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its good to be shielded by loving caregivers in your time of need



I know I am very lucky to be married to the great guy who has amazing inner strength to remain calm in the middle of storm. I am really glad that it was me who suffered stroke & he needed to be strong for me. just yesterday found out something new from him about my stroke survivor journey. I was telling him stories I read here where doctors won't give hope of recovery to patient or their family. I was telling him I was so lucky to have great doctors who never took away that hope from me. he was like you were shielded by us in your hospital stay cause doctors never gave any hopes of great recovery to my family members, I guess that's the reason mom was crying all the time while she was there & I hated her for that. but my family chose not to believe doctors & pass that information to me, I am so greatful for that, in the begining my family always told me I will be normal again. My hubby told me he had dream of me doing dance just like old times with him & ofcourse I believed him. I guess thats the difference between east & west where in east patient is shielded from all medical information so that he can have hope & able to live life to fullest in coming months & years. where as in west patient is made aware of its prognosis however dire & sad it is & take away that last bit of hope from him so that patient gives up & don't fight for his life. looking at my journey I feel what my family did for me was the best thing cause at that time in my life just having my old life back was the only thing I wanted, I was not ready for my new life & new normal. It took time, but slowly I accepted my post stroke life. I have realized my life post stroke is just different not good or bad, its just different. and being different does not mean I am not happy as before, actually I feel I am more happy &being able to stay in present & enjoy my life with things I deeply cared about. I care about my family & close friends & I am lucky to be still surrounded by them & enjoying & appreciating my time with them. had they told me my bleak prognosis would I have had strength to fight on at that time, I don't think so, I m glad they kept my hope alive at the time to hang on to realize later on that my different new normal is still great & more meaningful than ever before even after 20 years of marriage I learn something new about him & love him all the more for that.




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Asha: our thinking here came from Patients with fatal diagnoses not being told. A lot of it was family was "ashamed" and chose not to share with anyone. Keeping stuff close to the breast. A lot of our parents are like that. Us Boomers, however, we are a different breed. The medical community has responded by insisting on telling the patient everything, however, will not go out on a limb, fearing litigation.


My thought as a Nurse has always been to give the Patient his/her prognosis, but why take "hope" away? There is always hope. I too shielded Bruce, but not from his Neuro, who from hour one said "he is going to make it through this."


I see nothing wrong with telling a Patient that recovery will be difficult and long. Future planning must be put in place at this point and once done, live every day to its fullest. Make choices based on your own comfort zone and when you have had enough, tell your friends and family.


Congratulations to your husband and family, who knew this and took it in stride. One day at a time. Best, Debbie

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oh asha that is so tru about having a strong family support and having the support of your doctor who instills in you hope hope is the best thing that you have to lean on in times of need and having a very supportive husnand like you have asha we are both very lucky to have the support that we both have your friend lenny

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