Well here I am. Haven't written in a while, and it's the anniversary of my stroke so I figured it was about time. I finished outpatient rehab about a month ago, because my insurance ran out of sessions, and besides that, it was just time. I went to the best rehab, after the first hospital felt there was no more that they could do for me. The fact was that it was really small, the staff didn't have the updated education, and they just had no budget to buy new equipment. Howard County General, in comparison, was like a dream.

They immediately started me using my home e-stim unit, for my ankle, my knee (for strength), my shoulder and my wrist. I started six months ago with no voluntary movement, and now I can move my wrist up and down. They told me that research indicates that electrical stimulation is the #1 method of regaining lost movement. I was sad that I didn't use it the first six months. Especially since I could buy my home unit for $100. The other area that I noticed marked improvement was my shoulder flexion. I slowly began raising my arm higher, in a forward movement.

They also used an FES bike with me. It's like an regular arm bike set up with a computer, and they hook me up to 12 electrodes to help stimulate the muscles. I did 30 mins at a time. I can't really say if it helped, but it certainly didn't hurt. My balance has improved a ton, although it's hard for me to see the improvements. My walking is so much better-----no more hip hiking. I still wear my brace because of some foot drop, but it helps me walk so much bettter. It is a pain, because now I have to buy two pairs of shoes---one a size bigger than the other.

What my physical therapist ordered was a customized brace---got my doctor to order a script. They actually casted my foot up to my knee for a perfect fit. Cigna paid for it all......my therapist didn't know why my first therapist didn't order a customized AFO. I had to go back to the physiatrist twice after he gave it to me to get it adjusted, because it was grinding on my bone, and then because it was causing a callous. A bit of a pain, but worth it in the long run. It helped me walk a lot more normal, and supported my knee a lot more. I'm bummed out about not wearing dresses......but I guess I'll get over it.

My upper body-------well, I still can't use my hand independantly, but my arm has improved a lot. I slept with a wrist adjusted brace, which was to reduce my tone. I can raise my arm out to the side straight, bend my arm, do a bicep curl (ten in fact). I bought this amazing devise called the Saeboflex. I couldn't get it until I could move my wrist a certain amount, so that took three or four months of estim. Then she ordered it for me. It's considered a robotic devise, and I put it onto my arm. I see improvements every couple days. Especially in my arm range of motion and strength. I have these foam balls and a crate and I have to do the exercises daily. I can use my hand as an assist, and I still do regular OT home exercises.

So even though I'm done with therapy---I'm really not done with therapy. So I am looking to go back into the work world. I miss social work. I would prefer to do part-time, but I'll look for full-time because of insurance. I was approved for disability, but the insurance doesn't kick in until this time NEXT YEAR. The payments are coming, but there is a two-year wait for insurance. Blah! The system. So I run out of Cobra in June....it's best I start looking for a job.

So it's still up and down sometimes. I get depressed and cry, and then I don't really think about it. It could have been so much worse. And I'm very lucky. But I had a very happy holiday. I met someone who had a traumatic brain injury on disableddating.com, and he's so great. His injury was 8 years ago, so he's already been through all of this. He says watching me get better is like watching a miracle. I guess for outsiders it's very easy to see it that way.

So every day I wake up, and I try to keep a good outlook. And sometimes I just don't. And that's ok.