i have come to the realization that i haven't had a vacation since 1999. oh, unless you count the hospital and recuperation time from the stroke last year.
my husband takes little "trips" all of the time with his friends. today i told him that i was going to the beach BY MYSELF next week. he then had the audacity to say " well, that's when i'm taking off for that golf tournamant". i saId " i don't care what arrangements you have to make for ashley, i am going, and that's the end of it". he t
i haven't misspelled desert island. i'm naming mine DESSERT, because after i thought about it, many of the people i have chosen to be stranded with have to do with food, the obtaining of it, and the preparing it.
THE SUBJECT: if i went on a "three hour tour" with some friends from strokenet and got stranded like gilligan, who would i chose and why? i gave it a lot of thought and while there were MANY people i'd chose, i narrowed it down to a few. here they are and why
CINDER: becau
i have been EXTREMELY angry at my husband since thursday. he has always done things to make me mad, but this one takes the cake. it makes me SO mad, i don't even want to write what he did. i haven't spoken to him since and spend most of my time at my office. it would be different if he would ever apologize, but he won't. he thinks i'll get over it like i always have, and i am NOT going to "get over it" this time!!!!!
i didn't marry him ten years ago only to go through another divorce,
i don't know WHY i am so paranoid. i always have been so i doubt that it is the onset of mental illnness. unless i was born with one, a mental illness ,that is. when someone stares at me, i feel like they're noticing something bad about me. i immediately go check in the mirror to see why they are looking at me.
when people are talking in a group and i walk up and they stop talking, i automatically assume they might have been talking about me. i never assume that it was good either. when t
can a person be in a committed relationship and still be attracted emotionally and physically to another person? or should i say, HOW can a person have these feelings? i guess it goes without saying that i'm referring to myself. not that i would ever try to ACT on these feelings, but i have them and i'm not doing anything to stop them. it makes me feel guilty because i have never had them before. but not guilty enough to cease contact with the object of my attraction.
does "the object"
i am one of the cleanest, well groomed and well dressed people to the near point of obsessive compulsive. about my personal appearance and my vehicle, that is.
when it comes to my home, I LIVE LIKE A PIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no matter how many times i clean up the house, it gets right back like it was in split second timing. i can't blame it on buford and ash, while junky little packrats, they're pretty neat people.
NOT ME!!! every so often i rent a bunch of movies and have an al
since buford's out of town for awhile, i have had some time to do some soul seraching and i have decided to change my identity. while i was sitting around trying to decide on my new identity, it occurred to me that what i REALLY wanted to be was all around me, QUITE literally. at my head, feet, on my lap, CATS!!!! cats everywhere, that's what i want to be, A CAT!!!!!!!
so, i went down to the court house and legally changed my name to katharine dee katz ( KAT D. KATZ). i was SHOCKED at
i know every statistic about every serial killer since the infamous jack the ripper. WHY? why do i and much of america CARE? why the fascination and intrigue? i have been thinking about it lately. i think i have the case cracked.
i can UNDERSTAND why someone may commit murder during an armed robbery. i don't LIKE IT, and they should certainly get the death penalty, but i UNDERSTAND it. they have motive. FEAR. fear of being recognized and sent to prison or worse.
i can UNDERST
okay for all of you jokesters who make fun of me 'cause i believe in bad luck, bad karma, superstitions, and jinxes. i have a PRIME illustration that further backs up my belief system.
i have been a registered voter since NINETEEN EIGHTY ONE and have NEVER been summoned for jury duty. i do not like the jury system. i think that if the jury is TRULY a jury of the defendant's peers, then they should all be of the same race, sex, religion, socio economic background, etc.. OR better yet, le
i binged and purged from the ages of 15 to 28. that's how i stayed thin. after chest pains and an ekg, i was told by my 300 lb doctor that if i didn't quit, the heart arythmia would turn into "heart stop", so i reluctantly stopped, little by little. the BAD thing was that my body was in "starve mode" so EVERYTHING i ate made me get fatter and fatter until i was obese.
after many years of struggle, i have gotten my weight and my binge purge problem under control, for the most part. HOWEVE
my top ten list
"michael's wiffle bat list"
1) people who tail gate on a rural road and when you realize that you have missed a turn, put on your blinker to turn around in a driveway and then THEY turn on the same blinker making you THINK that they live there. so, you turn off your blinker and keep going and SO do they. after about three or four times of this and 15 miles later, you realize the idiot is signaling the non existent drivers behind him. THEN, you put on your blinker again
last night when i got home ashley( my 14 year old) asked me if i had written any "good" stories in my blog lately. i told her that i had a kind of writer's block. then she said" what about ernest". the memories FLOODED IN AGAIN.
ERNEST, THE "CARPET CLEANER"
the summer before i stroked i had waken ash up from a dead sleep one saturday with the phrase that she HATES to hear. ASHLEY, HOUSES DON'T CLEAN THEMSELVES!!!!! this means that we're going to have a 'CLEAN UP DAY".
after w
since i had plenty of "time" on my hands last night, i started thinking about who were my favorite artists, composers, authors, etc . the list was QUITE extensive. anyway, i narrowed it down to the following.
artist: vincent van gogh
composer: sergei rachmaninoff
author: edgar allen poe
i hope i spelled their names correctly. after i thought about my FAVORITES, i realized what they all three have in common. they were all purported to have been mentally ill. even if the
sometimes i think i live in the city of UNAWARE, in the county of I DON'T KNOW, and in the state of OBLIVION.
i like to THINK that i'm aware of my surroundings and the goings on in my local area. APPARENTLY not. all DAY yesterday i kept wondering why the traffic was so heavy and their were TONS of police, fbi, sherriff, and military vehicles and officers all OVER montgomery, al. i thought maybe there was some sort of a threat on the air force base. or maybe there was someone famous in town
WHY WHY WHY WON'T ANYONE let me have UNSWEET TEA!!!!!!!! no matter HOW many times i say UNsweet tea, and even if the little screen at mcdonalds clearly says UNSWEET tea, 95% of the time i drive off to find out it's SWEET TEA!!!!!
i've tried to taste it first but INVARIABLY this will be the time i have to "pull up" (because i usually get grilled chicken that has to be cooked) and then they throw my order at me and run off and i have to go RIGHT back inside and get a new tea. it happens
that's my husband's name. benjamin BUFORD williams lll.
his name is a CURSE!!!! he avoids calling himself his name at ALL costs!!! when he makes reservations he always says " BEN williams". when i first started dating him i wore a sweater of his and spilled chocolate icecream all over it. the next day i offered to have it cleaned and he said it was already at the cleaners. i INSISTED on picking it up and paying for it. he finally told me that it wasn't in his name. i said" what do you ME
i HAVE to do EVERYTHING, the exact same way every single time or i WILL forget something !!!!!
i am more sure of that today than i EVER have been!!!!! i have to put my clothes on a hanger in the exact same place every night including underwear and shoes or i spend FOREVER walking around in a daze trying to remember what to wear or if it's even clean the next morning. it's just easier to do it at night. same thing goes for carkeys, cell phone, work satchel, and the purse.
anyway,
i entitled this blog "racial problems" so i would get a lot of responses. i am a caucasion female and i have lived in the "city of the civil rights movement" since i was ten years old.
i have worked, lived, been to school, and BREATHED in the same town as many of my friends "of color" and have not ONCE, for ANY reason had a dispute based on race. i think that it is all a matter of attitude. many people think that because it's "the south" that there are problems , NOT so . more than HALF of
1) i have been married three times and have ALWAYS kept my maiden name even before it was popular
2) i LOVE to wear black
3) many times when i am alone i will actually PLAN and carry out comfort food eating binges and then sleep for hours
4) i have seen every episode of law and order
5) i have seen every episode of the andy griffith show
6) i have only been fired from a job once. i was 16 and my father fired me for insubordination
7) i tasted cat food once to see what it tasted like
since i've decided to slam just about everyone i know for being inconsiderate clods, it's only FAIR that i remember the FEW who REALLY made a difference to me with their kindness.
a week after i came back to work( you could CALL it that, i mostly sat in a stupor)
dad hired a new appraiser trainee named jimmy. he was REALLY young ( 26) and just out of college and MILES from his hometown. IMMEDIATELY the other clods that i work with started laughing behind his back, telling him the
there are several hundred people who i interacted with in my life before my stroke including friends, extended family, co-workers, my husband's church members, etc.... i have ALWAYS been the one to host baby showers, bridal showers, anniversary parties, birtyhday parties, etc... i ALWAYS enjoyed it, at least i DID. talk about a WAKE UP CALL!!!!!!!!!!
it wasn't until i had the stroke that i realized how NAIVE and GULLIBLE i had been all of my life. it never crossed my MIND that i was p
i already know that revenge ...."only hurts you", but right about this moment, i don't feel ANY pain!!!!! i think that revenge is one of my character flaws. HOWEVER, there comes a time when the line between "being nice" and being a "doormat" come VERY close together. what made me think about it was that my co-worker who i have shared office space with for FIVE years just asked me for a ride.
i'll start at the beginning. i have ALWAYS tried to be good to my fellow man. that includes famil
my mother has taught private piano lessons for as LONG as i can remember. for about ten years she also served as an assitant director for an academy for performing arts here in montgomery. she has ALWAYS wanted me to follow in her footsteps, and she finally got her chance back in 1990.
mother started out the conversation GLOWINGLY
MOTHER: you know, with your musical talents, ALL of your performances, your SUPERIOR ratings in all of the musical festivals, your accompaniment with choi
since ash and i are TALKING again, she wants to talk A LOT!!!! anyway, last night she started telling me things that she had been feeling since the stroke. she said that she was afraid that i didn't remember ANYTHING about her life anymore and she felt like if I didn't remember, then it never really existed. i told her that her life had and does exist REGARDLESS if i remembered it or NOT!!!! she then said that i used to tell stories about her life to people all of the time and that she missed t
i had had about all i could take of ashley's ( my 14 year old stepdaughter) laziness, lack of doing chores that she has ALWAYS done in the past, and her missing school for no good reason. but NOW she is REALLY trying to make me mad. her brother gave her his old cell phone( the throw away kind) which we didn't approve of to begin with but i was too tired ( as usual) to deal with it and her father just let it go.
ANYWAY, monday night she woke me up while she was unplugging MY cell phone and
