Seems like ever since I came home from having the heart catherazation, I been doing a lot of thinking and realizing that life for me has once more changed. I recokon that life changes are just another part of the circle of life.

First change was when Rose was born with a double aortic arch, which was corrected before she was a year old. Her pediatrician would not allow day care and at the time Kitty made more money than I did so I came home and learned all about what you stay home moms already new. It has been one of the hardest jobs out there, (just get another man to admit that lol).

Then came Kitty's stroke causing change again as I had to learn to be a bit of a nurse maid. At first unlike some you fellow caregivers it was rather easy. I had caring duties, but Kitty at first was able stay in her wheel chair, move around the house and do some chores. I don't know how many of you are familar with diabetic neropothy, (forgive the spelling). I have learned through Kitty it is a very painful diesease with no cure. For Kitty the pain from the neropothy added to the results of the stroke, she stays in the bed most of the time where she seems to beable to tolerate the pain till we can get her into a pain clinic and get her pain meds going. The change has been slowly coming but more and more chores and care feel on my shoulders.

These life changes I easily accepted. The change that has been the hardest to accept is my getting sick and went down. Also coming to grips accepting that I am no longer the spring chicken I once was. The hardest part is accepting what the doctors have diagnosed that some how I have been blessed, as Fred posted in his last blog, to be a survivor of a silent heart attack. The one from what I have reasearched and understand can be the killer stroke. Guess God decided I was still need here like our survivors for some unfinished business.

Guess while I was in the hospital having the heart catherazation and a non stress stress test I had time to think. Since I have been home from the first round, and I find a little me time the thinking has continued. I have been feeling since I got home that I had changed mentally. I have been feeling more caring about my care giving duties, but have been keeping the thought to myself till this afternoon. I finally broke down and asked Kitty if it appeared I had change and not having crazy thoughts. Well she confirmed my belief that I had changed into a more loving and caring person.

Guess what really helped me to finally accept the change is I went back in time and googled an old prayer that became popular some years ago. I am sure we have all heard of

THE SERENITY PRAYER. I could remember what it said, but couldn't remember the exact wording so I googled and found it. I not only reread it, but I also wrote down on some paper. I learned from my search there is a second verse to it that I had no idea existed. To me the second part is more powerful than the first we saw posted on posters and Plaques. For the last several nights during my little bit of me time, I have thought about the words and I have finally come to accept that life for me personally has changed.

I just wonder what kind of changes will come after the implant the defibulator and I heal and adjust to what I am sure will be another life change event for me. It ought to be an interesting journey that I am a little anxious and scared at the same time to get started.

For those who don't remember or know the Serenity Prayer I suggest goggling it and read it. May help you on this road of change we are all on.