Caregiver Being Abused


TLSlark

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Tammy,

I am so glad you are finding some help. I don't know why..but somtimes it seems we have to be on our last leg before something comes up to help us thru the tough spots in life. You experience..and that of Kevin...altho it is horrible, please know that you are teaching us..the rest of us...who someday may be in your shoes, I never thought to suggest to call the police....it is good ot know theya re willing to help you. I am hoping you can get in a different sitution and soon...for your sake and that of Kevin.

Let us know how you are doing.

vickie

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Everything is the same here. I emailed Legal Aid, yet again, but have heard nothing from them. I may have to close the bedroom door and call them, since Kevin is down for his afternoon nap. He was turning into a real grump, so I told him it was time to lay down
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Tammy: If you decide to send him back to the U.K. and you remain in the U.S., you should probably file for a legal separation or divorce so that you both will be eligible for benefits without having to include information about the other. You do not need an attorney to do that. Rene

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A divorce is in the future for me. It would be my 3rd failed marriage. I will spend the rest of my life single. I've found out that I do better when I'm able to focus on my own needs, instead of someone else's all the time. I've lost myself, and now I have to find myself again.

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Tammy,

This is a decision you must make...and I wish you well. I understand that you can only beat your head against the wall so many times before it really begins to hurt!

It is true...when someone has a stroke...the whole family has the stroke right along with them....and you are living proof.

 

I wish you peace.

Vickie

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  • 2 weeks later...

Tammy: I don't know what "Legal Aid" service you are contacting but by law, every state has a legal organization funded by the feds to provide legal advocacy and aid to the disabled in that state. In Illinois contact: http://www.equipforequality.org

 

And do not consider this a "failed marriage" - you have not failed, the person you married is gone, you are now stuck with a stranger.

 

 

2nd Chance in Phoenix

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Tammy,

 

Have you tried finding abuse message boards? I am wondering if they might be able to provide more answers to your questions. This message board is for stroke support. I understand that you husband has had a stroke and why you would come here. However, I'm thinking that others who deal with abuse might have insights for you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Tammy: I really encourage you to contact the P&A (protection and advocacy) in your state. Unless you have actually signed a representation agreement with Land of Lincoln Legal Aid, you are not represented by them, and can speak to other attorneys about your situation. As I said, the P&As are federally funded and provide FREE legal services to the disabled. As you are disabled - you qualify.

 

I think you said you are in Illinios - their P&A site is at http://www.equipforequality.org/headerg.html

 

As an attorney, I volunteered at the Arizona P& A and I know they can advise you.

 

Rene

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Thanks for the link. I've already contacted them, and this is what they told me.

 

Ms. Slark,

 

We received your request for assistance with placing your husband in a nursing home. Equip for Equality provides legal services and self-advocacy assistance to people with disabilities in the areas of discrimination, assistive technology, special education, guardianship defense, abuse, neglect, and community integration. However, we do not generally provide the type of assistance you are seeking. Please find below referrals that may be better able to assist you.

 

(1) The Illinois Department of Human Services' Office of Rehabilitation Services assists individuals with disabilities and their families to achieve full community participation through employment, education, and independent living opportunities. ORS can be reached at (800) 275-3677 and (312) 814-2934.

 

(2) El Valor at (312) 666-4511 provides a number of services to adults with disabilities including training, job placement, and community residential services.

 

You also indicated that your husband was not eligible for SSI benefits because he is a Legal Permanent Resident. If your husband has been a Legal Permanent Resident for at least five years, he can apply for such benefits. Your local Social Security Administration office should be able to provide more information about the application process.

 

I hope you find this information helpful.

 

Sincerely,

 

Sarah Price, Advocate

Equip for Equality

 

My reply:

 

You were my last hope. Since you say you can't help, I have nowhere else to turn. Kevin would have to have been in the US prior to 1996, and have 10 years of work credits in order to qualify for SSI/SSDI. He's only been here since 1999, and has never worked in this country. He refused to work for less than $20/hr, or outside the computer industry.

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I can't imagine what you are going thru! I understand abuse, because my first huband beat me and my kids for years! I never had the selfestem to get out! God bless you and don't think you failed! Liz

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Tammy: I actually dreamed about you last night. I think the stress of your situation is getting to me. Sorry the IL P&A has such useless referrals. What Countyu do you live in? I will contyact some attorney friends in IL.

 

Rene

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  • 3 months later...

Good luck to you and don't give up, never give. I can't really say much to you as its already been said. Just think of yourself, do whats best for you. I was a career now im a stroke suviovor, sometimes i think if only i had thought of myself.

The very best of luck to you.

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no problem Tammy sorry im just not to good with words i know what i would like to say, but can't find the words, but i will keep checking here to find out how you get on.

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