Jamie: you handled that with grace and dignity. And while you made your wishes known, did not hurt her feelings or alienate her. I would say the day was a total success.

And as angry and frustrated as you were, you tempered yourself and saved a relationship that is important to you! And she knows for the next time - ask first. Hopefully she got that.

I know it doesn't feel good, but in this case you have to give yourself a pat on the back. Well done Miss! Debbie

Thank you, Debbie. After my strokes this happened all the time in the beginning, so much so that I developed a hair trigger and would blow my stack at the slightest thing. Finally, I got my stuff together and now this situation has started it up again and I'm learning I wasn't as together as I thought I was. I think you're right and it wasn't a disaster. I think it was just a little too close for comfort.

Jamie, none of us understand each other completely. I was a caregiver for so many years but I could still get it wrong with someone else. I'm sure she didn't think badly of you for your wish to be independent. You did handle it with grace and another lesson learnt.

Jamie: I often think about how this affects Stroke Survivors. Being a caregiver, I take any help I can get - LOL. Except when it comes to Bruce. If he can do it, "no thank you, we are OK." There is a cashier at our Grocery Store who we have gone to for five years now. Very young, a real sweetie. But "No" you can not wheel Bruce out to the truck. He will get there. I am sure she thinks I am a big meanie - LOL. But she also knows I bring him every week - WC and all.

I think it is all in the approach and that is where I admire your reaction and response. And the fact that you know you will react poorly, maybe and temper yourself. Rock on Baby.

jamie, i think you handled it quite well. people wanting to help is a good thing at times. to much help in the wrong way scares me and could make me fall. so if they don't know what i need and how to do it, i kindly tell them no but thank you anyway. they don't seem to realize that we have to move at our pace, carefully and slowly. you did nothing wrong and i'm sure she's not upset with you either for what you said. people think since we are handicapped, we must need help!! having a hold of your clothing is not going to keep you from falling and that is definitely not a safe way to help either. she is going to hurt someone that way i know you can take care of yourself. just stay away from her, please!! stay safe and well.

Thanks Sue, Debbie and Kimmie. I know my temper, especially if someone scares me unnecessarily. I think everything went better than it could have. After thinking about it, I don't think I offended her, but I don't think she will offer to help me again--which is OK too, if her way of helping is going to put me at risk.

Kimmie, I think you hit the nail on the head. The way she wanted to help was scaring me...I'm never good with 'scared'. My evil twin takes over! lol

Hi Jamie, just wanted to say that you did well, and did it with grace. It is sad that people think that they are helping you but they are not, just putting you are at risk . My daughter, poor thing , she started treating me like I was a child, I shouted at her not good. I was so sorry, but once we talked about it, it is all good.

You take care, be safe.

Yvonne

I can not believe her idea of safety was to PULL you down the steps! That's getting you there before your feet are there = doing a header down the steps! We don't have steps really, and I'm trying to think what I would do if we were coming down some. He would be better at the going up part, but coming down.. hmmmm.... I know coming down an extremely steep ramp, I was just a hair behind Bob, holding his gait belt and ready to pull him toward me if he started to fall - that's the biggie - you don't pull them either way, you only get in the picture if they stumble. I had his brother in front of us as a spotter to catch him if it all went ugly.

I know when he went up and down a big set of steps for therapy... I just watched my video of that - the guy was in front, facing him. He had both hands on his gait belt, loosely, letting Bob determine the rate and direction of movement - only there to spot and go into action IF he should stumble. That would be more uncomfortable for me, since I'm not a 6foot hefty man doing the spotting. But, the biggest key is having the hand rail that Bob is holding. A handrail is the ultimate help, you don't have one?

I'm sorry you were forced to stand up to her. I've found that I have to be downright rude and threatening to some people. The time I realized I had to stand up to them and do my mother bear impersonation (if called for) or it could all go ugly, was:

we were going into Walmart and there were no reg wheelchairs. Some IDIOT woman said, "Oh, I'm SURE he could drive the cart!" I who knows Bob's problems, and knows he is 60% blind and even if he wasn't at all, is severely into right side neglect, PLUS has cognitive problems, knew he couldn't - not without killing people. Anyway, Bob was all for it, and before I knew it, she had him on that scooter and he hit the gas and I was running beside of him, screaming and trying to get my hand on the steering wheel as he kept grazing everything we passed. This went on thru to the back of the store, when I was finally able to get my message into his head "take your foot off the pedal!" It is disturbing to me that people take one look at Bob and think he can do anything, because he isn't drooling out of his mouth he must be FINE. Anyway, seems Walmart security saw that video, and next thing I know, 2 bright new shiny wheelchairs appear there OH GAWD.... I just had this terrible thought.... I hope those employees didn't upload that to youtube....

Sandy, one of my problems is word choice. Most often I get close enough but like now, sometimes I get close but far enough off to be a little misleading. What she really did was put just slight pressure on me to move forward but for me that's enough to send me tumbling. I stop on each step until I regain my balance--and I very carefully take my next step. I do them well enough that people who look at me think I have no problem except fear and they think they can "lead" me through my hesitation. That isn't the case. Some people think helping the disabled is One-Size-Fits all. Also not true. As an example, Bob goes up stairs better/easier than down. While I am very slow and deliberate, I go down even without a hand rail. Going up is a nightmare for me.

No, I have no hand rail which is a HUGE source of irritation for me. I have been waiting for 3 years since I moved back home. Its one of the promises my father made to get me here but it has never been done nor will he allow me to hire someone to build me one.

Walmart won't likely show that video. It could have negative consequences for them.

Well, I sure don't know about how most women feel about helping us past things they see as an obstacle but my wife usually tell them "He can do it by himself let go his arm"!! They usually listens to what she says!! I guess we look like we might stumble or fall to them but they aren't around us everyday so they really don't know!! They just don't want any accident in their presence!! I understand that!!

I know exactly what you mean about judging every move. I have some movement problems of my own, and have a very studied plan of movement. So, it was 2nd nature for me to pick up on that with Bob.

I can't believe your dad won't allow a handrail, that's so blind on his part.

that's so blind on his part.

What a kind way to say that! lol