• entries
    131
  • comments
    383
  • views
    53,304

About this blog

An outpouring of my thoughts and feelings as I try to adjust to life post-stroke

Entries in this blog

The Flights are booked and confirmed....PR, here we come!

So, my grandfather (father's father) died a year ago. My mother went to Puerto Rico (my island home) in July, to settle his estate for my sister and me. She is going back next week to settle the sale of his house for my sister and me.   arra and I wanted to go down to PR for the house closing, but, frankly, I didn't fly well before the stroke. NOw, the logistics of the idea seemed just too overwhelming, especially on short notice, and Larra just couldn't get the time off of work. But we both
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

4

I don't mean to be MIA

Let's face it, life the past few months has been a whirlwind - and not the positive kind. I'm glad to say that Garion is healing well, dealing with learning to accept himself as he is now, and looking forward to getting back to work. Sam and I have been looking for a house. My disability claim is under appeal, but we are making ends meet. So I have much to be grateful for and I thank God in my prayers every day.     Then there is the topic of my shirt term memory. I really think it is getting
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

1

Learning to accept by helping Garion to do it

I'll start by saying thank you to everyone who has kept Garion, my son, in their prayers, after his grease fire accident.     He is doing much better and the scarring, post skin graft, looks as though it will be minimal. He is very selfconscious about his hand and arm. He is also suffering from the same sort of emotional liability that we, as stroke survivors, go through. It seems it happens with any traumatic injury. We're helping him through it and I am strongly encouraging him to go to the
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

2

Family Coming out of the Woodwork

So, my grandfather's estate has been settled. My mother flew to Puerto Rico to act on the behalves of my sister and myself. Now, this is my father's family we are dealing with. To be kind, there was never a warm relationship between my father's mother and my mother, which meant that no one else was allowed to like my mother either, or my grandmother would make sure their lives were miserable. To say she was controlling is an understatement. So, the relationship had always been strained. My mothe
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

3

Is Someone Playing Flight of the Valkeries?

Oh, no, that's just my mother & my sister swooping in again!       With everything that has gone on with Garion, after my mother returned from Puerto Rico upon settling my Grandfather's estate, the 2 of them decided that I have had enough stress for a while. Well, I can't disagree with them there. SO, they have been discussing what type of house/condo to buy for us and where. They have included what Sam and I said we wanted into their searches, so we aren't being strongarmed. Frankly, at
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

1

Feet Starting to Touch Ground

So, Garion had to have the ENTIRE back of his right hand and arm grafted, up to his elbow. They used the back of his right thigh, from buttox to knee, as his donation sight. They did the surgery a week ago, yesterday. Last Wednesday, they released him from the hospital. His apartment wasn,t ready for him, having absolutely no furniture in it at all, so we put him up at Sam's parents, house while his girlfriend and I ran all over Tampa, getting the things needed to make his house a home. They del
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

3

I Didn't Fall Off the Planet, Just Fell into My Own Head for a While

I don't even remember when I posted last, though I suppose I could go back and look...sort of. I know it was after I stopped working, but I don't think I posted anything in July. So, here is the update.....       I was asked to help out in vacation Bible School, the last week of July. "Just attendanace and gatekeeping," I was told. God had other plans.   I arrived at 8:30 on te first day of VBS, and by the time all the kids were checked in (which I didn't help with?), and were ready for t
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

3

Dealing with emotions and other things

I've been off the computer for a while. Haven't blogged. Haven't attended a chat. Haven't posted a comment on any of the topics lately.   Working on the computer gets difficult quickly. I'm still unable to focus, visually, and have pretty much given up on taking the valium because I keep needing more and more of it. I stop taking meds when they stop working at lower doses. So far, nothing to replace it because of drug interactions, or cost since I no longer work, have no insurance and am still
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

4

Not handling this whole eyesight thing very well

I haven't been on Stroke Net lately. Imiss the afternoon chats, the blogs and the forum entries. I miss myfriends.         The problem is that I have problemsreading now. My eyes spasm constantly, making it very hard to focuson anything. I was given Valium to deal with that. But if I try tofocus in on anything, like when I try to read, the spasming breaksthrough the Valium, and even gets worse. After a little while, I geta headache and start to feel nauseated. So being on the computer hasbe
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

5

Good bye, CGS, It's been a memorable journey

I did not expect to leave without bittersweet tears. There were a few. There were a lot of hugs and "keep in touches." I actually went out a couple of months ago and created a facebook page for myself, so there was plenty of "I'm no Facebook, look me up" moments too. Tonight I set my cell phone up to9 receive a text message whenever someone writes anything on my page. That way I don't have to be on the compuer all of the time. Reading/typing for very long has bec9ome a problem. But at least, wit
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

3

Tomorrow is the day

I've spent my morning packing away 13 years worth of collected "stuff" to take home from the office. It's personal stuff like my mug, dry eraseboard puzzel pieces, desk fan, coding manuals, pictures, sweater, "executive" dart board, etc. Took a whole box to get it all collected up. My desk looks so bare now. Nothing on the walls but some purple push pins. Nothing on the desk by the monitor, keyboard, mouse, a note pad and a pen. Nothing in the drawers. It's all in a box with my name on it, sitti
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

3

Ending Early

I've tried not taking the valium. My focus spasms in both eyes constantly, even when my eyes are closed. I tried taking half a valium - 2.5 mil, and couldn't stay awake. I even tried taking a quarter of a valium - 1.25 mil and I still can't think straight. I'm making "careless" mistakes, which, at this time, affect the attendance and adherence of the entire call center, which could impact some one's performance review or even their employment. I can't be making simple mistakes. Unfortunately, I
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

2

Driving and other questions

I asked to extend my retirement day by 1, that way I could be paid for any unused paid time off I have. HR said that was not a problem.   Friends, family and co-workers are beginning to find out - because I have started talking about it - that July 1st will be my last day. Everyone has the same set of questions ; 1. Why? 2. Are you ok with that? 3. Do you need to talk about it?   They all look at me skeptically when I tell them I am very at peace with the whole thing, even starting to loo
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

3

You carry your pit bull around in your purse? Who do you think you are, Marry Poppins!?

This past Sunday evening was one of the best evenings I've had in a while!   Backstory: I have a sister 2 years younger than I am. We were pitted against each other by our grandmother all the years she was alive, and none of it ever came out until about a year and a half ago, when our grandfather died. Since then, we have started to build the kind of relationahip we should have had the whole time.   After my stroke, it was my mom and my sister who spent every moment that Sam could not be
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

2

I've Had a Good Run

March 2, 1998, I reported, promptly at 9:00 am for my first day of work with my current company. I was 30 years olb, the single mother of 3, recently divorced entering the corporate workforce for the first time.   My assignment was as a technical service specialist for a computer call center. I had some knowledge of troubleshooting PC problems, though most of my experience was on a Mac. None of my family or friends really expected that I'd make it a year.   By my 2nd year, I was a part-time
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

5

Monster's Progress

Monster is a "Canine Good Citizen" now. He performed all of hius tasks with flying colors. I was so proud of him....and so proud of myself since I trained him. We've really become a pretty good team the past couple of months.   We've been steadily working on developing his service tasks. Monster already looks more to the right than to the left when we are walking, seeming to understand that I have a limited field of vision on that side. He will nudge or pull me to either side to avoid objects
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

0

FINALLY! The Right Word!!

It's been 5 months since the first stroke. I've been dealing with aphasia since and have gotten frustrated that I just couldn't seem to get the words right, even with them written and posted on the objects.   Well, a couple of days ago (I've been busy and haven't had a chance to write lately), I FINALLY used the correct words for the Microwave and the Dishwasher!!!!!!!!!!!   Of course, I still insist that one boils water in an iron and can't, even now, remember what it is that Sam told me
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

3

OMG...I Can't Read Out Loud.......

I'm sitting in the office, with a co-worker. I was asked to read something aloud, so we could both see if it sounded ok. I just discovered I can't do that!!!!!!!!!!!   I can read. It is slow, most of the time, and after a while, it stops making sense, but I can read. I cna type and my spelling isn't too bad. I can write blogs and manuals, emails, training information, everything. What I can't seem to do is read aloud!     I can read. I know what the words are, how they should sound, and wha
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

2

Personality Changes

We were told that there would be small changes in my personality, after and I healed from the stroke, and further on down the road, as I continue to have "Ischemic Events," and very probably develop vascular dementia. OK, I've learned to accept that. So have Sam, the kids and rest of the family. None of us are looking for the changes, but we have all decided that when we notice differences, we will roll with them. What else can we do?   Well, we have noticed a few in the last couple of months.
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

1

Weekend

Friday evening, we went to a fish-fry at the church.   To go back a pace or two, it seems the Daughters of the King had a round table meeting that included a discussion about my attending with Monster. We were not well received on Easter Sunday, and I have not been back since then.   In the meeting, it was very clearly stated to everyone present that Monster is my service animal, and as such, it is my legal right to have him with me, anywhere the public is allowed. That means in the sanctua
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

2

Car-ride Conversation

Sam and I went over to friends' house last night. We had a good time, chatting and playing cards. It was nice to get out. On the way home, I was sort of babbling about things I have read on this site, and things said in the afternoon chat.   Sam and I usually don't talk about anything stroke related, unless we have to. I mentioned my post about feeling a little overwhelmed and that as if the fact that I had a stroke is always "right in my face." GOing on, I whistfully sighed and told Sam I fe
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

3

Ponderings

A whole lot has happened in my world since Christmas.   I had a stroke I found Stroke Net I went back to work My daughter got engaged and moved into her own apartment with her fiancee My oldest son moved into his own apartment I got a service dog I had another stroke My youngest son moved into his sister's apartment My grandfather's estate is ready to be finally settled   It's only been 5 months since all of this happened.   Sometimes I look around and I ask myself how in the wor
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

3

I don't know why this still bothers me so much....

One of my co-workers doesn't like me, on principle. She even gave my daughter a hard time when she started working here, just because she is my daughter, but that is a story for another time. Now she is taking aim at me again.   I've been "loaned out" to the workforce dept. for a while, to help them get things caught up. I'm working attendance exceptions for them. It isn't rocket science. But that affects this one co-worker's agents' attendance. So she is writing nastygrams to my boss and ever
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

4

Feeling Blue

Monster is sleeping not more than 2 feet away from me, Cally is in hte food bowl again, Nikki is asleep in Oni's spot in hte den, Oni is taking up my entire lap (and making it a little hard to type). Sam is off to day 2 of his advanced motorcycle rider's class.I've run aload of dishes and a load of laundry. I'm exhausted and really should lay down for a nap.   Yesterday, I took Mon to the vet - clean bill of health, only 1 little pelota that is undersized for his age, leaving questions about h
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

3

Still Don't Have my Sea Legs

Yesterday was Thursday, which, as many people know, is one of the days that I take Monster to the office. I guess spring was in the air, or he is entering his "teen-ager" stage at 5.5 months old now, or both. Anyhow, he didn't settle into his normal work attitude, preferring to coax me into taking him outside more often than our every 2 hour schedule and playing "fetch the stick." OK, fine. I sent him home with Sam at lunch time. No point in getting us both wound up and frustrated.   He was al
lydiacevedo

lydiacevedo

1