It sounds like John got you to where you are today. It's an honor when we leave this earth with something so powerful behind us, that it changed lives. You make him very proud, with all you describe being able to accomplish thru the day - that is a lot of pets! (My 3 are wearing me out!)

Bonnie, you will settle. It is a long journey, to being alone and a widow,to finding a "new you", to being comfortable with all that you have been through. You are a wonderful woman, an icon to me and I know yu can do it. Don't struggle alone, reach out to those who value you as we all do.

(((hugs))) from Sue.

thank you bonnie for your beautiful post and I love the idea of a tatoo...who know I might get one one of these days. It's been 8 months since I lost Jerry and I am fighting tooth and nails. Today was not a good day and I cried most other day. I am along and feel that way. It will be so hard to make a move but I am slowly realizing I need to. For tonight i am letting it go; I'm too sad. I have friends here, but as you know being a stroke survivor AND a widow is hard. I'll blog when I can get my head around it eventially. Jerry was my rock and now I feel I am sinking into sand. Leah

Bonnie, many times memories are all we can hold on to when lives are shorten or like strokes we are down in seconds and may suffer but survive to find our lives will never be the same again in many cases!! Memories we can hold on to for years lives we can not!

Bonnie :

as a life survivor you know first few years are hardest to cope with, there is no set time tablw for grief period but I am sure surely you will reach to acceptance. John did leave with you lot of great memories, have you gotton chance to read Jean riva's blog "misadventure of widowhood". google it, you will get lot of comfort reading her blogs & it will help you in coping.

Asha

Bonnie: you are such an inspiration to all of us and I know the first response to that will be that that was the gift John gave to you. I am happy that you are finding some peace with your new life and getting through the pain. Know I am thinking of you. Debbie

Thank you all my "DEAR" friends.. Yes Asha, I did rean Jeans blog.. and she gave me the link to the widow site. It has been extremely helpful and making friends their also. I won't leave you all. but meeting some widow and widowers who are going through this think called Grief.. I am understanding and I think it is helping in acceptance.

love to all Bonnie

bonnie, you have always been a inspiration to me, since i joined the site. i know exactly how you and leah feel. this month will be 2 years already since i lost my hubby of 40 years.the time has passed quickly. some days i don't know how i get through the day. but my oldest helps me, since he is just like his dad was, LOL i miss him terribly. i moved back to tx, hoping his family would be a support connection for me, but they are not. i call his dad every fathers day, since andy can't anymore. its appreciated but i'm never asked how i am doing. makes me just really want to let him have it, but i don't. loosing a spouse is a big hurdle to get over, i still am struggling with it, but having you and leah to talk to, has helped me, more than you both know. bonnie i thankyou for the widow site link, i havent visited it yet, but i will.

i admire your strength to get through all that you've had to. you are a dear friend and i love you. be safe and well, my friend. kimmie