Mary Jo, go for it as you deserve it. We all need to have our "me time" and you sound like you certainly need it.

Larry is not that difficult but I have had some "talks" with him as he can be stubborn about certain things. He knows I am it when it comes to his caregiving 24/7, but I still try to get him to do more for himself should something happen to me.

Keep in touch,

Julie

I don't think some conduct can be excused even if our partner has brain damage. I used to tell Ray that if he treated me badly I would arrange respite for him and take a holiday and the first time he went into respite (because I needed it, not because of his behaviour) he was "Mr Nice" for the first week he was at home but reverted to his usual sometimes unco-operative self after that.

No-one can be forced to be a caregiver, no-one has "the right" to be cared for and maybe you need to say that to him. We are not servants, not slaves but equal partners. As we don't get money we deserve to get thanks and praise. When Ray got really cranky and abusive I would declare myself "on strike" for the day, do the minimum for him without speaking and rest, read, munch out, whatever I felt like doing for the day without giving him any special attention. I got one or two days of good behaviour out of that.

I'd tell his doctor about the cranky in the evening behaviour and see if he/she has any medication that could take the edge off the behaviour. None of this is easy, for them or for us but it did help with Ray's care if we could rub along without too much argument.

Sue.

Oh I love that. Going on strike. I might just use that sometime.

I think sue is correct about the medication, taking the edge off, but communication can help too. Tell him how you feel because, he can't read your mind. I'll pray for you.

-Will

I'm sure you have already thought of this --- but i do know dan can be a real crab ass when he gets over tired.... it seems like every couple days i gotta find a way for him to get some extra rest--- he does not do this on his own believe me... he is like a toddler not wanting to miss anything... but i have really found how tired he is and crabby he is are related..and i vote for the medication for your hubby especially if this is a everynite occurance... if dans bowels were not so messed up as it is i would push for more meds myself for dan --- for him and me...all i can say is what you already know ---- welcome to this darn boat... wishing you good thoughts and the ability to go home and have a decent night sleep --- YES i know what you mean tired not sleepy..livin the dream here to..nancyl

Mary Jo.

Yes, I would love to join you. Shopping and ice cream. I have those same days with William.

I use Sue's tactics. I go on strike. You should see William he starts phoneing everybody telling them that Ruth is not helping him and he needs help. But, he does straighten out for a while. he learns. but then he forgets and we repeat.

But, yes if he is tired then it will happen more easily.

take care of yourself. Don't buy too much.

Ruth

Reminds me when I kept asking Bob if he wanted me to bring his electric razor so he could shave, and he kept saying no, he didn't want to. Then when I took him to the bathroom and he passed the mirror, he said he looked disgusting and asked for his razor. I wonder if sometimes it just doesn't register how bad it looks when they need to do something to themselves?

Durn, I think if Bob told me I was invading his space I'd have to tell him I have no space, he has taken it all over. Then do the on strike thing to take make some space.

Good Golly we both have Dans--- and i don't know what to do about either of them....