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About this blog

If I could have an open conversation with someone, this is what I would say.

Entries in this blog

Here we go again.

Another day of sitting here wondering what on earth is going on. I went through four wonderful days of hardly any headaches, had my balance and was even able to speak with someone about a possible job even though they knew fully of my current issues and they are still interested.   Then, it all comes crashing down again. the shakes, the loss of balance, the disorientation, the confusion, cant hold a cup of coffee and then going back into that valley of depressesion. I read these posts and w

FrederickRico

FrederickRico

I think I need a hug

In the last few days have had another MRI, seen a psychiatrist, a mental health counselor and a neuropsychologist. The psych changed my meds to something she says is more in line with what is going on and is getting me weaned off the cocktail the former neurologist had me on. She also sent me to a neuropsychologist for cognitive testing and after speaking with him I feel better that maybe someone is beginning to listen to me. I had an ssi telephone apt today that I got the time wrong on (more

FrederickRico

FrederickRico

Another day of hiding for everyone elses sake.

Here I go again, whine whine whine. The weekend was an incredible challenge, everything from too many bills and not enough money to my 16 yr old step daughter screaming at her mother, my wife, that she is a real bitch. I tried to give support to my wife, but with everything going on I think she is having a very difficult time seeing anything positive. Sometimes I wonder if I should just leave her and the girls here in maryland and return to arizona where I am from. Havent lived there in 22 y

FrederickRico

FrederickRico

Great another wonderful diagnosis

Good morning   first let me apoligize because it seems like all i do is whine, but here it goes again. had appointments with the neurosurgeon and neurologist yesterday. Neurosurgeon has discovered a Chiari Malformation in my skull which is impacting the flow of the spinal fluid and "compressing" my brain. she feels it is the cause of the worsening of my deficiencies and wants to get it taken care of right away which involves surgery to releive the pressure. This would probably alleviate th

FrederickRico

FrederickRico

Another day, another struggle

Good morning y'all.   Trying not to feel down today as I was contacted about a possible job yesterday but when I explained the deficiencies that I suffer from due to the stroke, the conversation ended. I dont feel surprised, just sad. Not sad about the job, but sad because in a moment of weakness I called my wife to tell her about the opportunity and she, who has been very supportive and still is, got a little sad because before the stroke, we had been planning on her leaving her job to fini

FrederickRico

FrederickRico

do i tell my professional association about what happened?

Wow, after everything that has happened with the stroke and losing my job because I cant do the "math", now I get an email from someone who has learned that I am not working and wants to hire me. How wonderful (get the sarcasm) this man wants who I used to be. I told my wife about it and she is very worried that the same thing will happen, that i get the job and then will lose it because I cant do the calculations or will mess up the numbers again. What do I do at this point? Do I make it k

FrederickRico

FrederickRico

I wish you all a Happy Easter

My wife and I have to go pick up her girls today as they had spent the last week for spring break with their grandparents. I am not looking forward to this but I will put on a brave face as it is important to my wife. I will make today a good day, that is my goal. As many of you have said, one day at a time.   Happy Easter.

FrederickRico

FrederickRico

My God I why hast thou foresaken me......

Saturday morning, spent the last hour trying to do the calculations I used to be able to do, the only sums I came up with were frustration. I cant even put together a solataire game on the computer. How on earth does this happen. No answers yet, people still trying to come up with the proper therapy but of course appointments are few and far between. Sometimes I wonder if they focus more on folks, survivors who have a better chance of "healing". What do I have to do, go back to grade school

FrederickRico

FrederickRico

I miss me

i want me back, i want to work again, i want to tie my shoes without having to sing a song to myself, i want to remember how to speak spanish. i dont want to feel worthless anymore, i am tired of seeing doctors every other day. sigh

FrederickRico

FrederickRico

A day of running around and disappointments

Wow, went back to re-read the entry and relized that several mistakes that I swear i didnt see when I typed it. The statement should have read that "I try to be grateful" not that I try not to be grateul, but I guess thats why i lost my job, these types of things.     Okay Rico, its been along day, running back and forth to the neurologist, PCP and the hospital in order to get records, xrays and ct scans. Felt pretty dumb when the new doc asked to do the walk feel to toe thing and couldnt

FrederickRico

FrederickRico