Well...gee... you did lose 2 parents recently. Unless they were horrible parents you were glad to be rid of, that would HAVE TO have a very deep impact on your feelings. I think you and I were born on the same day then. I have not been able to deal with the damage from the flood. In the meantime, my windshield decided to get a crack for no reason, and now a loud squeak coming fro the tire area (not brake chirping). Will have to let my nephew who works at a dealership take it to work with him to fix it... but he drives so roughly it doesn't seem like such a deal

Forward to around now, when I'm looking for medicare advantage plans for Bob and begin searching for coverage for me, when I get the boot off cobra. I find I will need to pay something like $600 in monthly premiums, $4000 in deductibles and so I will be losing $600 a month on insurance that won't cover anything, unless I also have a crisis. But that's the good news.

Yesterday morning I got up at 8:30 (early for me, as I often don't get to sleep till 4am), because I was going to make the kitchen shine! hmmmm.... well, in no time I noticed water backing up in the sink and I tore out to Walmart to buy clog busting treatments. Worked on it all day and night. Got up today and started again - another trip to Walmart. 5 more bottles of (guaranteed or your money back! ... or you needed to call a plumber to start with (nice butt coverage for them). I just finished the 5th treatment of the 'instantly unclogs drains' stuff and took every thing out from under the sink because I had a feeling I'd have to drop the trap. It got worse. I feel the last hot water I ran in there (I actually heated it) and it is still in the drain, then I feel the big pipe that goes all the way out and it, too, is hot. I realize this 'clog' is going way out. I now realize any effort to move it, may result in it moving far enough and THEN getting stuck again, creating another house flood. I'm thinking a nap sounds swell right now......

Cat :

hope you feel better soon, please think about joining us for chats in the afternoon & evening and start your own blog. what I have found staying active on this board helps me more than my antidepressant pills. thanks to that I have been able to wean myself off them. I feel when you are supporting others inadvertently you are supporting yourself. So its win win situation. I feel even reading other people's blogs & supporting them is also very therapeutic.

Asha

Perhaps it could just be that today is a big holiday and you and Mike had no plans for going, doing, or make this day seem different from the other days you have seen! That's just my take on how feelings can go down hill quickly!

My wife went 50 miles to another town with a church member to shop and when she got back she thought I would have the BBQ pit going and she had prepared the meat and in the frig marinading! Well I missed out on her expecting me to fire up the pit and cook the meat somehow!! Here it is almost 6pm central time and I haven't eaten today yet!

I guess I'm trying to say we all get in the wrong world at times and can't remember what should be done with the time we got! I have been sleeping a lot lately and not feel like doing anything at all!! So is it you, is it me?? We don't know and I can't figure it out either! Maybe tomorrow will be a better day and night for both of us and your Mike too!! I just don't know how I got my wife's instructions so messed up but I did!!

Cindy: I too go through those spells where I just can not function - everything is just too huge to think about. I have found, over the past five years, that I just have to go with it. Anything I touch will somehow turn sour, so I concentrate on sleep, nutrition and walks.

After a few days I just pull myself out of it because I know it will consume me if I let it go too far. These past eight weeks with a very ill Cat have surely taken their toll. Mostly I just want to sit and cuddle her, spend some time; but she has taken now to wanting to be by herself for longer periods and when she is resting, I have to leave her alone.

So, what works for me. Obviously getting Bruce out of the house. But unlike Mike, Bruce loves getting out of the house. I do get him out on the deck to tend to his flower boxes and I won't say I house clean, but I have been cleaning out closets, the basement. I recently redid Bruce's Vial of Life. I got the paperwork for 2013 stored away and went through all those files we keep - resorted and relabeled. I keep finding piles of stuff for Bruce to sort through - I can't believe what a pack rat he truly was. And this is a very small house - LOL.

But if you notice, none of this is overwhelming and I can walk away from any of it, at any time and nothing suffers. Once I get through the daily stuff and organize for any appointments, grocery shop, meals, pills, laundry, if I am not up to doing anything else, that is OK. I pour a glass of wine and read.

However these are the kinds of things you can do that can be fun - why did I keep that? what is that for? look at the expiration dates! I am never going to use this. Make a donation pile - that always makes one feel good. Have Mike organize his tools. Set aside your metal recycling.

Get to the library and pick out some new books and music you may not have. Grow two tomato plants. Little things Cindy. Give yourself 15 minutes a day x one week. Stick to it. Even if you just take a nice bath or sit in the sun. Hydrate and either read or meditate - get your mind off stroke!

And Asha is right. Come to Chat on Tuesday nights or drop in on the Survivor Chats - they are wonderful people and welcome everyone. If reading through other posts does not recenter you, get you out of your funk, that is fine. But do keep your blogs up to date. So sorry honey, but you can work through this, that I know and have great faith in. Debbie

Cindy, a death in the family gets us to reassess our own life. Sometimes we don't like what we see but it is what it is. Start filling your life. I used to be also housebound with Ray but I would knit, sew, crochet, play on the computer, even volunteer on the computer as I have been a chat host on this site since 2006!!! A long time for a volunteer position. I also kept up with the things that were important to me - church, family and friends, that is those who had stuck by Ray and I for many years.

I am not suggesting you do any of this, I am going to suggest you look at the things you would like to do and somehow fit them into your life. No-one can be just a caregiver, we all need to have extensions to our personality that are unique to us, that express us as we actually are. Not easy to see where to fit it in but 15 minutes a day of your favourite thing to do is enough, something to look forward to.

I am so sorry you find yourself in this bad space right now, I have been there a lot of times, but I always got out as fast as I could. Host Bonnie was my "boss" here when I was first a chat host and she would oftern post a comment on my "down" blogs saying: "It is okay to sit on the pity pot as long as you flush." So I am passing that message on to you, hope you feel strong enough to do it.n

Well Sue had the best line at the end of her post. lol Debbie too had some good suggestions. I guess we all get down in the dumps. Luckily, when I do, I can snap out of it instead of taking a pill. Talking to a friend on the phone or E mailing can help me. Also, just taking a shower, then reading my book helps in the evening.

Just realize we all go through this too. Take care.

Julie

I am like this on some days also! Why bother getting out of bed,, when everything will just be bad, it is hard to keep pushing on..........But I know we have to...........we just can't give up and not live, that is not an option!

Everyone has gave you such good, up lifting advice, take some of it! Start your blog again, I love reading everyone's blog and find them inspirational. I haven't ever joined chat yet, I type so slow with one hand, I don't think I could keep up.

i love the --it's okay to sit on the pity pot as long as you flush!!!! LOVE THIS!

Will continue to pray!

others have said everything so wonderfully --- so all i can do is make a offer --- come live here for a week - whoa the sh-t never ends here - good , bad and ugly …… mostly the bad - of which you are very familiar with yourself… Hang tough lady --- we are a tough bunch here…. and you are cared about !!! tie a knot hang on….

Depression is such a scary thing, here's hoping with the holiday over you can get to do some everyday stuff and feel a bit normal again. Can you get out by yourself while Mike is sleeping, I mean even 20 minutes and justsit outside, and try to enjoy the sunshine and the birds singing? And just let your thoughts go there? I know, easier said than done, but give it a try? Just block everything out of your mind for that short time if you can.

Hi Cindy, like Debbie mention, you did lose your Parents that has to be hard, recovery takes time. After my stroke I just got so depress, and would not do anything, talk to anyone, nothing. I did get a pill, but I also looked to strokenet. That was a blessing reading about what others were going through and me answering helped them and me! Going walking helped me alot, while Milke slept, just walk not too far, but just get out get some fresh air. Come and join us in chat, we have a great time just shooting the breeze.

I know it is hard, just know that at strokenet we care about you, and know what you are going through. Keep posting

You are in my Prayers

Yvonne