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Respite week completed


djs202

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I took Lauren back to the nursing home for a week so I could have a week of respite. He knows this nursing home from two stays for skilled nursing and they know him, of course. I stayed home for most of the week and went to my daughter's house for the weekend. She lives 2 1/2 hrs away and I hadn't even seen the house they moved into last fall. In order for me to get respite, it was important that I not spend the days visiting Lauren in the nursing home so I arranged visits from family and friends for almost every day he was there. That gave me the assurance that he would be monitored and any real problems managed. I remained the contact person for the nursing home, wanting to know of any significant issues that popped up.

 

I have had time away before because his sister has been willing to give me that time. As wonderful as those times were, I also yearned to just be at home in a more relaxed way. I love being home as long as I also have the freedom to leave at will! The week was wonderful for me. I was able to sleep in till i woke up, move into the day in a more relaxed fashion, listen to music I liked and LEAVE THE TV OFF! :) I got tickets to a musical concert at a wonderful new musical hall in our area. I went with my daughter who lives near us. I got a wonderful massage and got my hair cut. I tried to make this week consist of a mix of things I wanted to do, things I missed doing, and simply no thing at all. I was able to spend some time with all my grandkids. I hoped to spend some of my time purging, organizing and cleaning out. Not too much of that happened.

 

Lauren, of course, told everyone he saw that he was ready to come home. It was good for my heart to hear my brother say that every time they went to the nursing home, they were struck by the good feeling the place gave them. They have had some experience in other places with family members and this feeling is not always present. They said people were all friendly and there seemed to be a relaxed conversation going on among the residents and staff during meals. There were a couple of glitches I found when I went to pick him up. My learning is that in the future I will take him a day earlier than I want to be "off" and stay around to make sure everything is as it should be and his caregivers are properly trained in how to work with him. The biggest problem is that they do too much for him and he is much more difficult to care for than is necessary because they take on the heavy work he can do for himself.

 

I will definitely be doing this again. It is the compromise Lauren must make in order to be able to stay home the rest of the time. We are that close to the edge between home and permanent placement.

 

Lauren is getting ready to become eligible for Medicare--in May. I realized that the normal yearly benefits we have with the insurance company will now end in May so I talked to his rehab doctor about stepping up the outpatient physical therapy and using as much of those benefits as we can. So, we are going three days a week now for a few weeks just for PT to see if we can get him stronger and safer. As long as he's going to be home, he sure needs to keep trying to move. If it would ever get to the point that I could walk him safely without a second person, that would help a lot. For now, getting out of the house is grand for any reason and the more intense PT is good. I just wish they didn't always make me feel like I'm a terrible caregiver because I'm not doing more every day. You sure have to get a thick skin as a caregiver (as a survivor too, I'm sure). They get so focused on their own specialty and think that is all we need to concentrate on every day. Yeah, right.

 

Keeping the mantra in my head: doing the best I can and forgiving myself for what I can't... ~~Donna

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Donna: I think you just described my dream. And yes, a week would do it. I am like you, I just love time in my home alone. Exactly like you described. And doing exactly what you did.

 

You gave so much thought and planning to this - understand that it was "respite" and planning on visitors for Lauren. And I do thank you for sharing because it is those little details that make such a difference and many of us would not think of.

 

I did the same when Bruce was ending Cobra and we got lucky, his Cobra ended in November and Medicare gave us all new therapies January, so we only had one month down time. Run those paid benefits out!

 

I can just imagine what Bruce's therapists are going to say about me this next go round. Last Botox session, Bruce was out of therapy time. New year and new benefits. But I am sure I am going to be admonished for not pushing more these past months.

 

Wonderful time honey and you just made my night. Blizzard here is just kicking up. I am just praying for no power loss. Best, Debbie

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