Dan is showing improvement. He's holding his back and head up now, not much, but for him a big improvement. I've felt a little optimistic this last week. I still don't know if he'll be home or not. There's a long way to go before he can stand and pivot like he did before. He's so fragile.

We had so much rain during April that the yard was too wet for landscaping and grass seed. We finally had several dry days so the landscaping and grass seed finally got done. Just as I feard, the weather has been hot and dry. We've had a week of 90 degree weather and no rain. The information I received said I should water the lawn twice a day...right...it took me 5 hours spread out over two days to water everything. Then I researched watering grass seed and found out that I over watered it. Muddy yard again. Dan's sprinklers leave a lot to be desired and the hoses all leak. Yesterday I went to Lowe's and bought a new sprinkler and hose reel. I'm pricing garden hose.

Last night we had a thunderstorm with lots of wind and lots of rain. The stupid straw blew all over the place. This morning I was out raking straw back over the mud that is my yard. I'd rake, cry, and repeat again until finally I said to heck with it. Actually my wording was a little stronger than "heck". I even spent a few minutes cursing Dan because he wasn't there to do the raking, watering, and eventual weeding. Then I spent some time missing the life we had. Dan working in the yard, me cooking dinner, doing the laundry, and baking bread.

The last two weeks my days have been spent going to the facility to visit and make sure they're doing what they need to do. For the most part they are; however, it's still a facility and not perfect. Over the last two years I have learned that as long as what they're doing (or not doing) doesn't immediately threaten his life then it's nothing to jump up and down over and scream. I document what's going on, especially on the weekends, and then talk to the Unit Manager. I'm starting to feel comfortable with the facility. How I pray that he doesn't get sick again.

Today I took him KFC fried chicken. He pouted and complained because I didn't bring him gizzards (yuck) or BBQ. I know he's feeling better because he's starting to complain. He's so incredibly negative that yesterday I told him that for every negative thing he said he needs to say one positive thing. After complaining about his lunch he thought for a bit and said "on the positive side, I didn't throw up". What can I say??? He still makes me laugh.

I miss him but I don't miss the cargiving lifting, cooking, planning, incontinence, etc. I'm still his cargiver but my role in caregiving has changed from doing to monitoring and worrying. I straighten his room every day, empty cups of juice that have been sitting there all day, washing the bedside table, talk to rehab, nurses, aides, trying to be nice when I have to explain to an aide that he should have his dentures in his mouth before meals...duh.

Last week was week 1 of my "Take Care of Me" campaign. I got my hair cut, nails done, and met a friend for lunch. This week I'm going to the dentist and I think I'm going shopping for some summer clothes. My goal is to start sewing again and maybe go to a movie.