I think you and I are in the same boat. We will find our way, and emotions are still raw sometimes but those will even out too.

One of my grand daughters is five and she wanted to count to 100 this weekend. I helped her and the counted to two hundred for her. She looked at me like I performed a miracle and said 'wow! Nanna! I didnt know you were smart! (gee thanks kid) Your brain works good!' I can tell yours does too.

It might be a little frazzled right now but I can see your brain isn't broke.

Jamie

leese:

I know how you feel, I felt same way first 2 years right after my stroke since there was no point in gettinh up & doing anything. what I realised minute I started having routine in my life I look forward to even my laundry & exercise days. just remember you survived for a reason & not as a punishment. for me blogging & chatting with oother survivors also helped me deal with my new normal quicker

Asha

Jamie, have you managed enthusiasm? I seem to be exempt from that since my stroke. I just wonder if I'll ever get the highs of feeling passionate about anything again.One of life's bonuses, to me, is the feeling of awe, peak experiences,jouissance, or whatever term you want to use to describe being overwhelmed by the beauty of a concept, sound, visual or other sensory input. It's just another thing I've noticed that is gone. 5 year old granddaughter, lucky you. That's a wonderful age. Thanks for the not broke vote. I know what I have to do to try fix the physical deficits and even the cognitive deficits have ways I can work on them, but the emotional ones have me perplexed. How do you practice emotions? How can you wring out chemicals to bathe your brain to feel certain things? I seem to have enough serotonin and other feel good chemicals so as not to be clinically depressed, but no spikes to provide more than well being. I suppose now that I've articulated the problem, I can look for an answer. Talking helps. Thank you.

leese:

 

I know how you feel, I felt same way first 2 years right after my stroke since there was no point in gettinh up & doing anything. what I realised minute I started having routine in my life I look forward to even my laundry & exercise days. just remember you survived for a reason & not as a punishment. for me blogging & chatting with oother survivors also helped me deal with my new normal quicker

 

Asha

I can look forward to stuff and I'm generally pleased with simple acomplishments. Just not feeling the really great stuff. No really good laughs, no swooning over a poem or song...no obsessive focus or absorbation in anything. I dunno about a reason for being here or punishment for that matter, but I'm glad I made it. Lucky for this community that you found helping on here a recovery aid.

Jamie, have you managed enthusiasm? I seem to be exempt from that since my stroke. I just wonder if I'll ever get the highs of feeling passionate about anything again.One of life's bonuses, to me, is the feeling of awe, peak experiences,jouissance, or whatever term you want to use to describe being overwhelmed by the beauty of a concept, sound, visual or other sensory input. It's just another thing I've noticed that is gone. 5 year old granddaughter, lucky you. That's a wonderful age. Thanks for the not broke vote. I know what I have to do to try fix the physical deficits and even the cognitive deficits have ways I can work on them, but the emotional ones have me perplexed. How do you practice emotions? How can you wring out chemicals to bathe your brain to feel certain things? I seem to have enough serotonin and other feel good chemicals so as not to be clinically depressed, but no spikes to provide more than well being. I suppose now that I've articulated the problem, I can look for an answer. Talking helps. Thank you.

Sweetie, in all honesty I am not even one year since my last stroke and I am finding passion coming back but like I said, to be honest, it is fleeting. I get the passion over my grand daughters but it is short-lived and then I feel bad because they wear me out and I want to run. But I did notice it is getting better and I last longer with them. I too have a harder time with noticing how much harder writing and singing is--those things that made me personally proud. Add to that all the 'voices' from the past who ridicule me for not being perfect--I bet you had at least one of those--most of us perfectionists did.

The emotions have been harder for me than any of the physical stuff. No matter how many times some wise and kind people tell me something I know is true, I can;t make it 'mine' because right now it doesn't ring true 'for me' anymore.

Its coming back to me, and I am not doing anything really to bring it back. It will come to you too. I hate to say this because I hate to hear it, but I think it will take some time.

((((((((((((Leese))))))))))))

Jamie

Thanks, Jamie, It's heartening to hear you're getting the highs back. I won't add all the cavats... different strokes, blah,blah,blah... they don't matter; it's just good to hear that if something like that was gone, it CAN return. That's all that matters to me at times; the possibilities. Optimism keeps me aloft.