• entries
    62
  • comments
    219
  • views
    28,015

The Good and the Bad of a Less than Good Week


RLT

1,228 views

My daughter took me to see Dick tonight. I hadn’t seen him in a week and missed him badly. Today I had gone through some of his clothes still in my closet and cried. I missed my old friend so much and I missed my current love as well. I was so thankful for that few minutes to hug him, hold him and get him to bed.

 

I have spent the last four days in the hospital (here we go again). I finally just couldn’t take that anymore and said I needed to get home. So the issues are still not cleared up but after four hospitalizations last go around I managed to get better so I figure I will again. Plus I learned just how much I want to be with Dick just as he is.

 

Unfortunately this unplanned diversion means that this week’s meeting with the nursing home and ombudsman had to be postponed another week. I have called the home daily to get a report on Dick’s condition and his spirits. I got glowing reports that said he was doing well and had been very cooperative and positive. They were not expecting me to visit tonight after my call earlier today so when I got there, Dick was sitting AGAIN in a puddle of pee. And nope, he hadn’t been showered. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

However, I did have one positive thing happen when I was hospitalized. I spent a long time talking to a CNA who not only has worked at the home Dick is in but also many of the others in the area. Her insights were extremely helpful and she gave me some ideas on what other homes in the area are like from an aide’s perspective. She has been doing this for a long time and her care for me was quite good. So, I feel that her opinion on the subject was pretty reliable.

 

Bottom line is that unless I want to travel daily for 45 minutes or an hour to visit Dick there is no other home to move him to. Unfortunately most of the nursing facilities in close proximity are no longer accepting long-term patients. They have all been shifting to rehabilitation care. So either I make things work where Dick is or I must bring him home.

 

Yeah, bring him home. How can I even think about that when I am requiring someone to care for me right now? It feels like a no win situation. If I were just two years older I guess we could both move into the little apartments next to the senior center which provide limited assisted living. But that is not an option yet. Wish they would average our ages!!

 

Still, I cannot feel too down tonight because I do still have my Dick with me. And even with the dementia and aphasia he beckoned his aide into the room tonight and with beaming face said, “This is my wife. This is my wife.” Always wished I could purr!

6 Comments


Recommended Comments

My prayers to Dick and you to stay close and watch over the home caring for him. They don't appear to be the best around so checking in on his conditions will help them render better care! If it continues call the state board of health and report them by names when you arrived.

 

My moms sister was in a facility bed with ants crawling all over her and the bed. I called the board of health and they got that place straighten out in hours after my call plus giving them a demerit certificate to boot. We had to remove her from that facility cause two people were fired and others were very mad at me for reporting them.

Link to comment

Nursing homes need surprise visits. I am so sorry to hear that they are still not doing all that they should to take care of Dick.

 

I know that this is hard. It is difficult to have your loved one in the hands of others. They just do not care enough.

 

I do hope that you better. It was wonderful that he was able to tell others that you were his wife. He was so proud. good for Dick.

 

Ruth

Link to comment

Oh Ruth: you are just so sad right now. Not feeling well, not being able to visit Dick. Just a low spot honey, things will get better. Big hugs!

 

Please keep in mind that if both of you are in assisted-living, no matter how close the Senior Center is, he is still mainly your priority and in your care.

 

We have a nice arrangement at the Rehab Bruce was in: SNF but assisted-living and just adult (over 55) condos. Nice thing is they are on the same campus. Lots of couples are split, but Management makes sure the SNF patients are brought to their spouses in the communal dining, recreational areas. Plus there is a clinic for minor stuff and they offer free transportation for all members of their community. I took the brochure-one never knows.

 

Take some time to rest and recoup. Nothing like being back home. And the tips you received from the CNA will come in handy when you are up to facing Management, yet again, at Dick's SNF. One other thing to consider is full time help at home if you really decide that you are bringing Dick home. You'd have to work out the time logistics as to his main care and what works best for you: Time out of bed, shower, dress, time back to bed, etc. You know the drill. For now, concentrate on feeling better and stronger. Thinking of and praying for you both. Debbie

Link to comment

I am a bit concerned that my reports to the state may cause Dick to lose the bed he is in. But then I don't particularly want him in that facility. A 55+ place would be a nice compromise I think but again it is either too expensive or I am not able to get in. I still have a follow up appointment with the ombudsman next week so I still have a little hope things can be worked out. Ruth

Link to comment

Ruth: there should be no recourse against Dick from the SNF, but again they can send him off to the hospital and if he is admitted, even for just 24 hours, they can refuse to take him back; so yes there are ways around it. Our 55+ here start around 300,000. Yes they are beautiful and layouts are just so wonderful. No banging into walls, or small doorways, garage right off the kitchen, no steps. My Aunt is in one-650,000, absolutely perfect. Like you I am looking into them and want to be able to sell the house and buy one for the same price, so no capital gains (I'm over 55).

 

So hope you are feeling better and getting back into routine. Thinking of you, Debbie

Link to comment

Ruth, I can feel so much for you. I am happy enough with where Ray is now to consider leaving him there but as you say, finding him in a wet diaper and for me finding the thickened drink on the side out of his reach are two of my pet hates now. The kids wonder why I am there most days but it is to make sure in my own mind that he is "safe".

 

You need to be well too so make that your priority for now. You can better plead his case when you are better.

 

Just a thought from what I heard from another SNF - find out if they have a "three a day" policy on changes, you may need to provide his pads so they can change him whenever he needs to be changed.

 

Sue.

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.