First I just want to thank everyone for all of your support. I needed it. I am not going to talk about the past because this blog entry is not for complaining! Im writing because I have decided to try again and I need support. My doctors don't believe in me, my occupational therapist doesn't believe in me, and my family probably feels dumb for ever giving me false hope. (Please read my post about "it will come back" under the community discussion for stroke survivor and caregiver if you haven't already.)

Well tonight I talked to someone who believes in me and her name is Kathy Spencer! She gave me the boost I needed and I am so grateful I found out about her in the stroke survivor support forum. See, lately my entire body has been sore. I sit at my office for 9 hours including lunch so by the time I come home, my shoulder is tight, wrist it sore and fingers clinched from freezing in the cold office, and my whole left leg is sore from sitting all day and ankle sore from walking in lose dress shoes. I used to think my left side was just going to start moving, then I thought it would be great just to get rid of the tone and appear normal, then I gave up on getting the left side back nd just focused on what I could do with my good side. But more and more my good side is turning into my weak side. Everyday my unaffected right arm is sore and tired from doing everything with it. My legs are sore and cold so I come home and lay down only to realize it hurts my back to lay in any position. One day my left leg is sore and the next day my right hip is sore. I haven't gone for a walk all this week for fear of overusing my right side even more in an attemt to exercise my left side. Now getting the use of my left side back isn't just a hope or a wish. It is a necessity. I wish I could conquer my left neglect by putting my good arm behind my back but I simply do not have enough function in my hand so that would certainly be more frustrating than helpful. It is a lose lose situation but I have decided to work on my left side. I say lose/lose because overusing my right side takes all of my energy already then using my right arm to exercise my left hand takes twice as much energy. The other day my whole thumb nail bent back on my right hand when it slipped while using all of my energy to push my left wrist down enough to strap on the splint. I decided to open this blog back up because I do need support in this journey. There are a few things I plan to do and plan to start doing to get my left back

1. 
    
   
2. Wear my splint every night (Have been trying this all week. Please pray that I can just make it through one night keeping the splint on my hand).
   
3. Utilize the strength in my arm by doing the beach ball exercise from Kathy's video
   
4. Remember to straighten my arm to my side when I walk (This has been working good for me when I take short bathroom breaks during work walking at a steady pace or when I take my walks around the neighborhood and wear my splint. I just have to work to remember when Im walking around at home which is harder because I don't have the same urgerncy to make my arm look normal since there is no one in my house.)
   
5. Contact my doctor for more botox even though it is painful and may not work. (My appointment is Oct. 3)
   
6. Contact bioness about Ness H300. (Already did)
   
7. Read the Roadmap to Recovery again (I bought the book this time. I love its concept that it's never too late to recover and that is the motivation I need with so much negativity around me and my own doubts)
   
8. Most of all, spend way more time exercising. I spend countless hours on the computer. My entire 8-hour work day is spent with my hand either on the mouse or keyboard. Then I come home, lay down, and type away at my laptop. I believe if I used this time to massage and stretch my hand, it would be way more beneficial. Only problem is fatigue and overusing my right hand.

Please pray for me! Pray for my strength in my good side as well as my bad. Lets hope I get evaluated for the Ness300 and hope I qualify for it. This blog is for progressing not complaining so please support me as I try my bed to stay positive!