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Random Thoughts and Observations

Entries in this blog

Sufficiently Christmas Cluttered

The tree is up, fireplace mantel decorated, the Snow Babies are out, the Nativity Scene is reverently displayed, the swag is on the front door, the Christmas linens are donning the table - and oh, the candles are all present in hues of red, green, white. Lest I forget (how could I??) my Longaberger Christmas baskets are adding yet a little more "ambiance". Yes, we are sufficiently Christmas cluttered!   Last week the mere thought of the Christmas holiday seemed too daunting to even ponder. I

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Caregiver "Patient"

A week ago today Bill came down with a cold. It has been a blinger. A real old-fashioned head cold. No temp, blood sugars stable - just a head full of gunk. He loves to "share" my pillow - which most of the time I find endearing. However, when the cold arrived and the germs started their march toward me during one of his "cuddling" episodes I just about lost it. I knew, however, that the dirty deed had been done just by being in the bed next to him. Of course, he was quick to remind me of the sa

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Countdown

I think - no, I'm pretty sure - I've lost my mind. It must be habit. All those years of hosting Thanksgiving dinners for 20 or so in my previous life. Maybe it's the memories of Thanksgiving dinners at Grandpa and Grandma's home. Whatever the reason, I've just finished two pies, the sweet potatoes for the casserole today for Thursday. Last week I made the cranberry relish. Yesterday I picked up two kinds of rolls and a loaf of bread at Great Harvest bread store. Tomorrow I'll finish cleaning the

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Rain, Rain - Go Away

I remember when rain was a minor inconvenience. Now it's become a major pain in the.....Yesterday was just one of those days.   Bill had a dental appointment at the VA in Durham, about 60 miles east of here. The appointment was at 11 a.m., so I felt we should leave about 9 - just in case, and since it was raining. I'd decided a route I felt would be a little easier to get on the interstate. The idea was a good one - the accident on the interstate that slowed traffic to a crawl for about 20 mi

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Full Moon

Now, before I go any further, I wonder how many views this post will get with a title like that!!!   I've been tracking the moon over the past week and a half or so - watching it get larger and larger. I don't usually pay any attention to it, and I guess it's because Halloween was approaching that I took an interest. I wish I hadn't. Aunt Pauline used to talk about the patients' moods at full-moon time, since she was a psych nurse for years. She said the "craziest" nights were the nights with

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A Red Letter Day

What a week-end. We celebrated Bill's 57th birthday here Friday evening with about 15 friends. I'd gotten a 3' sub, made baked beans, Watergate salad, put out some chips and dip and even bought his cake. I wanted the fellowship, but not the work - getting the house ready was enough!! It was really alot of fun and Bill did enjoy it. He still hasn't quite grasped that he is 57 and asked again yesterday how old he was on his birthday. Everybody is different, but Bill's family seems to treat this as

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Busy-ness is no excuse...

My, how busy it has been since Bill's return from the SNF...Many, many changes in his condition seem to make my life so busy that I am once again losing "me"...   As I think I may have blogged, Bill was started on an additional Alzheimer's medication called Namenda when he was most recently hospitalized. The great part is that he is much more alert, coversant and "with it". He is showing a sense of humor once again, is able to carry on a conversation and rather than sleeping about 16 hours a

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OOPS

Someday I will learn. It seems, according to the speech therapist, that Bill is scheduled to stay until next Wednesday - wait, that may be tomorrow according to the nurse - wait, that may be Monday according to the Social Worker.   I'm glad I planned on today so I got EVERYTHING done in the house, groceries bought, the cat's litter changed and the clothes washed.   I'm angry that I told Bill he would be coming home today because he had been looking forward to it. I had to explain that eve

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It's a New Day

Unless I hear from the SNF something different, I believe Bill will be coming home today.   I spoke with the Nurse Casemanager from the insurance company and expressed my frustration with the SNF regarding their accusations that our insurance was "impossible to deal with". She could sense I was just about to crack under the pressure so she called the Board of Pensions and hooked me up with a really nice lady. They have agreed to pay the SNF as though they are an in-network facility. She also

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Who's terms??

This is truly the most challenging stage in my life. Forget the melt-down, forget the bottom, forget the strokes.....this is it.   Yesterday on my way in to see Bill I was called in the Social Worker's office. The announcement was made that accounting was all over her case, and my insurance was impossible to deal with.   It seems that although the hospital has a contract with Blue Cross/Blue Shield, the skilled nursing facility (that uses the hospital's name and is part of the "healthcar

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Communication

Bill's PCP is a gerintologist - primarily because of his complicated medical history I feel very comfortable with him caring for my husband. The glitch is that when Bill goes to the hospital his doctor follows him through a system of "hospitalists" - a specialty where the physician works only in a hospital, following patients and communicating with their PCP. Bill's doctor doesn't make rounds in the hospital since he rounds in nursing facilities.   I'd been very adament about one particular

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Time Fleeting Away

I can't believe I've not added to this part of our journey since early in the week. I guess I've been too tired - or too caught up in the events of the present to write the experience so I can reflect on it later.   Early in the week Trey and I had a spat. Seems his grandma had called his mother and told her there is nothing more that can be done for Bill and he needs to come to see his father - now. Of course Trey was upset. He accused me of "trying to keep" him away from his dad. He added t

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A New Day

Yesterday seemed to be a new beginning for Bill - and it seems that way for me right now, too. A friend called him while I was out and he told her he would not be coming home, rather will be going into rehab. I was surprised when she told me he had told her that because I wasn't sure how much he had understood or remembered about the plan. Also, I think he has been playing on my emotions abit in that if he has continually commented about "when they will let me out" and hasn't mentioned the rehab

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Decisions, Decisions

It's been a couple of days since I last blogged. I'm getting a little more comfortable with it now - journalling has always been difficult for me.   Friday the doctor hit me with the big one. What to do from here? Bill is still incredibly weak - not safe at home right now since I can't stay up all night and if he gets up without me the likelihood of a fall is so great. What shall we do? Two options - first she will look into whether he qualifies for the sub-acute unit. He will be discharged

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Unexpected Twists and Turns

I don't know about hospitals. I really, really don't. All the tests have proven to be negative - that's the good part. No pneumonia, no emboli in the lungs, no blood in the stools, no celiac disease, the H-pilori found will be treated with antibiotic. The psychiatrist was in today and Bill responded real well to him. He even asked if there is anything others don't want to tell him that he should know about.   Bill has been dealing with his psychological state today - it's as though he's hear

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The Merry-Go-Round

"Be strong Ann." "You are such a strong woman, Ann." "Bill is so lucky to have such a loving angel wife."   I've heard it all before and I know I'll hear it again. I just noticed my last blog entry was last week after our Tuesday ER adventure. Since then we've been to the doctor, back to ER and now I'm making doing the hospital thing again.   It's amazing to me - in the 3 weeks prior to his hospitalization we've been to Urgent Care twice, the doctor twice and Saturday night made the 2nd tri

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An Evening in the ER

I responded to my last blog about our evening in the ER last evening (and most of the night). It was an interesting experience. Since our wait was so long we were able to observe a few interesting cases.   First, there was the "hush" of the DOA woman. The family was expected to arrive, but the timing needed to be arranged for telling them. The next thing I heard - since we were in the triage area of ER we were close to the front desk - was a gentleman asking to be shown back to his mother's r

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Unsettling Times

We were sitting at the Summit Club, waiting for Bill's meeting. He was drinking coffee, as usual. The question - "Where have we lived since we've been together?" Answered. I thought it was a rather strange question since he's not been aware of his surroundings much since his strokes. "How long have we been coming here to meetings?" Answered. "Where did we go before we started coming here?" Answered. "Why did we start coming here?" Answered.   We went into his meeting. The topic was a good one

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Life's Little Surprises

The phone call came Thursday evening and my cell phone was on silent. When I checked the phone before going to bed I discovered three missed messages. That's really unusual since we'd just seen many of our friends earlier in the evening - these calls were from Arizona son, Marc. Mom, call me when you get this message - hope nothing is wrong....Of course, Mom called right away!   Marc is a construction manager for a large company headquartered in Phoenix. His company is one of the sub-contract

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Labels

The other day I did some on-line research. I have seen Bill's various limitations post strokes but never took the time to find the labels for them. As I've read other blogs and posts I've thought so often, 'yes, yes, yes Bill has that'. Sometimes I've felt like a hypochodriac, thinking Bill has it all..Well, here is the list in the "medical terms"   aphasia - difficulties with speaking, reading and writing apraxia - impaired ability to perform complex tasks agraphia - loss of ABILITY to w

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There is no debate for me.

I've not tried to hide my faith. It is part of who I am. My faith isn't up for debate. I don't understand those who arbitrarily discount my God any more than they understand how it can be I put my faith in One I haven't seen and touched, whose ways seem so foreign and simplistic. I know there are those who have the opinion I don't have a brain since I'm not interested in debating this faith.   Not so, I've a brain. I've rebelled against this God of mine - thinking I knew much more than He how

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Ahhhh...the tastes of Summer!

The cold, damp months of winter cause amnesia I just know it. I'd forgotten the taste of vine ripened tomatoes. No, not the "vine ripened" tomatoes I find in the grocery store all year long. I mean the ones that are picked and eaten within hours. I remember when I was growing up we'd pick a tomato off the vine and down it would go. The Farmers Market is great. I can get home grown tomatoes there. But, I think the best flavor comes from the tomatoes friends and family share. I think it's the love

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How to Measure

I wish I knew how to measure Bill's condition. I don't want to imagine he is better than he is - or worse than he is cognitively. I know my expectations for him have diminished. The "good" days are harder to experience it seems....but is this my imagination or reality?   Yesterday was hard. I had so much to do. I washed clothes, I'd promised to make a cake for a friend's birthday, I HAD to iron -and for another day the house work seemed to slip to the side. One woman can do just so much, I sa

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EXPECTATIONS

Expectations are funny things. The expectation never plays out according to my fantasy. I've experienced both extremes since Friday.   1. The expectation of horrible pain after pilar cysts were removed - pain wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected but it was a blessing that I was able to stay overnight at the surgery center. I didn't have to think of a thing during that time. I was fine getting up to the bathroom, however since I had the compression leggings on and an IV the aid had to help m

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New Days and New Emotions (an old blog, 6/05)

I am struggling. I don't know why it's hitting me right now, but it is frightening. I suppose it is the realization that Bill has so many deficits, the fact that it's been 3 months since his last stroke, and with every day I fear the next one is closer, the new pains he is experiencing, the fact that he has become a little testy this week, life itself..........   I'm frustrated because since October 2004 I've gained 25# and I'm not having much success getting it off..the motivation is there,

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