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About this blog

An outpouring of my thoughts and feelings as I try to adjust to life post-stroke

Entries in this blog

The End is in Sight!

I spoke to my mother yesterday.   After I had my stroke and rushed back to work, I discovered that it took more out of me than anyone thought it would. I managed to get up to 30 hours a week, so that I could maintain my insurance and benifits. But, believe me, it has been and continues to be a struggle. I know my quality has suffered and I am just too tired after work to do much of anything around the house. Even working with Monster is starting to feel more like a chore than a help.   I tal
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4

Sometimes It Still Seems Like Too Much

I'm tired of talking about all things Stroke. Sometimes, even reading the intor posts from newbies, it all just seems so overwhelming. There is never a break from stroke, the fact that I had one, the deficits that I'm left delaing with, the questions from coworkers and even complete strangers about why I use a rollator, or a cane, or why I have Monster. I'm even tired of answering the question "how are you feeling?"   Can there be 1 day, just 1 day when stroke doesn't seem to take up so much o
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5

I Wish Everything Ran on Manuals

I'm a technical writer, by training and experience. Most of my career has been centered around writing and publishing "how To" documentation on the company intranet, creating training for products and services, and the like.   I have no problem creating a forum post or a blog that says, in written word, exactly how I am feeling. The problem is, that seems to be the only way I can communicate my emotions and have them understood.   When speaking, words fail me. I don't have virtual dictionar
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3

Monster's Progress

We've been at this for a month. Monster is a very sweet, VERY smart dog. He's got all of his basic commands, and even though he doesn't like it, will stay on command, whether I leave his sight now or not.   We still go for at least 1 working outing a day, focusing, mainly, on his behavior in public venues, especially where there are a lot of sights/sounds/smells, like Walmart or the mall. He always does very well when it is just the 2 of us, and has only a little trouble focusing when Sam or
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The End of One Era, the Beginning of A New One

Today is Logan's birthday.   He is 18 years old and no longer, legally, a "minor." He is also moving out and in with his sister and her finace. There will no longer be any kids living the house.   For the first half of my life, I was a child growing up in my mother's home. For the second half of my life, I was a mother raising 3 children of my own. I'm still a mother. Once you bring a child into the world, no one can take that title away from you. But my role in the lives of my offspring is
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My New Mantra

Live fully: laugh loudly, cry honestly, sleep deeply, eat hartily and love unconditionally   I've added it to the end of a few forum posts, lately, or some version of that, anyhow. It occures to me that those are words I have really taken to heart lately. That keeps me fighting past the fear, when it rears its ugly head, moving forward, and looking for the beauty and pleasure in every day, even the ones where Sam and I seem to be constantly on different pages.   I'm not sure where those word
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4

China, Wedding cake, Wolves and other things

Sam and I have had a rather hit or miss week. One day, things are ok, the next we are having another discussion about life post stroke. I suppose we will be doing that for a long time to come. We'll survuve.   So, last night, I sent Sam out for a while. He managed to roll in after 4:00 in t morning. I told him I wasn't going to deal with any snarkiness when he had to get up to teach his tai chi class.   Well, he tried very hard not be snarky when I tol him it was 11 and time to get up. I a
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3

Good News From Dr. Mike!!

Well, I was at the doctor again yesterday for a follow up from both strokes. I asked him to lay everything out on the table and really tell me how I was doing. Here goes.   1) The second stroke is something that I will probably have to deal with from time to time. He saw this with my grandmother too (Dr. Mike has been our family doctor since 1996). I seem to be following the same course she did, though for different reasons. We can work on minimizing the impact of the strokes, but they will co
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5

UGH!!! Not again!!

Sam and I had another little discussion last night. All he wanted to do was sit on the patio and smoke. I needed his help.   I was making a few changes in what was one of the kids bedrooms, will now be the den. There is a futon in there that I was folding back into a sofa, or at least trying to, but Monster was dead set that he had to lay on it, in the middle, and I couldn't fold it with the added weight of the dog. I called to Sam for help and got the now usual, "in a minute, I'm having a cig
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4

That wasn't just a headache. You had another stroke.

April 18, 2011, my head felt as though it would explode from my brain pushing out of it. I went to the doctor. He checked my bp and heart rate, gave me a good look over and told me he couldn't figure out a reason for my pain. So, after a shot of demeral, he sent me home. I mentioned that in an earlier post where the headache came during a few days where Sam was being a jerk.   Well, I had a regularly scheduled appointment with DSr. Mike set for Friday afternoon, which he told me to go ahead an
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4

Something Sam and I have started talking about....

Monster is a 4.5 month old pitbull/lab mix dog. He had only minimal commands and house training when we got him and had spent most of his time in a fenced yard, outside.   We have only had him for 22 days.   Monster is ready to take his Canine Good Citizen test, the first of 3 certifications he will need to lose his "in training" designation and become a fully vested service dog.   1) He knows 19 of the 32 total commands we will be teaching him. There is absolutely no food agression with h
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3

Happy Birthday Moose and Mookie!

Monster was formally invited to a birthday party, at the dog park, for his 2 friends, Moose, a pit/shepard mix, and Mookie, a great dane/pit mix. Doggie parents were, of course, also invited. We RSVP'd that he would love to come and marked the calendar. Last night was the party.   Ashley and Patrick, their parents, went all out! There was food for both doggies and humans, games of frisbee and ball, music, there was even a doggie birthday cake and a human birthday cake! Everyone had a great tim
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2

More Venting

:::WARNING:::: Lydi is on a rant! Read at your own risk ::::WARNING:::   ...     Friday evening, Sam and I both got home about 5:30 pm. Me because I had to wait an extra hour for a ride. Sam because he doesn't get done with patients until 5:00 pm on Fridays. We met at home and suddenly, the world went wonky!   The dog needed to go out. Usually we let him into the yard on his own, but Friday evening, Sam didn't lock the gate and Monster chose to take himself for a walk. I, of course, have
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3

Frustrated

::sigh:: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.   I'm trying not to jump at people today, but it is difficult. I'm frustrated. I know I had a stroke. I get that. I know I'm not able to do all of the things I once could. I'm ok with that. I'm not ok with the pressure being put on me to perform by everyone else.   Old Lydi could read 1 thing, type another and listen to a third, never getting lost or mixing up what she was doing. New Lydi can only listen or type or read, just 1 at a time or she gets completel
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5

There's a DOG in the office!

Our poor HR person heard that a LOT yesterday. "Did you know there is a dog in the office? Why is there a dog in the office? Did you know there was a dog in the break room? Did you know there is a DOG wandering around the office?"   Apparently, Monster caused a little bit of a stir in the office yesterday. Though, most of the people that we spoke to were glad to see him and thought he was beautiful, sweet and very well behaved.   Our HR person had to keep telling those who did not like the i
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0

Don't know if I'm ready, but jumping in anyhow.

Saturday is Palm Sunday. That means that next week is Holy Week. With it brings church services every eveining leading up to Easter Sunday. Those services need ley readers and additional Eucharistic ministers. Well, I'm not up to administering the Eucharist again, yet, but I've volunteered to a reading for the Tenebrea service and a homily for the Good Friday service. I'm facing a couple of my language deficits head on.   #1. I'll be speaking in front of a group of people. I'll have to deal wi
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6

Monster's First BIG Working Outing

Last night was the annual HOPE Neamiaha (Sp?) Action Rally. That is a gathering where congregations across the county we live in, and across religious affiliations, gather to press our local and state civic leaders and representatives into action to benifit those in need, the young, the homeless, the sufferors of addiction, the poor, etc. Once can count on there being literally thousands of people in attendance at the annual rally.   I attend every year. I also work on the HOPE committee at my
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Too Smart for Myown Good!

"Honey, don't get upsset. The dog got out of the house today."   "WHAT!!!!!!!!!"   "When I cam home, the back door was open and Monster was nowhere to be found. Logan swares that the back door was closed."   "Oh God! Have you tried looking for him?"   "Yes, baby, I've got him. He was playing with some of the kids in the complex. He's safe and we are going for a walk right now."   "Oh thank God! You're sure nothing happened to him? He's really ok, right?"   "Yes, baby, he's alright.
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2

Why a service dog?

If you lived in the house with me, this qestion would seem a no-brainer. But the vast majority of the world does not, so it comes as no surprise to me that people ask "why did you get/are you training a service dog?"   I use a rollator and went back to work, so I must be to active to need a service dog, right? Wrong! There area wide range of tasks a srvice dog can provide a handler, such as;   Guide for visually impared persons Hearing assistance for deaf/hard of hearing pesons Mobility a
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2

New smells, new people and new dogs

We took Monster with us to visit our friends on Saturday evening. They have a pit bull terrier and a worl hybrid. Both are very well trained and we felt they would be a good first test of how Monster reacts to other dogs. Freya, the pitty, is of an advanced age and doesn't do a lot of running. She can also be a bit of a bully to new animals. Monster handled their meeting well, making it known to her that he was not interested in taking her place in her pack. Talon, the worlf hybrid is younger, a
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He's off to a great start!

We picked Monster up Friday evening after work, and took him strsight to Pet Supermarket, as planned. Food dishes, shampoo, toys, bed, etc. later, we brought him to his new home. The cats were less than pleasedd to see me come in with a dog on a lead, but they don't run the house, no matter what they think. Sam was trying hard to emain detached, so was Logan, in case Monster didn't work out.   Monster didn't even give the cats the time of day, which confused them. There was some hissing and a
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Coming soon......Monster

We met my dog last night. Not only is he good looking, he is well toned and defined, his hips are straight and even, his sight is keen and he is very attentive.   His name is Monster. He knows his name and is comfortable with it. I am not going to try to change it.   Monster is very intellegent, trains quickly, is eager to please, and for being yet a puppy, very calm around people. He is not at all aggressive, and not at all an "Alpha" personality. After 20 minutes, Monster allowed me to ta
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3

Crash! Boom! Bang! Zap!

It is raining so hard I can't even see the cars 100 ft. away in the parking lot. Yuck!! This is day 3 of rain for us, and the worst of it so far. Welcome to "not January" in Florida!   I'm a "sunshine girl." Cloudy weather depresses me after a couple of days. I'm starting to feel it today. My energy is sinking and I am getting a case of the you-know-what-its. Don't feel like working, eating, cooking, or doing much of anything. I'm just waiting for the electricity to go out in the office. Glad
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Wow! I actually made dinner!

It's been a while since I've done that.   The past few weeks, I've gotten home in the evening, or home from an afternoon walk, and tucked myself into bed, or dozed on the sofa, in front of the tv. Logan has not been home much the past few weeks, what with one performance run after another. He's been designing lighting, rigging lights and running them during the shows. By the time he gets hom, all he wants is a shower and his bed. Poor thing has been exhausted. So, Sam has been living on left
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The Chapman Clan

Saturday was intended to be one of those days that was to do nothing. We ended up going out to see friends that afternoon. We had a good time, talkinmg and watching movies, and got back about 12:30. Neither of us stayed up any longer, and turned in for the night.   I was supposed to go to church on Sunday and to a Sunday School teacher's meeting, but I woke up with a horrible headache. I took 2 tylenol and went back to bed. Sam's mother called the house afound 1:45 and said she missed me at ch
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