Sunday was my official 'stroke-aversary'. My stroke hit on Sunday, Nov 13, 2005. I slept in on my stroke-aversary and it was eerily close to the day of my stroke since it hit while I napped.
It is still scary for me to remember it. Far scarier than when it actually occurred as odd as that sounds.
Nowadays, I feel as though I am more hopeful than hopeless which is a great turnaround for me. I quit going to physical therapy because 1) I have plateaued and 2) I only have 40 visits/year as
17 months. I have blogged about this before and I find it to still be true - I find myself becoming more and more aware...'waking up'. by looking back and understanding things that I didn't or couldn't at the time. I wonder if and/or when I will ever be fully aware or awake.
I am coming out of the anger and bitterness that had such a tight grip on me. Bitterness at my body for betraying me, anger at myself for not getting to the hospital sooner. I feel the beginning of hope. :laughbounce:
Not yet a year and a half since I fell over. I am trying to be patient which is not my strong suit. Over the weekend, we bought a trampoline. After 4 hours of unpacking and setting it up, we bounced and bounced and bounced! :bouncing_off_wall:
Bob has a friend that broke his back many years ago and had partial paralysis in his lower legs. Throughout rehabilitation, he said that the thing that seemed to help the most was using a trampoline. So, we bought a trampoline - a big one. It is in
When I first got out of the hospital and was a PT regular, I saw a cute little toddler trying to learn to walk and I thought "I feel your pain, sister" I truly felt connected as I tried so much to learn to walk again. A friend often told me that there is a reason that it takes children a long time to learn to walk - otherwise there would be crazed lunatics running around and into everything, without the experience of falling down and getting the hang of it. I know he was trying to tell me to be
I used to tire listening to new mothers say their child's age in months - now here I am doing it regarding my stroke!
14 months. Well, the good news is that I have started to relearn rollerblading! I have even graduated from the death-grip hold on Bob to having him jog (oh-so-slowly) next to me. I still need some help when I get distracted but I am working on that. Trying to avoid dog doo is very distracting :head_hurts:
I feel very optimistic!
Like many people, I am not in the midset of making specific New Year resolutions. Rather, if something needs to be changed, I prefer to attack it as it comes along instead of accepting the status quo until a meaningless date. At the end of the year, I can't help but think about what 2006 has meant to me. "Justsurving" is an apt description of the first half of the year. I think that I started to become proactive (hence graduation) once the cobwebs started to clear from my damaged noggin. They ha
My family flew down to Florida from South Dakota last Saturday - 8 of them - for the graduation ceremony on Monday. The doctoral guests got reserved seating at the ceremony which is great for confused, small town visitors - less chance to get lost! I was so anxious, I had to find my own way to the area for the graduates (I don't do too well with that type of thing - searching & trying to walk well...), I got there almost 1/2 hour early. The staging area for the doctoral students was fairly
Ah...to not have the pressures of finishing a dissertation...ah... :hahaha:
It feels nice to know that I don't have that hanging over my head constantly. In its place, I have STROKE RECOVERY as the large block sitting on my shoulders that I will get to on a part time basis. As with the dissertation, STROKE RECOVERY is such a large task that it seems impossible to accomplish, I will probably avoid it intermittently but tackle it in the end and persevere. When I am not overwhelmed with the i
Bob & I went to see the cartoon movie "Happy Feet" - very cute with always-entertaining Robin Williams. The movie has a message about human waste in general (litter & over-farming of fish) but the thing that got me thinking most was wondering if I can dance again. I am almost scared to find out. I used to love to dance. Bob & I spent months learning the Tango and Cha-cha for our wedding. It was easy for me and so much fun. I will wait until I shed some pounds so that if I can dance,
Part 1:
To get some exercise in, I have decided to ride my bike in to work 2 days a week or more. Due to doctor's appointments last week, I rode on Thursday and Friday. Since the university was closed on Friday but I still planned to go into work, I left later than usual. Traffic was much easier to deal with. I ride from our small development along the sidewalk to a local park with a bike path. At the park, there are posts/ballards (large PVC pipe filled with concrete) to prevent cars from
A couple of friends, Joel & Dan, visited this last weekend - both stewardesses (at least that is how I tease them - both males) flew in on Thursday evening. I took time off on Friday to visit with them. I dragged them to work with me to show them my office and introduce both to my advisor/boss. Then I ran a few errands while they sufferred with me. I don't think they had much fun Friday but I was thankful for the company. We met up with Bob for a great sushi dinner and watched a funny movie
Yesterday was the biggest day of my academic career. It was my final dissertation defense. When I get really stressed out, I get a bit flaky (pre-stroke too) & I forgot my computer - WITH MY PRESENTATION - at home!!
I started out the day with trying to find a nice outfit. I have gained about 10 pounds (I refuse to get on a scale right now so I guesstimate) since the stroke and couldn't fit into my suit. I fit into some fat clothes and drove off to get my hair done. My stylist is great -
Wow - it has been a while since I have blogged...I will try to catch up as best as I can.
- I have my dissertation defense date set - October 27 at 1:30 pm - THIS FRIDAY!! I am working on my presentation and am anxious/excited.
- I went to a conference in San Francisco Mon - Thurs of this past week. I was pretty much on my own. Had my own room & handled everything by myself. I met an online friend there and it was great to see someone face to face that I have communicated with on
Man alive am I sore from step aerobics class! Oddly though - the soreness is only on my unaffected side - I know I worked my affected side just as much but it doesn't seem to know when it is sore. It is a very weird thing to have one leg and butt sore and the other side doesn't seem to know a thing.
I am revising the last section of my dissertation and I continue with writing issues that I have always and forever have had - I am too concise and need to expand on the topics. I find that diff
Oh boy oh boy oh boy :big_grin: I finally have a date set for the big finale - defending my dissertation - October 27th at 1:30 pm Eastern time.
Yay!!! Woo hoo!! :beer: Whenever I think about it, I get excited and anxious and nervous - feelings that together create a neat combination of *finally.* ~12 or so years of schooling to get to this point - my undergraduate education spanned 2 states, 3 colleges, and about 6 years; my graduate education also spanned 2 states, 3 colleges/unive
So, the plan was for me to defend my dissertation on Friday, October 13, 2006 - my 11 month stroke-aversary and Friday the 13th!!
Scheduling conflicts at the last minute have now changed that - darn it! I am trying to set up the day but getting people to respond and let me know what works is taking FOREVER! I am anxious/excited/nervous but I think I am ready.
I am excited about this feeling too. I feel as though this has snapped me out of my fog. A coworker said that I seem more alert
I have often thought or hear that people can't wait until they 'wake up one day and feel normal/feel better' Baloney for me! It has to be pointed out to me :blush:
I was trying to talk through some parts of my dissertation with Bob the other night and he started to get this little grin on his face...I don't have much humor when it comes to my dissertation so I asked him what he thought was just so darn funny about my study? He straightened up and said 'nothing, nothing at all.' Later, whe
I realized last night that when I am frustrated or down, I blame my stroke. Then I come here and "vent." I really do have good and great days and I need to start sharing them here so that my blog reflects more of who I am.
I promise I will do just that.
I wonder about kharma (often thanks to the show My Name is Earl!). I do believe that you reap what you sow but I also wonder how we get what we deserve in other ways.
I know someone who finds humor in cutting other people down, people commented that he is chauvenistic bordering on misogynistic. Whether in private or publicly, he loved to be a Negative Ned. Now he has mouth cancer. While I would never wish cancer or serious illness upon anyone, I find it somewhat fitting for him considering
I seem to have definite memory problems now that I didn't have pre-stroke. My previously fabulous memory is one of them. I would miss it if I remembered what it was like to have a great memory... :big_grin:
I forget to take my meds, I forget appointments (2 yesterday alone!), essence of conversations that I *just* had. It goes on and on.
I have to find a way to work around this problem...I have taken notes but my previous note-taking ability allowed for me to jot main thoughts to remi
It isn't a particularly special strokaversary (like the year event) but I think it is important to recognize how different things are now.
I am back in PT because my affected ankle is still too weak and some muscles in the calf are too atrophied to help in walking/running/balancing. Although the PT helps immensely, it is hard as well because of the initial memories of PT when I simply tried to stand and had to be toiletted.
I have mentioned this before - I miss my confidence the most a
I had mentioned previously that strokes affect so much more than the physical and cognitive aspects. I had lost so much of my confidence. I think that may be changing! :cheer:
Last night I dreamt that I was back at the university where I got my master's degree (I utterly hated my advisor there) and was taking a seminar class with my old advisor as the instructor. In the middle of class, he looked at me and said 'wow, you look like you have put on weight' (which I have since the stroke, tha
Sometimes speaking in generalities lets one get something off his/her chest without having to go into detail. Of course it may also cause confusion due to the vagueness but I am willing to take that risk. :big_grin:
I am tired of egos - the large, inevitably fragile ones and the ones that need to be bolstered at the expense of others.
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On a separate note, I know someone who used to be a salesman. The area in
I talked to my sister over the weekend and she needed to talk about her fiance's accident (I hadn't known). Apparently, they had gone to a bar and while Mike had a lot to drink (bac = .2), my sister didn't (bac = .038) - but they got into an argument in the bar. My sister decided to leave the situation & got into the truck to leave. (Let me first say that my family likes Mike very much as he is gentle and very calm.) When she got into the truck, he had followed her and during the argument, h
I mentioned previously that I have a new super power, *STROKEDAR*, which allows me to detect strokers in a single sweep of the eye .
Apparently it came at the expense of a previous ability. I have always had a fascination with science and biology. I loved to 'perform surgery' on poor Bob when he had so much as a splinter in his paw. Post-stroke me is a complete wuss now when it comes to the sight of blood and whatnot. In the shower this morning, Bob removed the bandaids from the catheter
