kelly i feel the same as you do i can t drive , so my husband takes me on the weekends to do my errands .he says he doesn t mind taking me but i feel im just, squeezed in... to do them. patty

Kelli and Patty, early in my married life we had one car and it was HIS and HIS alone and asking to go shopping etc was such a bind. It always seemed such a chore for him. So I do know what it is like to be without a car and dependent on someone else.

So my suggestion is if anyone asks if there is anything you would like make taking you out for coffee or shopping a top priority. I am sure someone will ask and if not suggest to your closer friends that it would please you to be able to get out a bit more.

Also make the most of any outdoor area, sit in the sun, drink a coffee, talk on the phone, just spending time outside drives that stir-crazy feeling away for me.

Sue.

Kelly: I do so understand that you are just trying to help out, pull your own weight, so to speak. I watch Bruce also do that here. Yes, it is faster and easier if I just do it myself, but that does not help with Bruce's recovery.

I can not imagine having to do this caregiver job and work full time as well. I work part time, at Bruce's end of day, allowing for him to be included in all the household stuff here, his work and pool. I do understand your need to get out. Bruce will go anywhere just to get out of the house.

I agree with Sue, maybe a friend or family member could take you a day a week. We have a Senior Center and they volunteer just for that. Also a local van, at $2.00 a trip to and from our local grocery store, but you have to be able to get on and off the van yourself. It does accomodate a WC, but you have to be able to maneuver your WC onto the ramp and off. And then there is the issue of working the grocery store from a WC. Bruce can do it and gets lots of help from staff, but basically he is on his own. Of course, I am always there, but it is one step further to independence.

Maybe your husband could give you one lunch hour a week and that would free him up at night. Best, Debbie

I too had the same problems with my husband before I could drive. One of the things that we did was set up the schedule so he knew that every Sunday we went grocery shopping. But he also knew every Friday night was his time. He was into slot car racing so every Friday night he went to slot car track from six o'clock to midnight. We always set up the menu for the week so that I could have leftovers to just warm up in the microwave on Friday nights as he would not have time to fix me something before he left. He ate his Friday night dinner at the track as they ordered in food every Friday. Of course they are always things that come up that can't wait until Sunday but luckily I had my dad and my sister to ask. Get yourself a routine for doing just about everything that makes it easier and you don't forget to do stuff. Above all talk to your husband at a time when he's not exhausted the tell him how you feel and listen to how he feels. Brainstorme together on how to make things better. If you're asking him to do stuff when he's exhausted he's going to be cranky just know that he's cranky because he's exhausted not because he's angry with you. We sit down on Saturday and plan our meals for the next week (Sunday through Saturday) we then create a grocery list based on that menu so most of the time only one trip grocery store per week is needed. Another thing we do is we keep a notepad side of the refrigerator to write down things that we need from the grocery store as they come up during the week that way things don't get missed or forgot. Like your husband mine felt it was easier for him to do it by himself until I explained to him why it was important for me to go with him shopping or to help fix the meals. Once he understood where I was coming from it was easier for both of us. I have a refrigerator magnet that says "alone we can do so little, but together we can do so much". It was easier for my husband to do stuff on the days he was tired when he knew he could look forward to his night. I never ask him to do stuff on that night. If for some reason the slot car track was not open it was still his night to do what he wanted to do whether it was watch TV or work on his cars downstairs I did not bother him. He also hired my dad's neighbor's kid to shovel our snow and cut our grass, this made life easier for my husband which which in turn made life easier for me. Once we stopped trying to make things as they were before and started doing what made sense for now it was easier for both of us.

Sheryl, you made a lot of sense in your reply. I think you should copy it into a blog or a post as it made clear how cooperating can make life so much easier for the stroke survivor and the caregiver.

Sue.