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About this blog

My Thoughts & Feelings

Entries in this blog

Hello...It's been awhile.....

It's been a long time since I have visited this site...maybe because I thought I didn't need it since its almost 4 years since Chris is gone....maybe because I didn't have the time....maybe....maybe....maybe......I really don't know...but everyday I open my email I see messages that are sent to me in regards to "chats" so today I decided maybe its time to check in again....Chris is gone now almost 4 years and I still miss him. It's only been a very short time that I have taken the pictures down

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Chris Has Left This Life and Found Peace

To Everyone at Strokenet:   Chris had passed away on Friday 11/23/07.   It has been a very difficult time since August. Chris had been in the hospital several times from August thru September. On 9/10/07, Chris was admitted into a respite for additional care since his last hospitalization. He only continued to get weaker.   On 11/21/07 he slipped into unconsciousness with a temperature of 105. On 11/22/07 his temperature had gone to 106.1 and at 1:40am on 11/23/07 Chris went to be

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Things Are Going Well

Chris came home from the hospital last Friday evening. The doctor arranged for him to be brought home by ambulance. We both felt that this would be better for him than trying to get him in his wheelchair. He is still weak.   He seems to be doing much better. He's on medication for bladder spasms and still is taking some pain medication - but I would hurt if someone punched a hole in my bladder. This has really made things much easier for me and I know that his incontience was really bothe

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

It's Been a Rough Week - But We Made It!

It's been a rough week. Thursday 8/9/07 - Chris woke with a 103 fever. Total change in mental status and sweating terribly. I called the family doctor who advised me to call his urologist. Within 15 minutes rec'd a call back and was told to get Chris to the ER.   Here he had a severe bladder/kidney infection and was also septic and had started to dehydrate. All this came on overnight. The day before he was fine. It amazes me how fast something can happen.   As of today he is still i

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Finally Some Answers............

Chris has been having a terrible time with urinary problems. Finally I made up my mind and took him to a urologist. Not only has he been going crazy with all of this - but I thought I was gonna lose my mind!!!!!!! :ranting: I felt like all I did was hold the urinal!!!!!!!!!! I swear every 20 minutes to 1/2 hour he was yelling for it.   Well turns out he has a neurogenic bladder. Now I feel bad for getting so angry about his situation. I thought that he could control his bladder - someti

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Three Years and A Day

Well its 3 years and a day.   I can still remember but it's foggy that awful night. The one thing that really sticks in my mind - that I really need to work on is the 9 months Chris spent in the nursing home (I call it the hell hole)   Chris didn't say anything in regards to how long it has been - he was only excited that I was making him a special "birthday dinner" and that my mom was joining us and having the kids around him. So I didn't say anything in regards to time but was just

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Has It Been Almost 3 Years??????

I was thinking today - I can't believe that it will be 3 years on the 26th since Chris' first stroke.   Looking back over this time - I can't really remember how hard I fought to get him out of the nursing home. I guess I have purposely tried to forget it. It isn't an experience I want to remember.   I have been trying to remember all the expierences we have been through since he came home - maybe tonight I'm just tired because I'm drawing a blank.   It would be so easy to remem

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Carnival Fun

Friday night I deceided to take Chris to the local carnival - my main goal was to have him see the fireworks. He loves them. We got hamburgers and french fries, (of which I know are not the best for his diabetes) and then an ice-cream cone :nuhuh: His doctor would probably have my head but I felt he needed to have fun and eat fun food for once. We sat and listened to the band that was playing and then around 10pm the fireworks started. I think he only saw a couple because when I looked ove

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Thank-You!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to everyone that responded to my recent blog.   Today was just as frustrating until this evening when I saw Chris cry when he lost control of his bladder again. After the events of today I am starting to believe that maybe he really has lost control. What is most frustrating to me (and I see how frustrated he is) is that I have bought so many different incontience products to try to keep him dry that I've gone broke and nothing works. He is constantly drenched which of course is mor

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Nurse Maid - Not His Wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looking back through my own blog - I can't believe that it has been since January since I have been on the site. THIS HAS BEEN THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I COULD HAVE MADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   My stress level has blown the top off the meter. Chris has really become a handful. I feel like I am taking care of a 52 year old baby.   I absoultely have no time for myself - I am stressed to the max.   The past 7 days have been the worst. Last Thursday when Chris had his routine doctors appt. - he ha

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Just Keep On Keeping On!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really hope that things soon start to get back to normal. But what is normal????????   Right now I know that I am stretching myself beyond the limit. I'm trying to be available to everyone but have forgotten how to take care of myself. Each day brings nothing but frustration and anxiety.   Chris seems to be going down hill. We have a doctor's appt. at the end of the month. I really need to have a long talk with his doctor. Right now he can't seem to use his utensils when eating

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

It Has Been A Whirlwind!!!!!!!

I have been looking over my blog and noticed that I haven't written my thoughts since August. I have been so consumed with what has been happening in my life.   I lost my father on 12/28/06 from cancer. My brother came in from KY to spend Christmas with the family. He spent everyday and evening with my parents. I don't think my brother realized how sick our father was. We had Christmas at my parents this year. My father was too weak to come to our house. He ate well that day - but fr

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

JUST NEED TO VENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can actually say that right now everything is going well with Chris. Many different issues are being solved except for one - I am still looking for a used wheelchair van for him. It's difficult when you want to find something that is in good shape but do have a financial limit. I know that something will come through - everything so far has always worked itself out.   Right now I'm very concerned about my father. Back in March (the day after my son's birthday) my father has surgery to r

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

MOVEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For about 2 months, Chris has been able to pick up his affected foot about 3 inches off the floor. It is very difficult for him and he starts to slide off his chair because he puts so much effort into doing this.   Just this week he has been able to move the first finger of his affected hand. At first I thought it was a muscle or nerve twitch - but I'm not convinced that its involuntary. Any little bit of movement that he sees make him very excited and gives him more determination to keep

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Another Anniversary!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, the 26th, was 2 years since Chris had his first stroke.   Not much has changed. Chris is still completely paralyzed on his left side. He still continues to have alot of pain which we are being told is neuropathy. He is on the highest dose of daily Neurotim, I change his pain patch every 3 days and he uses Percocet for breakthrough pain.   Several months ago I did purchase an electric wheelchair for him, although he is afraid to drive it on his own. Most of the time I stand

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Another Let Down!!!

Sometmes I wonder why I keep fighting?   I took Chris to Moss Outpatient Rehab to their seating clinic. He was having some mild problems due to his field cut with his vision. Nothing that I don't think could have been corrected with continued practice and patience. The PT also told me that he has "left sided neglect." Because of these 2 problems she has refused to recommend him for a power chair.   I tried to explain to her that he is never left alone per Dr.'s orders and that if he

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Pad the Furniture - Chris May Be On the Loose!!!!!

On Thursday, Chris and I went to Moss Rehab for an evaluation for him to get an electric wheelchair. Of course they said he qualifies under his insurance because of the many diagnosis he has. Especially because of his diabetes and always the chance of skin breakdown. He had a really good time. They actually put him in the chair and had him out in the parking lot driving. He seemed very happy to have "freedom." Not having to depend on me to get around. The darn thing actually has a horn on

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

Cranky......Cranky...............

Today was HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what was wrong with me. I have never felt this way since Chris came home. He was such a handful today.   It all started at breakfast. Lately he seems to be doing less and less himself. He picked up his napkin to wipe his mouth. The napkin stuck to his mouth and instead of pulling it off - he calls me into his room and asks me to pull it off his mouth!!!!! I asked him why he didn't try to take the napkin off his mouth and he didn't answer me.

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

It's Been A Long Time.................

It's been a really long time since I have been on the site. My computer has been down and it really didn't seem like the most important thing to worry about. Boy was I wrong.....with everything that has been happening over the past several months the worst thing I could have lost was my support from this site.   Chris is doing O.K. He was in the hospital in January for pneumonia. He then went through 6 weeks of homecare PT and OT. This illness really pushed him backwards. Now he has ins

Kj mcmeekin

Kj mcmeekin

X-mas Crazies!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last year Chris was in the nursing home for X-mas - it was actually a horrible day. I did bring him home for the day - but sending him back to the home that evening was the worst thing I think I have ever experienced.   Our tree has been up now since Thanksgiving - and it seems like every week another decoration is found in the attic and placed around the house. This year has been crazy. In past years I would take a day and completely decorate the house - this year it has been done in bi

Guest

Guest

Hard Decision to Make

I really have some big decisions to make and am having a really hard time making them.   The past 1 1/2 weeks have been like living in hell. Chris' insurance pays for an aide to take care of him while I'm working. This woman has been with us since August and everyday is only getting worse. It is like having Hitler with us 40 hours a week. The past week Chris has been very anxious and moody. Finally I got him to tell me what is really going on and he said that he has had all he can handle

Guest

Guest

Peaceful Weekend!!!

We had very peaceful weekend. I actually hate to see Monday come. I notice a big change in Chris when the aide is here.   It seems like the Baclifin has finally started to help him. The neurologist now has him taking 60mg daily. The chronic stiffness in his leg, arm and hand are getting much better. Although he still says he has pain, I wonder if that pain is not actually soreness from being stiff for so long.   Thursday he had minor surgery on his foot. That seems to be healing w

Guest

Guest

Good Days - Bad Days!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, Chris spent Thursday in the ER again. He was supposed to go to his family doctor for his 6 month check-up and she sent him to the hospital instead. She wanted him completely checked out. She wanted more tests run in regards to the swelling in his feet and ankles and more tests done in regards to his coughing, shortness of breath and wheezing.   We still have got no answers about the swelling, but I have noticed that Friday and Saturday I kept his feet elavated and the swelling was

Guest

Guest

Something is Wrong!!!!

For the past 3 weeks, Chris has been having trouble breathing. He claims he cannot get the air in. Sometimes he will go into a coughing spell that will choke him. I have been in constant contact with his doctor - and finally last Friday I called the ambulance. All tests came back negative and still no solution. His doctor has increased his Ativan - she feels that this could all be anxiety. Tomorrow he has an appointment at this family doctor for a 6 month check-up.   He still continue

Guest

Guest

Thanks..............

Thanks to all. Especially to one of our members who took the time to call. I am feeling better tonight.......and dealing with Chris was easier also.   I guess I really need to sit down and try to imagine what it would feel like to be in his position. To be such a vibrant, full of life person and now confined to a wheelchair and battling everyday to rebuild his strength and to try to be able to help himself somewhat. I am really hoping that we receive the long awaited phone call this week

Guest

Guest