I am never up at this hour of the morning but my time table has been turned upside down. And there is so much on my mind. I finally decided to forget everything that needs to be done until the holidays were over. Well that time has come!

I dreaded the holidays this year. I was sick over Thanksgiving so the thought of having the entire family home for weeks over Christmas overwhelmed me. Fortunately the kids understood and everyone was gone by January 3rd. It is not that I don’t love having them all home there is just a limited amount of energy these days. The best parts of the holidays were the three days over Christmas and three days over New Years when I brought Dick home.

He loved being home and seeing all the kids together. But even better was the long periods when just he and I spent together. New Years had exhausted me so the last day Dick was home I could not move. I barely got him changed and the basics covered and back to bed we went. He seemed to need that extra napping as much as I did. When we were awake we talked of those little things that are only important to the two of us and just enjoyed being together. I guess it doesn’t sound like much but having gone through so much and him living in a nursing home changes the simple things into events of major importance.

This was to be my week to start working on our next phase of life. The rep from the MFP program called to set up an appointment to see about getting Dick moved back home. Problem was my father fell alongside the highway and was in the hospital the last three days. Of course I was the one who had to stay with him until 3:30 AM in the ER and then run back and forth to the hospital. One of these days I guess I need to learn to say “no” to him but hey, he’s my daddy.

When I get tired and run down like this, decision making becomes more difficult for me. Having Dick home emphasized the fact that I cannot care for him at home without extensive outside help. I wish that I could just feel comfortable with him living down the road but I don’t. Maybe I am dancing with a pipe dream to think I could bring him home but for now I am hoping. But then the decisions must be made that effect not just Dick and I. If I sell the house my youngest daughter and college girls have no “home base” for all their stuff. If I move downstate my aging parents can’t call for help. So that also means possibly moving them downstate too. They cannot live with me but possibly in the same neighborhood. Understand any move within Delaware is not a long distance move. I would love being closer to the ocean and in an area less populated. There are so many more handicap friendly communities down there as well. But my parents have lived up here since 1963 and don’t really want to even think of a move at all. So which generation gets cared for?!! Wish I was young enough to become a beach bum!! HA.

I have read all the blogs and would have loved to comment on them but since my laptop started having problems I use my phone most of the time. And you do not want to see what comes up when I try to type on that thing! I rejoice with those of you who have had such improvements and my heart goes out to those who struggle with the changes stroke has forced on their holidays. I’m sending each of you the best wishes for 2012.