my kids to have been slowly widening the "divide" ... they are just trying to move on with their lives.. and it hurts my husband is the one who had the stroke but i am with him 24/7 .. so i am going through the same issues... they feel like i should move to town - i dont want to. yet... so they feel like if they leave me to all the work on the place then i can be forced to town.. bu no one makes me feel like dan had any thing other than a massive stroke. ( except for idiots who think after a year it should be all better) but in the family we all know haw severe it is... and its to bad no one wants to come and help with housework even if you pay them.. its sorta the same here, mom hire someone to take care of dad for awhile... no outsiders ( wellmeaning) have not worked in the past and dan has made some improvement and i will not jepordise it .. if a care taker was an option i would still be at work.... no solutions just some comiserating... you are not alone

hi Maxine :

you blog so rarely that I actually thought you are newbie. I am sorry you are going through rought time with your family. Not every one understands the stroke & its aftermath. you got to do what is right for you & not worry about what others say or think. in this life

s journey you will meet all kinds of people some sensitive, some not so. all we can do is make best lemonade possible. first few years are the hardest of all, but remind yourself you survived for a reason & not as punishment. start getting more active on this board like more blogging & joining our chats every day you will feel less alone. our chats are every day except on weekend afternoon 3-4 & evening 8-9 EST. hope to see you around.

Asha

Maxine: it is truly a matter of ignorance. If your daughter-in-law took the time to educate herself as to stroke and stroke recovery, this would not be an issue. I know she is thinking OK, we gave her a year, she is better now. Family needs to understand emotional ups and downs post stroke. She probably is thinking you are asking for attention,when it is completely the opposite.

Our Nancy and Jamie can give you simple explanations to this to help you explain to your son and daughter-in-law. Do message them if you need help. And this will improve with time but may not go away all together.

You can't fix this with her unless she is truly willing to understand stroke. I would expect that your son would be more supportive and open to learning and understanding. Maybe your husband could open up a dialogue with family for you.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry you are going through all this. It is so difficult when family starts backing off. Yes, they do have their own lives to attend to, but a phone call or an offer to take you to an appointment or shopping once in a while would help. Please go easy. Debbie

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REPLYS- THEY MADE ME FEEL BETTER...THRE IS SO MUCH THAT ALL YOU UNDERSTAND AND OTHERS DON'T...MY DAUGHTER IN LAWS SISTER IS A NURSE AND THINK THAT IS WHERE THE TOUGH LOVE THING STARTED FROM.....WE WERE AT MY GRANDSONS B-DAY PARTY AND MY YOUNGESTS SONS FIANCE GOT UP TO GET ME SIOME PIZZA AND A DRINK AND SHE AND I ALWAYS JOKED AROUND AS WE ALWAYS DO EVEN ON THAT DAY....ANYWAY WHEN SH PUT THE PLATE OF PIZZA IN FRONT OF ME ...THE "NURSE" SAID ....YOU GUYS AREN'T DOING HER ANY FAVORS BY DOING EVERYRHING FOR HER..THAT HURT ME SO BAD BECAUSE I WAS SO PROUD OF THE ACCOMPLISHMRNTS I HAD MAD THAT NO ONE SEES LIKE TAKING A BATH BY MYSELF.....HECK EVEN SITTING UP IN BED...AND GETTING RID OF THE BEDSIDE COMMODE AND GOING TO THE RESTROOM MYSELF...HER COMMENT OF COURESE MADE ME"CRY AND TOLD MY HUSBAND I WANTED TO LEAVE...THEN MY DIL AND SON WOULD NOT SPEAK TO ME FOR AROUND 3 WEEKS....SHE SIAD I TOOK AWAY A DAY IN HER LIFE THAT SHE CAN NEVER GET BACK...SO I HAD TO APOLOIZE...I STILL DON'T FEEL RIGHT ABOUT THAT ONE...BUT ITS IN THE PAST NOW....MY HUSBAND IS WITH ME AND HE SEES ALL THE LITTLE THINGS THAT ARE BIG THINGS TO ME....AND I AM FINDING OUT THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE THA TNEED TO BE EDUCATED ON STROKES...THANKS AGAIN...I THINK ILL BE MAKING SOME NEW FRIENDS HERE

just cause your a nurse it doesent mean anything----- just cause your a doc it doesent mean anything, but being a fellow human with compassion in your heart is everything.. a true "pro" if that is what she was trying to accomplish would have never been so advisarial. a loved one would have never wanted to hurt you... even -"if"- she were right the venue she chose was inappropriate and showed a real lack of compassion .. nothing is worse than being embarrased in public - or in front of other loved ones... plain and simple she was showing her authority as a nurse off.... this shows she is insecure in her true knowlege. if she really had your best intrest at heart she would have spoken privatley to family members..she is obviously ignorant of other people feelings which is unfortunate because by being a nurse it usually means you are a compassionate person and when you are seeking medical help - compassion is the one thing you expect - not judgement... it would be so nice if people just owned their sh*t --- she made an error and cryed to her husband , who sided with his wife and really dont give this another thought - put it to bed... move on and just avoid anything that might think she has the need to interject her medical opinion.. and when she does interject just look her dead in the eye and say thankyou for your opinion and then pretend she is not there.... but i'm sorta a confrontational person ( worked in law enforcement a long time) so my advice may not in all honesty be the best for your family situation....i mostly just wan to reinforce you should expect compassion from your family --- the whole world will beat up on you, but family shoud be just that family..... unconditional nancyl

No offense but your daughter in law sounds like a witch. I would just talk to her in a nice way and see if she can be more considerate. I would hate to have someone rubbing it in my face that I cant wear cute shoes cause of my brace! I was 12 when I had the stroke so everyone was extra helpful the first few years but once I got in high school I pretty much wanted to do things on my own so naturally I quit asking for help and my family only helps if I ask. I know what you mean about crying over things you can't do but someday you will. I started out in bed, wheelchair, quad cane, and now can walk everywhere (up stairs down stairs, get myself in and out of big trucks). Things that I used to could not do or needed help with like sitting on the floor or hopping up on the bed in the doctors office, I can now do. So don't give up, one day you will look back and realize how much you have improved (with or without the help)

I HAVE ATTENDED A COUPLE OF CHAT SESSIONS IN THE NEWBIE ROOM IN THE EVENING - BUT NOT AFTERNOON - I SEEM TO RUN NON STOP TO DR,APPTS PT AND OT...I WILL EVENTUALLY JUMP IN THERE ONE AFTERNOON...ID LIKE TO TALK TO YOU GUYS...I HAVE SO MUCH GOING ON BUT KNOW MANY IF NOT ALL OF YOU ARE DOING THE SAME THINNG...DR'S DR'S DR'S...I WONDER SOME DAYS IF IT WILL EVER SLOW DOWN...PEACE AND THANKS FOR THE REPLIES...I KINDA LIKE THIS BLOG THING...I MEAN I " REALLY" LIKE THIS BLOG THING....I SURE HAVE LOTS OF QUESTIONS ON ALL DIFFERENT THINGS YOU MAY HAVE BEEN THROUGH ON A MORE PERSONAL LEVEL THAN PULLING IT UP ON THE INTERNET AND READING ABOUT

yes at this stage of the game you dont want statistics you want real live human stories and advice...... I'm glad that stroke net is helping you---it sure has helped me....nancyl

Maxine,

HI. My mom is 6 months post stroke and still has trouble controlling her emotions. Something will strike her as funny and she will start laughing and then can't stop. The neurologist pricked her legs with toothpicks at her appt. yesterday and she started to laugh-then she couldn't stop. She feels bad and apologizes for it but she can't control it. Then the laughter turned to tears and she had trouble getting herself to stop crying. She asked me this morning why at 6months post stroke she was still having trouble controlling her emotions and I just told her that it is normal to have this occur after a stroke. I am sorry to hear that you feel like your family is abandoning you now. I too feel that they probably haven't been educated on stroke. Maybe they just don't know how to cope with the situation. They probably feel that enough time has gone by and you should be better. I can't imagine not being there for my mom or dad. It is so important to have support and encouragement at this time. I am glad you have found this support group.