November 23, 2011

It’s been a month this evening since Jerry’s passing. It seems to have moved at a snail’s pace, but, then again, I can see the difference in my strength both physical and emotional. I can thank God for it all; I take no credit except doing what I call the footwork. A week ago I wanted to give up. I don’t know how I made it through the first week, the memorial and the numerous forms, agencies, case workers, etc. They just piled up on each other until I thought I was going nuts. During this time, I was forced to deal with what was put in front of me and let my own recovery take a back seat. All of a sudden the last couple weeks I have worked in some physical therapy, prayed harder to God and asked him to please help me become more positive again and I am now seeing some positive changes. I am stronger and as of last night started staying alone after 6:00pm until 9:30am.

Last week I would have cried if anyone mentioned “thanksgiving”. But now I have a good plan. A close friend who has helped me through the last month is also alone and she is coming over to my house and to spend the day with me. I’ve ordered two Thanksgiving plates from my club that she will pick up and we can eat when we want. We also plan to watch movies.

I’m able to get in and out of bed by myself, dress myself but still need help. I have two dr. appts out of the way and next week I am going to see a therapist to sort out a few things which are running around in my head even though I have shared with a couple of my best friends. One thing I realized is that even though Jerry was a good caregiver, he couldn’t cope with my stroke and everything that has gone with it. Therefore, when I was safe to leave alone, he usually went to our club to work out and also hang out, thus it was his escape. This left me alone a lot. I eventually got used to it and although I miss him immensely, my loneliness has been not that bad (at least for now).

I want to post this today so will write more later. I’m still trying to do too much in a day and get more tired than if I would rest in between chores. But at least I have made progress. More later. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Hugs, Leah