The other day I was thinking that the grieving part was over for me. You know the time when I grieve the loss of my "old" mom. The one that I could actually have meaningful conversations with and go shopping with, things like that. I had felt good for quite awhile, no significant down times. Silly me. I don't even know what caused it, maybe just tiredness. It just seemed it came back, the dragged down, hopeless feeling. Last week for a couple of days, mom was not good, very weepy. Then toward the end of the week, she did well. She is talking so much more. One day I was wheeling her up the hall. She looked at the clock and said, "Oh my, it's only 7." and that was the time on the clock! Another day she was looking at the door in her room and she said, very slowly, "let...it......show." I had hung a sign with a snowman on her door and it says, Let it snow. Those are exciting moments. One night I called my brother, handed the phone to her and she carried on almost the whole conversation with clear and understandable speech. My brother was so impressed. When I do devotions with her, she follows along with the reading and tries to say some of the words. I have learned to speak very slowly and deliberately with her. I'm pleased that staff members have seen me doing this, getting at eye level, speaking slowly, etc. and are doing the same.

Even though I see so much progress with her, she gets so frustrated. On a good day, I am shocked when she says, " I'm not going to talk anymore, no one understands me. I am stupid." I reassure her that it is getting so much better and sometimes that helps, sometimes not.

I have been going to visit at a different time this week. On weekdays I usually go at 10:30, have lunch with her and do some things, leave by 2. This week my 11-yr.-old grand-daughter has been home from school, sick. So I have been keeping her during the day while her mom works. I have been going to see mom about 4:30 or 5 and having supper with her. Then I get her ready for bed, do some things and get her in bed, Leave about 7:30. It has been kind of nice to mix up my schedule a little. Plus my husband started working in a different town, this week and hasn't been home until 8 or 8:30. Very busy days

I started reading a fiction novel last week and it is about a woman whose father has a stroke. She has to stop working, pretty much put everything on hold and be his caregiver. It's a very good novel and I really identified with her. Maybe that is what started my melancholy mood. It made me remember the total loss of control of my life and the hopelessness and aloneness I felt at first. I don't normally have those feelings these days, once in awhile, I feel that I have more control now and of course the progress I am seeing really helps.

I pray for all of you caregivers that are so selfless and giving, the ones that just keep on going, even not seeing progress. My heart goes out to you, no one knows how hard it is, until they have gone through it. I am encouraged by your posts, because no matter how difficult things are with me, some of you have it so much worse. Your family members are so lucky to have you.