It all started last Wednesday. My job coach picked me up at 8am and on the way to the library, I realized I'd had more seizures in my sleep that morning. I had a little breakdown but did my work for the job coach. When I got back to my apartment and my therapist arrived, I completely lost it. I was crying and telling her "I can't live like this." Since I threatened to harm myself and she didn't know what I would do after she left, she had to call 911. I called my apartment manager and she rushed
Unfortunately I had a seizure in my sleep Thursday night/Friday morning. When I woke up at 3:30 in the morning I was disoriented and did not know what day it was or where I was. I bit my tongue, bit the corner of my mouth, and I must have had a fight with the wall. (Luckily I sleep against the wall so I didn't fall off the bed.) but some of my finger nails, were bent all of the way back on my good hand, my stroke ankle was sore and my pinky toe on my good foot is sore. Luckily my dad was able to
Wow I cannot believe how much progress I've made. Can you guys believe 2 months ago I was diagnosed with panic disorder with agoraphobia, yet a week ago I went day after Christmas shopping at the MALL. It was a wonderful day. I had not been to the mall in 3 years and it was packed but I felt completely fine.
The following day I drove my mom and boy friend to the guitar center. They had sold the guitar I practiced on before so I had to order another one. It is smaller and left handed and it s
Christmas was so wonderful. I woke up with a smile on my face and fell asleep with a smile on my face. I spent time with both sides of my family and it was so much fun Everything worked out great. It's just so amazing to actually be able to enjoy myself. This is what happiness feels like! I have come such a long way. Last Christmas I was still having seizures and depressed about having to move back home. Thank God I dont have seizures anymore and I was able to really enjoy myself with NO anxiet
I decided to come back to my apartment last Friday. My boyfriend spent the day with me but it was very overwhelming. After he left, it was more overwhelming. I made it through the night by myself and he came back and spent the weekend with me. It still was not easy.
This week I tried my best to stay busy. I joined a therapeutic recreation center for people with disabilities and seniors until I can become a volunteer and do more administrative work. Each morning we start with fitness in the g
I tried going back to my apartment last Sunday because I was just tired of laying here depressed at my dad's house. I made it through the evening and the night but I had to call my dad to pick me back up on Monday. I could not stop crying and I didn't want to be at my apartment but I didn't want to come back to my dad's house. He picked me up and we went visiting my older brothers and their kids but I still couldn't stop crying so I had to come back and stay with my dad.
Seems like my meds f
Thank you so much for the comments that were left on my last entry. I dont even remember what I said in that entry. All I remember was I wanted to die and I was tired of trying everything and not getting better. I knew the increase in my keppra plus experiencing the seizures were causing anxiety and psychogenic seizures but I just got so fed up with the anxiety and psychogenic seizures that I went back to my old dose of keppra about a month ago with hopes that the depression/mood changes would n
what is the point in feeling happy only to feel sad again? Why do I go out of my way to go places, surround myself with other people and stay away from my apartment only to come home and fall back into depression. Why does God allow me to suffer panic attacks during prayer at church? What am I doing wrong? I specifically prayed lastnight for peaceful sleep, no interruptions, no bad dreams, no panic attacks in JESUS name. Yet I stayed up half the early morning laying here shaking and jumping up c
Last week I had absolutely nothing to do (no appointments) but I ended up going to see my therapist on Thursday for a quick 30 minute session. Without balance in my life it's hard to tell when I'm making the psychological issues better or worse. She suggested that I take 30 minutes a day to let out the emotions then try to just enjoy the rest of my day. It took A LOT of courage but that night I drove to a meditation class I found on meetup.com. I was so relieved when I made it home and slept wel
My stroke isn't really what got me in the position I am in now. Yes the brain injury caused seizures but the seizures are what made me have to quit my job and move back home and the panic/anxiety/psychogenic seizures are what have made my life so difficult this past year. Perhaps, I need a support group for the psychological problems. I feel like you guys cannot really relate just as my christian friends tell me everything will be okay if I just pray, have faith, and speak positive. I appreciate
Thanks for the advice in my last entry. I appreciate your ideas but I'm still kind of in a difficult situation. Since I quit working and moved back home almost a year ago now, I have filled my days with tv, talking on the phone, movies, computer, reading, etc so sometimes I dread doing those things because there's only so much you can do before it gets boring after a while especially when you're by yourself. I do not feel comfortable just getting in my car and driving to the library or the park
My stroke was 13 years ago from today. This was the weekend I was in ICU while the surgeons tried to fix their mistake. I did not know how to feel about today or what to do. Everything seems so confusing now because I have too much time to think. Ever since I moved to my apartment 6 months ago I have done something every single Saturday. I always looked forward to the weekends because that was when I could take a break from sitting on my couch watching movies from sunrise to sunset and actually
Well even though I only got a handful of views on my last entry and comments have been dwindling, I am going to blog because yesterday my therapist told me writing and talking about how I feel helps. I thought it made it worse. After having attacks/seizures while on the phone and blogging, I assumed talking/typing about it was just triggering bad memories but apparently according to my therapist, talking/writing about it gets all those suppressed thoughts out of my head.
As I said in my last
I have had so many doctors appointments. My gynecologist had me get an ultrasound of my uterus after my pap smear. Then my doctor set me up with a cardiologist so I had to see him to do an EKG last week before going to the diagnostic center so they could check my blood and thyroid. Today I had to get the ultrasound of my heart and I have no clue how I am going to sleep with all of these wires on me and this remote thing clipped to my pants. I know they are looking for palpatations. I have a pape
After my last entry, I did sleep good again. It is kind of hard because everyone tells me not to overthink things and associate my behaviors with having attacks/seizures but at the same time I kind of have to find patterns to see what works and what are triggers. Wednesday was a great day. I drove to the dentist and back home safely and did not have any attacks/seizures the whole day. I tried to stay up and watch a movie since my day was going well but I had 2 attacks during the movie. I don't k
I just want to say thank you all so much for your support. I want to share my good news. I fell asleep lastnight without thinking about it and slept 8 hours straight for the first time in months I was so happy when I woke up this morning. Sunday night my (new) boyfriend stayed the night with me since I was scared. I kept waking up every 2 hours and had crazy dreams and even though we fell asleep later than my 0:00 bedtime (we stayed up watching the football game) I still kept waking up. So yest
I was not going to blog about this. I did not even want to think about this but I need something that can remind me of this for future reference. I don't know if you guys remember but when I first moved to Charlotte in 2012, I was on zoloft, I quit baclofen, and I had quit taking the mini-pill a couple months before. I quit the Zoloft after about a month because it was making me more depressed, even though I properly weened myself off the baclofen I got back on it so I could qualify for the bio
Its only been a few days and here I am blogging again. I finally slept good lastnight. No nightmares, no attacks. A few nights ago as I was trying to fall asleep, I threw the covers off of me and jumped up saying "no, help me God please." I guess I was afraid to fall asleep because of the nightmares and attacks I'd had the night before in my sleep. I feel bad when I complain about my bad sleeping habits to other people. It could be a lot worse and I know that and I give thanks every morning I wa
I miss the days when I could just think whatever, say whatever, and do whatever without worrying about whats going to happen. I was afraid to blog about my good day because the day was not over yet. I texted my cousin good news and began having anxiety as I was texting her because I dont know I guess I felt like something bad was going to happen. I hardly get any comments to my blog anymore so I dont know how up to date you all are on my condition.
I went to church Saturday morning and it wa
Sorry for blogging so much lately. I try to wait to give everyone time to see my previous post. I just did not know whether to post in the emotional subforum, physical subforum, or young adults again so I decided to just blog again. I don't like to talk to my friends about my problems all the time so blogging helps me.
1. I feel like I am running out of time. When I was so consumed with getting my left hand back, I wasn't thinking about anxiety. I was so happy when I was in therapy and using
I feel so much better right now. I was smiling as I walked out of the neurologist office. Well first as some of you may have read, I had been deeply depressed since I got my medical review papers from the DMV on Thursday. I have had 10 attacks (starting Saturday) since my therapist gave me the log to fill out on Friday. I was feeling so depressed and it rained for the past 3 days so I'd just been stuck in my apartment. It is like I wanted to feel happy and I was grateful for so much but at the s
I seen my therapist on Friday. She wants me to have a psychological evaluation. She also gave me some papers to log the attacks because she said it is not helping her by me just telling her verbally what happens. Silly me, I thought all those times she was writing in her notepad and typing on her laptop she was actually recording what I was saying.
My dad is pretty much my caregiver I guess. He takes me to my appointments. I love my dad. Last week he started to cry as I started to cry when i
I go see my therapist again today so it helps to blog to get my thoughts together before I go see her. I have a friend (actually my ex-boyfriend) who graduated college, worked for years, and drove a van modified just for him because he has muscular dystrophy. Well it is a disability that gets worse over time so eventually he got too weak to work, had to turn in his license, sell his van, and live at home with his parents. This is how I feel.
I tried so hard to do everything I could to make s
I made it through the week. I finished my discipleship class last Wednesday so I was kind of worried about what I would do this week. This was my first week since moving here by myself with absolutely nothing planned, no church, no appointments, no therapy. I met with my pastor last Thursday for counseling. It went better than I expected. She assured me that it is okay to just rest and not pray for the same stuff over and over everyday. She assured me that everyone's relationship with God is dif
I am giving another try at not speaking negatively. It is a process! I think I tried to only blog positive thoughts last month then I just kinda exploded one day I was so frustrated. Last week's sermon was on positive thinking but I am just trying to be content. Whenever I try to talk positive all the time and think positive, it makes me obsessed with the things I want and stresses me out when i speak positive then it does not happen.
I think I associated contentment with acceptance and in the
