I don't know if you have heard of the poem Footprints in the Sand. You can read it here..
http://freespace.virgin.net/derek.berger/footprints.html (I found this with a Google search. Don't hold me responsible for other content on the site or found in links )
This is really how I feel. I feel like God supports me and I can't get myself to get back to him. A bit of history of myself. I was raised Catholic. I love my Catholic faith and the Church. Several years ago I was in format
Well I'm completely sick of the things my therapists give me to "improve" my cognitive ability. I've done all the word searches and the like that I can stomach. I decided to come up with a fun way to exercise my brain.
Yesterday was opening day for Major League Baseball. I signed up to run a fantasy baseball team at ESPN.com. My first thought was that with all the stats and games in baseball it would really give me a mental workout. I was right about that. In fact I think I may have b
Yesterday was a typical day. Once I get up, I wake up pretty early, I always feel like it will be a good day. Somehow though that always changes. By the time 9 AM or so comes around I'm beginning to get nauseous, and a headache and fatigue is beginning to set in. That is how I spend the rest of the day.
Before my strokes I was a pretty active guy. My wife and I spent a lot of time hiking and climbing in the Rockies. We also spent a lot of time on our bikes, we were roadies. Even afte
It has been a while since I blogged (is that one or two 'g's?) Anyway as my subject suggests I was having major side affects from new meds. Well it wasn't just the new meds. I was having problems to begin with from the old ones. Then I had to come off those and start others. I seem to have problems both coming off meds and going on them.
One of the meds I started was Efexor. Yes Tom Cruz I need a little chemical help with my mood. I am supposed to work with a neuro-psychologist (NP
Last night was a good night away from reality. Our nephew spent the night here. What a nice kid! He is going into the 3rd grade and is "off track". My kids were never on or off track so that is kind of wierd for me. Anyway kids have a way of treating you normal no mater how "abnormal" you really are. Now don't get all bent out of shape. I'm not saying a stroker is abnormal. It is just that he hasn't been around me enough to see my "new normal".
Anyway we had salmon for dinner, I was
Today is a snow day here at the foot of the Rockies. I love these late snow storms. The snow is usually wet and heavy so we need to make sure and knock it off the trees but it doesn
I am just at the start of all this I think. I'm anxious to be the way I was but I struggle with the fact that I may never be what I was. I try to learn to be happy with the new me and find out what my new normal is. When I think of going back to work I have a lot of fear of failure. I used to be pretty good at what I did. I was a senior consultant in our company. A lot of people used to come to me with their engineering problems and now I fear having to go to people to get help with stuff
:Yawn:
What to do with myself is the biggest question I have to answer each day. I want to do something productive and meaningful but seldom do. My cognitive deficits are such that I cannot do the engineering tasks I used to. I used to enjoy chess but that has become far to complex for me. I do enjoy some reading but I can
I live at the foot of the Rocky Mountains. I love everything about them. Even in the summer before I am out of bed even an hour I can see a snow capped peak. Those mountains are my anti-depressant. During my life no matter how bad things have been when I go to those mountains I have been able to leave my worries at home. As I head off to my beloved mountains I can feel my worries drain out and the anticipation come in. Even now my wife tries to get me to the mountains as much as she can.
Sometimes I wonder if I feel so crappy because of the medicines the doctors have me on or because I had strokes. When I am coherent enough I am sure I feel bad because of the drugs. I know that my stroke has caused cognitive deficits; I used to be a Software Engineer and may never do that again. I know it causes fatigue, sleeping 16 hours per day. I know to expect headaches and nausea. I know my concept of time is messed up. Sometimes 1 minute is like an hour or vice versa. I have weird s
My memories are of the CCU are vague at best. I experienced things through a fog of drugs and brain damage that is hard to explain. I have visual and auditory
Thursday was a repeat of Wednesday. I was off balance, nauseous, feeling like I was going to fall etc. My engineering team had daily stand up meetings in the morning. I could barely stand and I couldn
So, I got home feeling sick. My wife wanted me to go the the ER but I wanted to go to bed. I was sure I was just getting sick or something. Anyway I got up in the morning and did my usual 1 hour cardio workout. It was very strange. I don't remember a lot but I do remember being off balance and kind of spacing out. I was nauseous and out of energy. Not my usual workout.
I took my time getting ready for work. All day at work I was off balance. If I walked I felt like I was falling of
So, day one, entry one! I am more than 4 months past my stroke. So much has happened that It will take me several entries to get readers caught up. When I read blogs I like the entries to be short. I wonder if I will be able to write that way myself.
I had my first stroke on October 18 2006. I had put in a 14 hour day at work. I was walking to my car which was one of only a few in the parking lot. All of a sudden my vision got all distorted and I became disoriented. I could sort of
