I never really know what's going on with Dan. For two weeks he's been very lethargic, seems to have lost his appetite yet again, and could sleep all day. I was sure he had a UTI. Finally got a urine sample, which is NOT easy for someone when he can't go "on demand" as he tells me. Results came back negative. Then yesterday he passed a couple of blood clots from his rectum. He has no colon so it really concerned me. GI doc said to get him to the ER. Five hours in the ER with blood samples, urine samples and cultures, CT scan of the gut, even chest x-ray for possible pneumonia; not sure what this has to do with his rectum but, whatever! lol Again, all tests came back negative. Well, other than he has ulcerative colitis in his rectum. Well, duh, why do they think his colon was removed??? The doc told us this and Dan looked at me and said "Gee, haven't we known that for 25 years?" I couldn't help but laugh. Through all of this he still has a sense of humor.

I get so incredibly frustrated and I never know what to do. So, I have a good cry, tell myself there's nothing I CAN do but what I AM doing. But, what am I doing other than worrying all the time and hounding him to eat, drink, stay awake, go for a ride, etc., etc. Apparently I'm not doing much that's helpful or useful!

I probably will never figure out what's going on with him. I would love to feel how he feels for just 15 minutes. I definitely would not want to live through what he is living through, but just for 15 minutes to be in his body and mind to know what he's thinking and feeling. Would I even last 15 minutes??? I don't know, I doubt it.

I got away for four whole days last month! Wow, it was soooo nice. I went to Kentucky to visit my sister. We didn't do anything but we had a very nice visit. I so enjoyed just getting out and getting away. It was stress free and there was no one asking me to get something or do something or getting angry at me because the something I did wasn't the way it should have been done. I long for the old days when I could sit and watch TV, read a book, or sew uninterupted.

Other than the ER visit yesterday this has been a pretty good week. I treated myself to a mani/pedi, had lunch with friends yesterday, spent the the afternoon today with an 87 year old friend who is just a joy to be with, and tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut. All in all I guess life is pretty good right now.