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And, a 'nother


leese

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I've been feeling so good lately that it's shown me clearly how bad I'd been feeling the bulk of the Winter. I'm 2.5 years post stroke and the first year was spent in blissful optimism, determination and unrealistic expectations. The second year was leaving behind the right hemisphere euphoria, struggling to figure out all the emotions and perceptions that were unfamiliar ground and realizing I couldn't entirely trust my own feelings to be accurate accounts of a situation. I had to learn to talk myself down from the emotional ledges I'd find myself on.Lots of other things in the realm of acceptance have occurred as well. Although,I have to define what I've accepted. I never once had a problem accepting the stroke...but I had a terrible time accepting that I needed help. That feeling of being vulnerable set off more alarms than I can go into. My life has a theme of not wanting to need help and taking great pride in doing things the hard way on my own. And while it really fueled my recovery in the first year;it's no longer beneficial in my life to the degree I took it.

 

I'm less fierce now, less offended by my vulnerability and dependence. I don't snap at my husband if he proffers an arm, opens a door or helps me on with my jacket. All the normal gentleman things that he did prestroke...but were off limits after the stroke with my much mimicked "I can do it" rebuff. Such a fine line our friends and family must walk in the aftermath of this stroke. They're damned if they help too much and damned if they don't mind-read or jump to the things we do want.I'm getting better about being disabled to the ever changing degree that I am and not needing to prove so much now. whew.

 

I got geographically lost this Winter. I met a friend at a planetarium show. Upon leaving the show, it was dark, it started snowing and my always bad sense of direction amplified by stroke, got me lost. After 30 minutes of increasingly unfamiliar landmarks; I pulled over. Prestroke, I would have pulled out the city map or stopped at a gas station and got myself sorted out. I was always accomplished at being lost. Post stroke; my reading glasses were no longer adequate to decipher the map and the ice between me and the door to the gas station might as well have been a 6 foot fence. That whole pride before a fall adage has new meaning for me now. So, I texted my husband and told him the landmarks and he came and led my car home, and there wasn't any teasing from him and I didn't get treated less competent or any of the other previously imagined consequences I'd been carrying around. I did what was safest under the circumstances and lost nothing but the chip on my shoulder. One emotional issue down; 6,743 left to go.

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Heh...One More time I think we're twins separated by birth! You're proving to be the smart one. (Yay! I get to be the pretty one!) :lol:

 

Jamie

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hey leese:

 

I was geographically challeged prestroke too & now post stroke GPS is my best friend & I feel smart lol.

 

Asha

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I am so glad you shared the blissfulness you felt the first year, that's how my Ray was too. Now just after the first anniversary, it's amazing to see him get his opininated personality back, glad to know it's not a fluke but actual recovery taking place. I did suspect as much, but didn't want to get my hopes up.

 

I don't think he'll ever be able to travel by himself though, so one less thing to worry about! For me, GPS does the trick in an emergency, good thing it's built into my cell phone.

 

And we too never wanted help before the stroke, never offered either, although when asked we were always there. Thought it was the way to be. Wonder if it would have changed anything in the long run though. I still keep up the front that we're fine on our own, still secretly hoping someone will leap in and read our minds.

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Jamie, Mom always liked me best, so there. ;)

 

Asha, I have new/real glasses and I'm starting to be able to figure out some of my tech stuff again. The GPS on my phone is on my list of mastering again...right after I figure out loading music on my ipod....again. I think I'll feel smart then too.

 

 

Stingray, - was Rays stroke in the right hemisphere? I'd read the euphoria thing was fairly common in damage on that side. Mine was and although my personality remained mostly intact, I was so positive about a best case scenario recovery that first year and was unable to grasp the longevity of the stroke effects and that my stroke wasn't some roadside motel I was going to check out of one day and leave behind as I tooled down the road in my 57 Chevy life with the top down and music blasting.

 

It's funny, huh, how self sufficiency and the pride of it is so ingrained in some people. I was always the doer and the caretaker in my little sphere of life. I thought that's the way it was supposed to be too. I'm glad Ray is coming back as you know him.

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