Today is the sixth month since Mum died, yesterday was the eighth month since Ray died, anniversaries of sadness, painful times still to come. No, I am not stuck in the one place it is more like a rollercoaster than ever, Sometimes I am at the top and can see the view ahead, sometimes I am at the bottom and all I can see is the hill ahead I have to climb....
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Guest Message by DevFuse
29
Sue's Sentiments
I have been trying to give time to my family when they ask for it but while still maintaining some independence. It is always a balancing act, isn't it? There is so much busyness in all our lives. When I was a full-time caregiver I gave very little time and thought to the family, now my time is my own I can spare them the time but don't want to get...
I need to shape up. I have slumped down for too long feeling sorry for myself. I need to get out more, not to the usual haunts but maybe to different places, places I would once have gone for rest and relaxation before being confined to the house with Ray's illness. A friend told me that in a stern voice yesterday, my fault as I had asked for her...
I went to visit my daughter and family for a few days. It was a good visit as the sun was shining for a change. I had a hard trip down as I had to stand on the train for the first 90 minutes and got a bad cramp in my left calf, ouchy! But the rest of the trip was good. I almost didn't go as looking after the other grandkids had me feeling very...
I've just had the grandchildren who I usually mind for three days, two nights. It was lovely during the day but when the little ones get tired it is tough getting them into bed. It didn't help that the bricklayers are still on the job next door and the site manager was on my driveway at 6.20am yesterday morning making phone calls. No consideration...
I've had a few blue days. I hate the wind howling around the house and the rain smashing against the windows when I am alone. Just a couple of days of that and I can feel blue. I can tell now that winter with it's short grey days is coming and do not look forward to that with joy. But I have warm clothes and a roof over my head, enough food in...
I feel a bit of a fraud blogging at all as nothing much new is happening in my life right now. The weather is fine, warm, cooler at night. I have been able to get out in the garden and trimmed back some of the shrubs. It is good to do that while we still have warm days and a possibility of rain. I do enjoy being out in the garden on a sunny afternoon.
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What will I be when I grow up? I would ask that question of myself when I was 15. Now I ask myself: What will I be when the fog lifts and I am able to see clearly again? At 65 I hope to still have a few good years ahead of me. My Mum was 82 when my Dad died in January 2000 and never got close to being over his death. She was in complete denial for all...
It has been a much better Easter than I thought it would be. In your first year of widowhood you go through so many "firsts". First time you have had a birthday since he died, first Christmas alone,then all the kids and grandkids birthdays when you send a card signed just "Mum" or "Granma". Then the first wedding anniversary,...
I hate having those dreams where you wake up and the dream still continues. I had a nap yesterday afternoon, something woke me and I struggled out of sleep, looked at the clock and it said 5.15pm. I immediately thought: “I'd better get up and start preparing dinner, Ray will be home soon.” Home from where? Work?How stupid! Ray last drove in...
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