he just doesn't calm down.   He sat in that kennel and yipped the whole time, which was very distracting and Gary had a hard time swallowing and began choking.   Monday didn't go much better.   I waited for Kelly to get Gary in the shower before I took off to run my errands and get a few groceries.   I decided to stop for breakfast at the local family owned restaurant first and take a little "me" time.   I came out of the restaurant, started up the car and noticed that a "low tire" light was on, so on my way to the grocery store I spotted a tire shop and pulled in to see if they could check my tires.   Most places can pull the air hose right outside and fill them, but the guy at this older garage asked me to pull inside the garage to do it.  I had to carefully pull in on one of those stupid ramps that I hate, he checked my tires and filled them all equally as they were all low.   When I went to back out, I had to step on gas harder to get over the end of that ramp and down the back side of it, and I ended up backing into a car that was just outside the door of the garage.  I had looked out side view mirror and back window but didn't see him.  The backup camera had a glare from the morning sun as I exited the garage, so I couldn't use it.   I got a nice ding in my back fender just below the tail light, but the other guys car was worse.  His driver's side door crunched in and he lost his side view mirror (I believe that's what made the ding in my vehicle).  I was so lucky he wasn't in his car or standing near it, but I sure wished I could have seen it before I heard it hit.    arrrrgggh.   

     

    The next couple of days was dealing with insurance and repair shop.  I had to take it to Casa Grande on Wednesday for estimate and leave it there, and drive home in a rental car.  The tech at the repair shop kept trying to convince me I needed a new bumper as well as the ding repaired, and I told him I not only didn't want or need a new bumper (only a few minor scratches, barely visible) but I didn't want my car tied up in the shop waiting for  parts when the ding could be fixed without having to order parts.  I had a heck of a time trying to explain to him that with a disabled spouse in Gary's condition, I would not be able to get him in and out of a another vehicle if I had to get him out, so being without my vehicle for a long period of time would not be good for us.  All he cared about was $$$$ from insurance, I was wasting my breath.    I stopped at the grocery store on the way home with the rental car and had a difficult time getting out and back in it myself - can't imagine trying to get Gary in it, as it sits pretty low to the ground.   I could have asked for a SUV but then I'd have had to pay the extra that insurance didn't cover.   By the next morning I was still upset about the tech insisting that I needed a new bumper, so I called to talk to him.  I tried again explaining our situation and how it would be difficult having my car tied up that long, but was pretty sure it fell on deaf ears, even though he said he would try to push it ahead of schedule.

     

    Friday morning I got up early and had planned to get out for a couple hours.  Shortly before 8 a.m. I let the dog out to potty, and when he didn't come back to the door within a few min. while I was cooking Gary's breakfast, I went to check on him.   I saw him standing on the side of the yard, staring into space and falling sideways like he couldn't control his legs.  I ran to get my shoes so I could walk across the rocks to get him, and he was down on his side staring up at me when I reached down to pick him up.   I carried him over to the shaded area of the patio and laid him on a rug next to his water dish and tried to get him to sip some water off my fingers.  His head dropped and he just wanted to lay down....he was totally lethargic.   I ran in to the house to call the vet and had to wait on hold till they checked to see if they could get him in.   I told the receptionist I couldn't bring him over until I had a caregiver here to sit with Gary, as I could not leave my husband alone.   She scheduled us for 9:15  and as soon as Kelly arrived to care for Gary, I headed over to the vet with the dog.  He checked him over carefully after I explained what had happened and he said from all indications, it appeared he had a seizure, but that they don't give meds for seizures to dogs that young.   He said keep an eye on him, keep him comfortable and if it happens again in next few days, call them.   I brought the dog back home and left him with Kelly and Gary so I could get a few groceries.   He was back to his normal ornery self within 24 hours.

     

    While I was out I checked my messages just in case Kelly discovered something else I needed that I might have forgot to put on grocery list.   I had a text from the repair shop that my vehicle would be ready 10/10/17.....that's 2 weeks after the date I took it in for a small ding.........are you kidding me???   I was really upset but figured the more I complained, the longer they would drag it out and I was pretty sure he was determined to go ahead and put a bumper on it in spite of what I wanted.   Then I got a call around 12:30 from the tech who told me they were pushing to get it done by late that afternoon and might have it ready by 6 p.m.   I asked Gary's caregiver to stay a couple extra hours and when I didn't hear back from him by 4 p.m., figured it would be too late anyhow as I would still have to return the rental car before 6 p.m. if I drove over to get my car.   He called around 6:30 to say they were still working hard to get it done but don't come on Sat. as they won't have it painted yet, so Monday was looking like a better day to pick it up.   They had already cost me another $75 for Kelly's extra three hours, so I was glad I didn't have to hire her to come on Sat. and then find out it wasn't ready.   Who knows what Monday will bring?!?   Insurance will pay for the rental car till Tuesday, but after that it's out of my pocket, so hopefully Monday is the day............keeping fingers and toes crossed.

     

    Yepp, I guess you could say this was a pretty crappy week overall......here's hoping for a better week and month ahead.

     

    Sarah

     

  4. ksmith
    Latest Entry

    Today is time for change and I hope it turn out alright. On an Impulse buy, I bought hair dye for my "platinum" highlights are over staying their welcome so I'm trying red..... fingers crossed

    my parents are gone on holiday so I'm housing sitting so I'm full of Impulses..:@#*%::lol:

  5. I've just got back from today's Running Program Session.  This is the second one I've been to since the toe surgery. Last week I had pain after 3 sets of stairs so we had to stick to low impact, low stretch activities.  Today I started with 6 minutes on the cross trainer. followed by 10 sets of stairs with no discomfort at all. Did my total gym left leg squats and some "calf raises" also all fine so then we moved across to the mini tramp.  Once on the tramp Hannah got serious about getting me up on my toes. which I haven't been able to do for probably years. between the curly toes, spastic calf and calf surgery.  I felt like a real cltuz as I just couldn't do what she asked.  It turns out I've been compensating really well by using my knee rather than my ankle, but now she wants me to do it the right way (as physically it should be possible now). We eventually got me doing it by taking my shoes off and using the total gym at almost flat, with Hannah providing tactile feedback. It was so hard to do I was dripping with sweat and exhausted after just a few.  But I did it, now to make this the move the body wants to do rather than the other way.  Then I'll need to build strength again so I can do it with weight and gravity. I feel a bit like I'm back at square one, although I also know this is how it has to be done. and I'll get more from unlearning the bad habit. It's just always so hard to take a step back so you can move forward.

  6. RonA

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    Sometimes you get a lot more out of a product than you expected. My wife and I recently purchase one of those lightweight, fold-up, power travel wheelchairs and it has turned

    out to be a real blessing. Although I am a relentless consumer of information about things that could help people such as my wife, who have had strokes, I had never heard of this particular product until a blogger from this site, who writes under the name Strokewife, told me about it. She had bought one for her husband and assured me that it was a godsend for them and allowed them to take a much-needed cruise together.  With that information, I set out to research the product quite a bit. I finally found a chair slightly more expensive than the one Strokewife bought and decided to buy it. The reason was that it has a footrest that can fold back out of the way, thus enabling the user to get closer before sitting down. This particular chair, made in Malaysia, also impressed me with its quality and with various reviews I read. The chair is made out of lightweight aircraft aluminum and folds up to the size of carry-on luggage. Indeed, that makes it ideal of air travel, though some airlines apparently require you to check it rather than store it in the cabin. Although the chair's weight is not a lot lower than the weight of the manual chair we had been using, it is far quicker and easier to use and requires no assembly to set up once you pull it out of your vehicle. FiveSometimes you get a lot more out of a product than you expected. My wife and I recently purchased one of those lightweight, fold-up power wheelchairs and it has turned days after I ordered the chair it arrived from Malaysia, fully charged and ready to go. We took a few days for Dorothy to become acquainted with it inside the house before taking it out. We started in an uncrowded grocery store before progressing through a slightly crowded Costco and then to one of our favorite restaurants. It was wonderful. Let me tell you why.

    I never minded pushing Dorothy and her manual chair anywhere she wanted to go but she did, at least some. She said she never felt independent when she had to be pushed through stores, restaurants or what have you. As for me, the problem with the manual chair was that I always had to stop for doors that don't open automatically. If no one held the door open for us, I would have to open the door myself and awkwardly push Dorothy and the chair on through it while she did her best to help with the one good leg she has and I held the door open until she got through it. Once inside I had to go everyplace she went, of course. Furthermore, I couldn't use a shopping cart because I couldn't push one of those and the wheelchair too. It was all do-able but somewhat inconvenient. With the power chair, once I have it outside of our SUV and unfolded, Dorothy can get in and go anywhere she wishes. If she wants to browse one part of Costco while I browse another area, she can do so. If I lose sight of her I can call her on her cell phone or she can call me. And of course I can use a cart to put items in just like we did pre-stroke. It may sound simple and even trite but it makes a huge difference for use. We go out more often because it is easier and more enjoyable. In short, this chair is wonderful and well worth the $2,500 price.

    Everywhere we go people take notice of the chair. Not many have seen one for some reason even though they been around for several years. I'm not sure why except that they are travel chairs and I don't think insurance usually pays for them. To me they are a great,  mostly undiscovered treasure and I am forever indebted to Strokewife for telling me about them. The chairs even look good and are far more compact than a manual chair.

    Dorothy has a regular power chair, by the way, but it weighs more than 200 pounds and thus cannot be transported without installing one of those lifts on the back of our vehicle. While we could do that, it would be less than ideal in that we would still have to get the chair from inside our house to the garage, which requires use of a portable ramp. Once again, it is do-able but not convenient and thus discourages usage. Another option would be one of those full-size power travel chairs that can be disassembled into three pieces so as to be stored in the back of a car or SUV. That would work but assembling and disassembling a full-size power wheelchair is not exactly convenient. With the foldable chair that we bought, you just pull it out of the vehicle and open it. No leg rests to install, no parts to assemble, no nothing.  The battery is lightweight and is based on the technology long used by the computer industry. The 45-pound total weight of the chair is a bit heavier than you might think but I can handle it fine and I am 73 years old. Women my age might have more trouble, so everyone should keep that in mind. Then again, anyone who manages to load and unload a manual chair could certainly handle this one.

    I'm telling you folks all of this because this kind of wheelchair might do as much to improve the quality of your lives as it has done for ours. I can't overstate what a difference it makes. Going out and getting around is so much simpler and easier than it was prior to our purchase of this chair. It has literally been a life changer for us just as it was for my friend Strokewife and her husband. We leave it in the back of our SUV so it is always loaded and ready to go.

    There are several brands of these chairs on the market and I have no way of comparing them. Ours is called Foldawheel and it is sold on the manufacturer's website, Wheelchair88.com, as well as on Amazon. We bought the smaller chair in the series because my wife is not large. It's plenty big for her and can even transport me a test drive showed. All I can tell you is that we have found no problems with the chair or the company in the 3 months since our purchase. The company has been easy to reach and responsive when we've had questions. And their shipping was flawless and fast. I can't vouch for the other manufacturers but I have no reason to think they wouldn't be fine too. 

    So there, I've said it. You all know what I know and if you think this kind of chair would be as good for you as it has been for my wife and me, I wish you the very best

     

  7. SassyBetsy
    Latest Entry

    I went to urgent care and thought I would pop in and out but the next thing I knew it the doctor was poking and prodding and ogling and then demanding that I go over to the emergency room for more of the same. So way I went to the inconvenience of everyone around me. And my last words were please don't let them let me suffer. So even though this hospital has all my medication names and they make me check it over and over at each visit when I came here they could not get one of my medications. And nothing was on time. Then the nurse who it disappeared for a while came back and told me she apologized that she had had to help and the emergency patient. She said that everyone was tied up with that and no one could see to my pain so I laid for two hours crying and when the nurse came back with the medication and was going in and out of the room the next thing you know she said why are you still crying does it still hurt. I already know that few staff know about central pain problems but the callous joking laughing not taking it seriously it this pain held up getting some other tests done and so they came back in saying what we won't do it if you don't want us to and I never refused anything but I just beg to have my regular pain medication and it seemed like they wanted it just on their schedule and it was it was heartbreaking to be in a hospital where are you trust people and you've come for help and you know your your pain is an inconvenience to them you know it's just I literally was putting my hands up covering my eyes my head just telling them please please go away and wait until my pain medicine I have dizziness and the room was spinning the people come in I don't see their faces the lights are bright I'm hurting and they're saying things to me that I can't understand and they're wanting me to answer thing and when I said I don't know the doctor would be like you have to know these things you can do this and how could I I don't know and I won't know my mind is a confusion and okay then then I was crying somehow and the next thing I know I'm having a heated discussion telling the doctor no I didn't refuse anything and very upset at the nurse and then I realize I can't see their eyes where's my glasses I can't see them I'm talking to them and I can't even see him and so then the next thing you know that the nurse was looking for it looked all over and we couldn't figure out where my glasses went and then he had fallen on the floor and we're underneath the IV stand and she hadn't moved out in her search and so that's where the glasses were and I hadn't even thought about them being underneath it but anyway just more confusion you know like make sure your patients have their glasses on and make sure your patients have their I'm laying here shivering because the blankets I had are on the floor somewhere you know it's just I can't even explain no it ain't nobody really keeps an eye on you I don't know I guess I'm in a good place in case something's about to happen but I'm worried too because I haven't felt like myself and so I'm glad to have people that can help me but boy still in their own hospital where I get to you know I get these it's finals here here at this Hospital and they don't seem to even you know that comprehend just the staff I just can't leave that the staff doesn't know enough not taking it seriously it this pain at held up getting some other test done and so they came back in saying what we won't do it if you don't want us to and I never refused anything but I just baked to have my regular pain medication and it seemed like they wanted it just on their schedule and it was it was heartbreaking to be in a hospital were are you trust people and you come for help and you know your you're pain is in inconvenience to them your you know it's just I literally was putting my hands up covering my eyes my head just telling them please please go away and wait until my pain medicine I have dizziness and the room was spinning the people come in I don't see their faces the lights are bright I'm hurting and they are saying things to me that I can't understand and there wanting me to answer things and when I said I don't know the doctor would be like you have to know these things you can do this and how could I I don't know and I won't know my mind is the confusion and okay then then I was crying somehow and the next thing I know I'm having a heated disc discussion telling the doctor know I didn't refuse anything and very upset at the nurse and then I realize I can't see their eyes where's my glasses I can't see them I'm talking to them and I can't even see him and so then the next thing you know the the nurse was looking for it looked all over a week couldn't figure out where my glasses went and then your dad fall in on the floor and we're underneath the IV stand and she hadn't move that in her search and so that's where the glasses were and I hadn't even thought about them being underneath it but anyway just more confusion you know like make sure your patience have their glasses on and make sure your patience have their I'm laying here shivering because the blankets I had a run the floor somewhere you know its just I can't even explain know date nobody really keeps in I on you I don't know I guess I'm in it good place in case something is about a thing but I am worried too because I haven't felt like myself and so I'm glad to have people that can help me but boy I still in there own hospital where I get to he know I get these this finals here here it this hospital and they don't seem to even you know it comprehend just the staff night just can't believe that this staff doesn't know enough hand I've it I'm very intolerant of their pathetic ignorance. Right now whatever was hurting fails behind the central nerve pain that I suffer with and it makes me see how miraculous my drug doses are in my life. And I was telling the nurse there's a reason I take all of this medication and the nurse kept saying I'm not judging I'm not judging. That's the problem. Everyone seems so afraid of these opiates and so maybe for the abusing non stroke Folk they might be a danger but I do not have a life without them I'm fact I don't even have a day without them. So now I've passed from Doctor to doctor told my pain story a thousand times today and I'm completely exhausted and I still have not received whatever relief I thought I was going to get today so maybe tomorrow with a whole bunch of people come at me again maybe I will have the pain relief to endure it.

  8. GeorgeLesley
    Latest Entry

    Lesley's mum now is settling in with us. She is accepting her new life here in TN, a big change from 94 years of living in New Zealand. We can detect some homesickness, but she knows that moving here was her only alternative other than a NZ nursing home. She is very bright, mentally amazingly sharp, no memory issues, and still able to get around with a cane and walker. A few naps during the day and she is refreshed and active all day. Amazing.

     

    We just completed a month long trip in our motorhome with mum. When she got here I put a chair lift in the motorhome for her use. Amazingly she seldom needs it. Lesley and I get on each end of the stairs into the motorhome and she gets up or down the stairs with one of us pushing and one gently pulling.

     

    our trip was up to Wisconsin for a week with friends, then on to Iowa for some work on the RV at the factory. We then went to the wonderful town of Amana. Lots of things to see no do. A planned day stop turned nto several days. We then went thru Illinois to Shipshewanna, Indiana. A planned three day stop became almost two weeks. I grew up nearby in the Elkhart, IN area and was able to show mum where I lived, worked and played. We stopped by the grade school I went to for four years and asked if they had anything on classes in the early 1950's. The lady said no, but after thinking about it she came up with some PTA meeting minutes. My mother was mentioned in them a few times. What a neat trip down memory lane!

    I was also able to show mum where I lived as a five year old in a house trailer and walked 10 blocks alone everyday to and from kindergarten. The school and trailer park are still there. I felt pretty good about my memory still being able to find these places considering I was five and that was 67 years ago!

     

     

    we then drove back home over two days, stopping in Kentucky for the night. Lesley drove about 1/2 the time and did her share of dumping the tanks, and hooking up the water and electric. All in all, an really memorable trip. That is the essence of traveling in an RV, creating memories. It is not going from point A to point B via the fastest route. We avoid interstates when we can, seldom go thru any large cities, and stick to US and State highways. So much more to see and do. Lesley has learned to navigate well and between us we get it done. Often times we have no plan as to where we will stay that night, but we always find somewhere!

     

    Mum is always agreeable to whatever we do. Our last day in Shipshewanna, Indiana, Lesley asked me if she should wake mum up from her nap and take her to town again, I told her I thought mum just needed a day of rest. So Lesley went on her own, I think she also needed a day alone. When mum awoke she and I had some good mother-in-law/son-in-law time. Another irreplaceable memory created.

     

    we expect to be home now until November when we are planning a week in Branson,Mo which is veterans week. Then back home and not sure after that. We had planned three weeks in Corpus Christi, TX over Christmas but the hurricane hitting there a few weeks ago may change that. We will find somewhere.

     

    well, my coffee cup is empty so time to go.

  9. Dan decided to eat some soup, some jello and watermelon-- he has drank some water. So for now - until the next time, he is in that undecided mode. He only took nourishment because he wants to be able to go to church. I had told him I can't take him as weak as he was, so he had that little bit of nourishment. Down and up -- up and down....... still - a waiting game. :undecided:

  10. ruthwilliam
    Latest Entry

    William and I are a few of the fortunate ones.  We are high and dry.  Our little area was spared.  I am so glad.  I do not know how I would have handled having to evacuate with William.  I am very thankful.  We have been watching the news round the clock and it has been scary.  Today for the first time, I drove out to the grocery store.  The store was out of bread and eggs. Some of the produce was not available.  But, all in all it was a nice little outing.  I have been spending my time walking the dogs and quilting.  My YMCA was flooded and the parks that I walk to are flooded.  So, I just walk around the neighborhood.  We have had cooler weather.  Not the high 90's.  It actually is in the 70's at night and early morning.  This does not feel like summer.

    one morning,. I gathered up all of the extra blankets and towels and some clothes.  But, I had nowhere to bring it.  A lot of the roads are not passable.  Besides the fact that I have to be available to take care of William.  I may just have to bring it to goodwill later.  Most of the shelters near me have all gotten all of the donations that they need and are not accepting any more.  People are so generous.  Lots of airlifts.  The road near us was a river and boats were constantly going on it.  Surreal.

    we never lost power or had water damage.  We are on the hospital grid.  We live very near the hospital.  Houston needs lots of help to recover from this tragedy.

  11. Some Brief Thoughts on the Second Anniversary of My Stroke

     

    Two years ago today, while going through security at SeaTac airport, I had a stroke – a brain bleed that in the majority of cases is not survivable. My left side was paralyzed and I remained in hospitals in the Seattle area for a month. I had to relearn how to walk, talk, chew, swallow, and do most of the things that make us normal.  In the past two years I have worked hard, given up, cried, laughed, been angry, been grateful, learned (or learned to use) new swear words, and some days, just stayed in bed. I walk slowly and awkwardly, but I walk. My left hand doesn’t function fully, but I am figuring out new ways to do things. Overall I am grateful, but I expect the sadness and anger will never completely go away.

     

    Today we finalized a three week trip to Argentina and Chile, cruising around Cape Horn. We are not doing it the way we would have in the past, but we are going to our sixth continent! Life is good!

  12. It's been a while since I've written a blog and been really active on the site. First of all I miss those of you I know here but I have been sort of recovering and regrouping after leaving Adrian and moving back into my Dad's house. There has been a lot of positive...my anxiety has been less, I have my own transportation, I am still waiting for the second round of disability decisions, I am close to family, my daughter is doing wonderful and is so good to me sending me $50 every other week to help me, I've been making my own choices, I even have my sleep so much better now getting to bed between 8:30 and 10. So many good things. Something has happened though 4 different times which I need to get off my chest. My Dad and I get along most of the time but he is a huge trigger at times and can evoke a pretty big anxiety attack in me at times. Once because he told me not to put my hair up in a pony tail anymore that my step mom had cut my hair and "the pony tail looked like *beep*". It was an immediate trigger and I couldn't stop the attack. I finally got to my room took my anxiety medication and finally fell asleep. A second time was him telling me "If that guy called right now I bet you would go back to him because you are stupid.". He wouldn't stop even when I begged him. I ended up half blindly driving to where my step mom is staying at my Grandmother's so I could calm down. Both of the other 2 times have been about my weight. I have gained 50 pounds since my stroke. I joined a gym a week ago so I can be healthier which hopefully will help my weight as well. He has called me fat, told me I don't care about how I look, told me he wouldn't leave me alone, to go ahead and cry until I can't cry anymore because he doesn't care, more times that I am stupid. I can't stay at the house when he gets like that because he won't stop and the anxiety attack just gets worse and worse. Each time I have gone to my Grandmother's...each time right in the middle of a pretty severe anxiety attack. It's wearing on me. I find myself just silent and to myself more and more. My Psychiatrist is concerned...he made the statement "You fell from the frying pan onto the stove.". He shows more compassion and care than any Doctor I have ever had and we talk about what my future plans are and he encourages me. I just needed to get this off my chest. My hope is that in the future I will live by myself and make all my choices and be free of the hot spots. It won't be perfect but I think I would feel so much better.

  13. srademacher
    Latest Entry

     

    Friday, June 30 th   My 69th and would have been Dan’s 44th birthday – we headed over to the new house with Kelly and her friend, Jim to do the cleaning and prep work to get ready for moving.   Jim got all of the bigger items done---door locks changed, hardwiring the electrical for the drip system, replacing fan light in bedroom #2, replacing the garbage disposal, and installing the grab bars in both bathrooms.    Kelly was here to get the cleaning done and put the shelving together for the garage items, but kept getting sidetracked with other jobs.  She watered the plants front and back and checked the chemical levels in the pool, and changed out the RO filters while Jim had the garbage disposal out of her way.   Gary was bored out of his mind when he wasn’t napping so I parked him in the living room, facing the wall where we would eventually put the big tv, and told him to pretend he was watching his favorite show on tv.  I asked him to please sit still while we worked.   As usual, he had to be a smartass and told me  “change the channel.”  

     

    Saturday –Kelly was supposed to pick me up at 6:30 so we could go get the Uhaul truck by 7 a.m.  I had arranged for a neighbor, David to come over and sit with Gary for about a half hour while we went to get truck.  It was nearly 7:10 when Kelly showed up with the Uhaul.   David stuck around and helped with the loading of items in the truck once Joel and Ryan arrived to help.  I had been up since 3:30 and got all the computer stuff unplugged and ready to go so tried to stay out of their way and keep my feet elevated.   Carmen arrived at 8 a.m. to start cleaning up behind us as we emptied out the rooms.  We were on the road to the new house by 10 a.m. and they managed to get it all unloaded from the Uhaul truck, son’s pickup and my SUV,  and were out of here by 1:30.   Gary and I were here alone with no internet, no tv and no phone service till the 3rd.    My cell phone carrier – Consumer Cellular has intermittent service here at the house – looks like I’ll be changing carriers soon.

     

    We ate a late lunch after everyone left since none of them wanted to stick around for lunch.  By 5:30 pm the pool in the back yard was shaded over enough that I didn’t need to lather myself in sunscreen, so we headed out back – me in my granny swimsuit, and him in a sleeveless top and shorts.  I parked him on the patio and grabbed the skimmer to clean the few leaves out of the pool before getting in.   It didn’t take me long to realize I need grab bars for myself to get in and out of that pool.  There was nothing to hold onto as I took the few steps down into the pool nearest the back patio area.   It was even worse trying to get out.   I had to get out on my knees and try standing up from there without anything to hold on to.  We need to remedy that sooner rather than later.   I managed a 40 min. swim and because I had been awake since 3:30 a.m., I finally hit the new bed by 7:30 p.m. and slept until 2:30 a.m.   I was exhausted.  Gary didn’t wake up to pee until nearly 5:30 a.m., and then rolled over and went back to sleep until 9 a.m.  

     

    While the new grab bars in the bathrooms work well for me, we still have a problem with getting Gary in and out of a tub.  The bathroom off the master bedroom is narrow and he has to turn a corner to get to the tub area – looks like bathroom door removal is inevitable.   For now, we can get him on back patio in a shower chair and hose him off.  

     

    We survived Sunday in the new house – just the two of us ….cell phone coverage was still very spotty and driving me crazy.  I did get a few incoming texts but could not respond to them.  Jim had texted me several times about picking up the ADA toilets and when he could install them.  I finally was able to get a text back to him that Monday was not a good day with the cable guy coming to do phone, internet, and tv hookups and Kelly would be here to help get household stuff in from the boxes in the garage.   We didn’t need more people in and out tripping over each other in the narrow hallway from the garage.  He agreed to wait until Tuesday to get it done and figure out what we need for ramps in and out of garage and back patio area.   Gary and I managed a trip out to the local Walmart for some grocery items and picked up a KFC meal at their drive-up window and headed home.  I also managed to get to the washer and dryer in the garage to run a load of clothes.

     

    Monday morning, July 3rd, Gary was yelling about 4 a.m.  I decided there was no point in trying to go back to sleep so I got up and ate my bowl of cheerios before it was even light outside.  I found a few more items I had been searching for in that pile in the garage and brought them in, but I’m still missing the connection cable for the printer.  At least I got all the computer cables hooked up so COX can hook us up to internet today whenever they get here.   I have no idea what time they are coming, but hope it’s early so I can get out to the bank and Walmart while Kelly is here.   I didn’t get all the items on my list when we went to Walmart yesterday because it’s not easy pushing a grocery cart and a 220 lb. man in a wheelchair…feeling it in my back and neck this morning….won’t do that again! 

     

    Things will eventually calm down and we can start enjoying our new home.  Once all the boxes and bins are unpacked and things neatly put away, we can enjoy the peace and quiet of a smaller community.  Our biggest problem here will be keeping the pigeons away, and I think Kelly had a good suggestion for that.  I have no idea why the house was designed with a ledge above the garage and the front entrance, but I’m sure there must have been a pigeon involved in that decision making process.  I wouldn’t mind if they just sat on the ledge, but if I want to clean up crap every day, I’ll get another dog.   No pigeon poop for me…..thanks anyhow!!!!

     

    Sarah

     

     

     

  14. Some people may be offended by this..... But today I come to the nursing home to see Dan. Who has refused to shower for almost 2 weeks now. He is fighting over the time of his shower. Somewhere, somehow, he has decided the time to be showered is 12 o'clock noon..... It has never been scheduled for that time. Whats wrong with that time ? Well plenty all the staff are busy and Dan will take himself to the shower room and load himself into the shower... Hooray independence - NOT... Its dangerous , no one is there at that time. Normally as I always have in the past I fight the battle and make it happen. But Im tired of the fight. It is a simple control mechanism . And he has no regard . For anyone in his pursuit. So Im not fighting it. Ive put my foot down and told him no more. Follow the flipping rules. Well 2 weeks out he is still refusing to shower at his time. 

    Tonight after my day at work I bring him supper- Crappy Mc Donalds again.... YUCK. anyhow, the home had turkey supper looked ok . So I figured Ill eat the darn turkey, he can eat the dog crap - Mc Donalds---. So an aid brought in the tray. set it down and Dan told her to leave. OK.... then he tells me he needs to go to the BR for a BM.... Are you kidding me. He laid there waiting for me, to come so I could take him to the Bathroom. Is that an honor? A novice caretaker might think so.... To me it is a degrading insult.... I worked and took care of him at home for years. Only to be driven to depression by his OCD behavior.. Now Im his aid still... Nope -- I left... Now the home is calling , what do we do?  I don't know?? If I knew he would still be at home with me... This man, this stinky- controlling man- I don't even know who he is. Damn - it never ends. 

  15. Well today my definition is a successful trip to the grocery store I did run into anybody with my cart I did hit one display but I did knock it over so I think I was quite successful what do you think

  16. Punch1021
    Latest Entry

    The last time I blogged it had been awhile. I said I would blog/write more, but that never happened.  Now that it seems my world is crashing, I am writing a blog.  Today marks the one year of my brother's death.  It is still hard to come to terms that he is gone.  To help cope with his loss, I sought out another therapist.  I had joined a meet up group after my second break up with my ex so life was going in the direction I wanted.  Then yesterday I get hit with my job duties being changed at work.  I am going from a manager to a coordinator.  Same pay, but no more management duties.  Another co-worker will take over my position at the lower level and I will take over hers.  One of the owners where we work will take over the management duties.  You're an owner, you already have leadership duties right?  Right...  The young lady I supervise was told today.  Our boss said she is her supervisor now. She was just as confused as to why they made this type of change. When I talked to my boss about this I told her that I feel like this is a demotion.  She said it wasn't.  She felt my strengths were better at my co-workers job and she would do well with mine(with her help).  However, my coworker cannot handle her current position.  She also doesn't know how to talk to people.  Her position requires that she talks to people.  I will now have to make sure I keep the people that she talks to.  I was also told to help keep others positive about this change.  This whole thing has me so sick.  I almost broke down at work today thinking about this change and how it's also the day my brother left this earth.  Tomorrow I am seeing both of my therapist.  It will be interesting to see what they say about this.  Especially, the one who said I was projecting too much on what my coworkers would do. 

    Before this change, I was having a good year.  I finally traveled internationally.  In April I went to Egypt.  It was the best time of my life.  I will go again hopefully next year.  I have been going out, trying to be social.  Trying to get my life together.  Then this happened.  Now is the question of what do I do next.  I emailed all the owners of the company about how I felt.  Just waiting to see if one of them will write back.  If not, I will try to stay on as long as I can, but I see myself resigning.  I can't sit here and pretend to like someone who didn't respect the people who worked for me.  I can't be positive for owners who want me to go along with this and convince others to be the same as well.  Sometime I think they want this to happen.  They tell me I am valuable, but their actions tell me I am not. 

    I know this issue will pass, but it was nice not having such issues. I hope they will answer my email and if I need to leave, I hope I can find another job quickly.  Our general manager was fired last year and she is still unemployed.  I don't want to go down that unemployment road again so soon. 

     

  17. I'm having a rough, emotional morning. A close friend of the family recently had a cardiac event that hospitalized him, and after having an MRI, it was determined that there was evidence of two old strokes.  I haven't spoken to him directly, he hasn't any paralysis, and have learned that he seems very confused, can't drive, and his brother couldn't understand him while talking with him on the phone.  Apparently he's seeing his PMD this Friday.

     

    I realize that he and his wife are taking care of it in their own way, and that's the way it is, but I'm really scared for him.  I think it stems from my own experience; at the same time my level of emotional response seems (to me) inappropriate.  Brain short-circuit? 

  18. nancyl

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    nancyl
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    ECT --- works . ( electro convulsive therapy )   Yes the "barbaric" "one flew over the cuckoos nest" - Zap the brain.. Works.  Old timers know about my battle with depression after caregiving proved to much for me. But taking care of Dan is proving challenging for the nursing home as well. He is frusterating. For even the most seasoned medical Pros. I get a bit of satisfaction knowing that. I did 4 years, the nursing home just completed their second. It is so nice to not wake instantly ( if i would get sleep) with a panic attack- that just lasted 24/7. So fellow caregivers with unresolved depression there is hope. Of course as with all things medical - it is not a one size fits all. It may or may not work for you. And during the treatment - you are existing. thats it. But I knew from the very first treatment that this was by far the most positive reaction - I had felt since the long list of methods, medication, supplements, homeopathic cures, hospitalization. 

    People I met during my depression are just now meeting "me". LOL Anyone can message me if my experience is in the least bit helpful. 

  19. lwisman
    Latest Entry

    It is been a while since I have blogged.

    Since I last blogged my sister went on a 10 day retreat to Colorado. Jade the cat and I enjoyed ourselves. The bad news was that just before Marge left I baked a ham, put a lot of slices in the freezer, and made ham and beans. The ham and beans were really good, but Marge left town. After getting really tired of ham and beans I froze a large cottage cheese container (three pound container.) She is enjoying them now!

    Keys. About a month ago the keys for the shed in the backyard went missing. We looked everywhere. Had just about decided to find someone to cut the lock. The other key, which had been missing, is the second key to my car. Again, every pants and jacket pocket was checked. Then one day I was cleaning out my pouch and found the car key. It had migrated to the very bottom. I have been in the pouch countless times, but never all the way to the bottom. Hmm…an idea worth checking out for the shed key. A friend is currently in the process of making us a replacement for the kitchen table cover – the current one is waterproof and is elasticized – they no longer sell them big enough. Anyway, when Pat came to get the old one (with hole) for a pattern there was stuff on the table. Sure enough the keys had fallen into an empty flower pot under the table. Just dig deep….

     

    While Marge was gone I decided to put my 2017 village sticker on my car – deadline was April 30. I counted the stickers already there –six— and decided there really was not room for anymore. So I backed the car out of the garage so I had better light and went out with goo gone, razor blade, paper towels and vinegar water (to get rid of the goo gone). After a lot of elbow grease I removed three old stickers. Decided the other three could come off next year. After cleaning up with the vinegar water I put the 2017 sticker on. While I was out Sara, who lives directly across the street from us, came over to check on me. If you ever want to know what is happening in our neighborhood,, just ask Sara!

    Speaking of neighbors the four kids who just moved in next door were all out in the backyard playing late one afternoon this week. Jade the cat lay on her perch in the window and watched them for the longest time.

    Thursday I was up at 6 am to finish getting stuff together before cleaning lady, who was scheduled to come at 8. No it was not all cleaning, LOL. Anyway the person who runs the cleaning service called at 7:15 to say the cleaning lady would not be at our house until 11:30. Then at 10:15 the hair dresser called because we had 10 and 10:30 appts to have our hair cut. She said if we could get there by 10:30 she could still do both of them. We were there at 10:29. So it was a crazy day. But, the house is clean!

    Friday morning I woke up and immediately noticed pain in my left little finger. It was swollen, but obviously the problem was under the nail. No way to get to it. I washed it well and put on antibiotic cream. It was not helping. Figured the antibiotic cream was tainted. Saturday morning the finger no longer throbbed, but there was still pain when it was bumped. So at 8:05 I was backing out of the driveway to drive to Walgreens (about a mile from us.) Bought new cream. Within 30 minutes after putting it on I could tell the difference. Now there is only slight pain when it is bumped. Still some swelling and redness. But, looks like it is on the way to healing.

    My third bread machine (in twenty years) has died. Of course it died while I was making bread. This first happened a few weeks ago. I gave the machine a good cleaning and it started working again. Then it happened again this morning. Anyway I have not actually used a bread machine for baking the bread for years. I only use the dough setting and then bake in the oven. I think it both tastes and looks better. I took the ingredients from the bread machine pan and used the dough hook on my stand mixer. The bread is ok, but not near as nice as with the machine doing the kneading and heat control. Then I got on the internet and learned a lot about using a dough hook. So I think I will experiment a bit. I have thought for years a bread machine was more than I needed, but have not seen a good alternative. We shall see.

     

    Sun is shining today. Temps are only in the 50s. But after days of rain this is a nice change.

  20. nancyl

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    nancyl
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    I haven't been able to be alone for a very long time. This weekend I have been. No one here. It is nice, not only the freedom of it, but the fact I can do it. For so long being at home alone was something I just made sure never happened. Not on a conscience level, but sub consciencely. I have a little anxiety this morning, but thats only because i have "thought " about it.

    Dan is doing as well as Dan can do. Good days, Bad days the same cycle repeats itself. Trying hard to just hang on and enjoy the good and walk away from the bad. But on average I leave the nursing home - which i visit usually x2 daily- crying about 2 days a week. last week was his birthday, baked him a homemade red velvet cake. That cake is a lot of work. The kids took it to him along with his birthday gift. A fluffy "cheatah blanket". I was home sicker than a dog with this darn flu/cold. He was mad it wasn't me, so he kicked the kids out, along with the cake and his present. Mind you earlier he had ny sister come to his room and ask to take him to one of my daughters home for his birthday. He refused - i think he thought I would come, I couldn't ,i just ached to much. 

    I came the next day and he does the dismissive thing flipping his hand in the - go away fashion- the," get out of my sight." I have had that happen to me so much, one would think I would become immune  from that distain he displays. But Im not. I still care enough to cry. 

    I have found I can concentrate much better. At work I am finally a asset instead of a hinderance. It was awful, in the height of my depression- i had no ability to remember, my eyes couldn't see and focus. and my hearing was muffled . My stomach had that awful fight or flight feeling. Those were my primary problems, with a whole host of more minor complaints. You know on Facebook some little saying will come up with a clever way of saying, all that has happened to me has made me stronger. I say thats a lot of B**lSh*t. If it ( depression) didn't kill you, your just damn lucky. Luckier still if you can find a treatment that works. Well thats my brilliance , haha for today.... 

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    SassyBetsy
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    I have lost so much hair and I started rogain again today. Solution this time instead of foam.

    has anyone used it???

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