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Mud mud and more mud



Dan is showing improvement. He's holding his back and head up now, not much, but for him a big improvement. I've felt a little optimistic this last week. I still don't know if he'll be home or not. There's a long way to go before he can stand and pivot like he did before. He's so fragile.


We had so much rain during April that the yard was too wet for landscaping and grass seed. We finally had several dry days so the landscaping and grass seed finally got done. Just as I feard, the weather has been hot and dry. We've had a week of 90 degree weather and no rain. The information I received said I should water the lawn twice a day...right...it took me 5 hours spread out over two days to water everything. Then I researched watering grass seed and found out that I over watered it. Muddy yard again. Dan's sprinklers leave a lot to be desired and the hoses all leak. Yesterday I went to Lowe's and bought a new sprinkler and hose reel. I'm pricing garden hose.


Last night we had a thunderstorm with lots of wind and lots of rain. The stupid straw blew all over the place. This morning I was out raking straw back over the mud that is my yard. I'd rake, cry, and repeat again until finally I said to heck with it. Actually my wording was a little stronger than "heck". I even spent a few minutes cursing Dan because he wasn't there to do the raking, watering, and eventual weeding. Then I spent some time missing the life we had. Dan working in the yard, me cooking dinner, doing the laundry, and baking bread.


The last two weeks my days have been spent going to the facility to visit and make sure they're doing what they need to do. For the most part they are; however, it's still a facility and not perfect. Over the last two years I have learned that as long as what they're doing (or not doing) doesn't immediately threaten his life then it's nothing to jump up and down over and scream. I document what's going on, especially on the weekends, and then talk to the Unit Manager. I'm starting to feel comfortable with the facility. How I pray that he doesn't get sick again.


Today I took him KFC fried chicken. He pouted and complained because I didn't bring him gizzards (yuck) or BBQ. I know he's feeling better because he's starting to complain. He's so incredibly negative that yesterday I told him that for every negative thing he said he needs to say one positive thing. After complaining about his lunch he thought for a bit and said "on the positive side, I didn't throw up". What can I say??? He still makes me laugh.


I miss him but I don't miss the cargiving lifting, cooking, planning, incontinence, etc. I'm still his cargiver but my role in caregiving has changed from doing to monitoring and worrying. I straighten his room every day, empty cups of juice that have been sitting there all day, washing the bedside table, talk to rehab, nurses, aides, trying to be nice when I have to explain to an aide that he should have his dentures in his mouth before meals...duh.


Last week was week 1 of my "Take Care of Me" campaign. I got my hair cut, nails done, and met a friend for lunch. This week I'm going to the dentist and I think I'm going shopping for some summer clothes. My goal is to start sewing again and maybe go to a movie.


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MaryJo: good news. I am so glad Dan is making progress. It has been such a long haul for both of you. But you are right when the complaints start, healing is well on it s way-lol. You are right in not pushing. Pay attention, point out problems, but keep him there and working with the therapists until you are certain you are safe at home.


Grass: a page from the Bruce Sparks school of lawns-lol. Grass is a cool weather plant. It likes wet. It was not designed for areas that are arid, dry, warm. And if you choose to put it in, it requires much work. We have a one acre lot, most of it grass, and we live in NE. So, mostly grass is OK here. All fine and dandy when you have two people managing this size lot. Not so good with just me. I did the preseason weed and feed, the mole-insect stuff. After that, I may throw some water on it when we get dry, but that is it. Front lawn is under large maples and now the ramp. I am considering a low maintenance ground cover, since you can't mow moss anyway. Then I had the bug guys come in and spray: termites, ants, anything wood boring. That is a twice a year contract and that is fine=house will continue to stand.


I have landscaper coming in next week: trees down and/or pruned-cut down on fall leaves, open up yard, bushes that I hate and will not trim taken out. By next Spring, maintenance should be enough for one person at a minimum. Best, Debbie

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MaryJO, we have a small lot and I get a lawn mowing man in, three weekly in summer (wet weather) every four weeks in winter (cold weather, no frost or snow). The winter mowing is to keep weeds from taking over the lawn.


I am glad Dan is progressing but wonder if home will be a possibility in the future. I am facing in the other direction, wondering how long being home will be possible for Ray. With another possible stroke on 30th May Ray has again changed a lot and my thoughts are that we will cope with this one after a few adjustments provided I can stay strong.


Girlie things like haircuts, massages etc are currently in a holding pattern...lol.



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Having a spouse in a nursing facility is often just as hard as having him at home only the work is less physical. So it does take extra planning to make sure we do things for ourselves. I know I thought that I would have all sorts of free time when my husband went into a home. With the household work all to be done alone plus driving to and from the facility and the hours working with the staff a year later and I am still having to make sure I have time for my own physical therapy. I love your "Take Care of Me" campaign.


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