hey Kim:

welcome back, you came after long time, I am so happy to see your blog & I m so happy you met somebody to share your life dreams & pain with. I am sure chris will be so much happy to see you happy. I am also happy that your brother is doing well after his stroke. hope to see you more often on the board.

Asha

Kim: I am glad you have chosen to blog. While I don't have a relationship with you, seems you have chosen a good time to rejoin us. So many here of late, are experiencing great losses: having to change our relationships with our survivors, making some very tough choice and facing the end of life decisions that many caregivers have to face. So you will be a warm welcome and of much assistance to all of us.

You have a bit of distance on all of this, have spent time redefining yourself, finding out who you are and for many of us here, can shed some light on how to cope, adjust. Thank you for stopping in and please do not be a stranger. We need you!

It must be a very frightening and emotionally challenging to move away from the caregiver role and redefining yourself. My Dad died when he was 55. My Mom spent years trying to figure out who she was. Her babies were only 15 at the time and once then were out of the house, she revealed in her family but also spent many years trying to figure out who "Marian" was. I remind myself everyday that I am my Mother's daughter and I am afraid of nothing! Calm your heart. Listen to Chris's voice and in that I know you will find peace. Welcome back, Debbie

Kim, welcome back. I remember you from four years ago and the way you took care of Chris. Like all caregiving it was at times a hard job and you did it well.

As Debbie said we have all moved on and if you read old friends' blogs you will see that. Time and tide....

I'm glad you have a new relationship but sad you have some feelings of guilt about that. You need to find some way to release yourself, for some it is a visit to the resting place and a conversation about the new partner, a visit to the church or chapel, or some place you used to consider yours. I've known people throw flowers into the sea at their favourite holiday spot or write a poem and pin it to a tree, I am sure you can figure out what to do. Ritual is a part of our farewelling and you need to leave guilt, grief and the sense of loss behind at some point.

Welcome back (((hugs))) from Sue.

All of the emotions you have expressed in your post,

all of the emotions you say you are experiencing

sound right and good, NORMAL!

I think you are doing fine!

Rachel

Wishing you the best of luck moving forward with healing and reconnecting with your brother. It sounds as though your feelings are a normal part of the process and I hope that you can get past the issues you struggle with and start a new wonderful chapter in your life. Chris will always be with you in your heart.