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Catching up from the beginning.


StevenM

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On July 9th, 2014, I did not think when I woke up that I would and up being a stroke caregiver. My day started out like any other day going to work coming home helping my wife with any activities or anything events going on around the house. That day she had been outside in our high heat high humidity day painting the house climbing a ladder to get to the area above the front of our garage. I got home helped her out with painting the front of the garage, taking care of rolling the large areas while she finished cutting in the edges.

 

When we finished with that we went inside to fix dinner. I told her to go shower while I got dinner going, and we sat down in the living room to eat. She had only taken two or three bites when she fell asleep. Not thinking anything was wrong I let her sleep. She had a bit of nausea but seemed to be okay and I let her sleep for three hours.

 

I knew something was wrong when I tried to wake her to go to bed. She was having problems trying to stand up. Her leg was not wanting to work, so I tried to help her stand. I took her by the arm and waited for her to try again, but she asked me if I was going to help her. I asked if she could feel me holding her arm and she said "where?"

 

At that point I called an ambulance for assistance and four hours later we find out she had a stroke and was transferred to a specialty hospital.

 

My mind was realing as I tried to come to grips with reality while starting to call the family. The next two days were a whirlwind of doctors, nurses, therapists and phone calls.

 

Christina was a trooper as she managed to improve significantly, gain some control of her right arm and leg and start to understand what had happened to her.

 

Now one week out of the hospital she is able to walk with help, but is still learning how to scan her surroundings since she has lost part of her vision.

 

She has taken to the physical therapy well but is trying to push her recovery. I think she considers this to be similar to the back surgery she went through three years ago, and I keep reminding her that time is her friend not her enemy.

 

It is frustrating for both of us when she is not able to do some of the things she used to be able to do. My frustration comes when she gets frustrated with her arm or leg or vision. I try not to let it show but don't know how successful I am.

 

I find that I am watching her movement much more than I used to but don't know if this is normal or me just being a loving husband of a wife who is in a recovery stage of an illness.

 

Keep getting told to take care of myself but not really sure what that means. We are still in a learning stage and researching everything we can. Getting kind of anxious as Monday I have to go back to work which means leaving my wife alone until her friend can get here to be with her until I get off work.

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Steve you sure are still in the learning stage. It is only a week or so since the event so the brain is still in stroke mode, swollen and disorientated. It sounds like the deficits are relatively mild, I say relatively because what is just a nuisance to one person can be a disaster in the eyes of another. As a couple your roles will change, in some cases reverse and in some cases the adjustments to that will be hard for both of you.

 

I'd like to recommend the "watch and learn" method of caregiving. The survivor is learning often by default how their body works while going through the usual anger, denial etc stages of grief at what they have lost. The caregiver needs to be on hand to help but waiting for the signals that help is required, and it will be for sure. A empathetic response is often better than a helping hand in the early stages.

 

Find out all you can about stroke, stroke deficits and how they improve, remembering that a stroke is an emotional experience as well as a physical one. Put all future planning on hold, accept that today is it's own norm and tomorrow may or may not be better.

 

Welcome to the Blog Community. There is a lot of hands-on experience here and we are ready to help and support you and your wife in any way we can.

 

Sue.

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I concure --- only this far out -- lots can come back ---- chase down every bit of therapy you can , at this juncture it matters…. but SLEEP is also important…. balance it --- and this has a lot of potential to turn out pretty well… prayers… thanks for the blog… nancyl

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Your wife has two things on her side already. One, that she is motivated to get better and the other is having you as a good caregiver. It will take time as she is only 1 week out of the hospital and some here have spent weeks just being in the hospital after a stroke. It is frustrating but things will improve. Hang in there and post here often.

 

 

Julie

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hi Steve :

 

welcome to best online stroke support group & hidden jewel of our blog world. you found us quickly. I agree with all the commentators above. give both of your self some time to adjust to this new reality. Stroke recovery is not a cold or sprint. It is marathon. It affects every one involved in the family. Survivor goes through the 5 stages of grief for things they have lost, and caregiver also have to adjust to new roles which has been thrust upon them. as a caregiver you will have to wear lot of hats & you will be her medical advocate to get her maximum therapy possible, her cheerleader, her strength till she finds her own strength. I stroked at age 34 which left me paralyzed on my left side & retired me from the job I loved. I found blogging & chatting with other survivors very therapeutic for my soul. I depended heavily on my husband's strength till I found my own strength & will to survive & thrive. Today on this post stroke journey for 10 years I find stroke just as speed bump in our journey it slowed me down to enjoy scenery along the way

 

Asha( now 43 year old survivor)

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Taking care of yourself means to not run yourself down or be so worried, things will get better and work out like a routine does!! It is a good thing a friend is near to see about her while you are at work if she ever needs anything...It's all very workable for both of you and soon it will be just routine stuff!!!

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Steven: so glad you found our blogs. This is a great way to journal your travels through stroke recovery.

 

Sue said it best. This is a long haul. One must allow at least six months for the brain alone to recover from the trauma. It is good to see you already understand that and are coaching Christina to take things slow. Be sure she is napping enough.

 

I know her friend will be with her, but start now setting her up for time alone. Get her breakfast set up - lunch in the fridge. Snack for later and lots of water. Make sure her pills are poured and CLEARLY marked for time. With her friend there to guide her, she will develop a safe routine right from the start. That will make the time when you have to leave her alone more comfortable for both of you.

 

Routine is important. She will get confused if she does not work from a game plan.

 

As for you, you have to find some time for maybe a walk or gym work out. Sit outside with a cup of tea or coffee. Time alone. It does not have to be long and truly Christina will be glad to be "off the hook" LOL. If you are going back to work, napping won't be possible for you so it is imperative that you figure out a house management routine that works for you, gets what has to be done, some things are going to have to slide for a bit. Then some reading, TV, music - whatever relaxes you, then bed.

 

Wonderful that Christina is so motivated and really recovering nicely. Keep us up to date. Debbie

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Hi Steve, you got great advise , that is what is great about srokenet, we care and know what you and your wife is going through. I had a stroke, and it was tough the first year. Like your wife i wanted everything to be now. It takes time, so your wife is doing great, but she does need a lot of rest, my doctor told me to get as much sleep as I can. I was left by myself husband had to work so did my daughter and son went off to college, so husband would make me breafast, cook lunch and be home to cook dinner. he would also put out my meds, it took us a while to work out our routine but it will come. It is a lot on the caregiver, you, so try to get some "me time" it is a new journey for you both, but with time, postive thinking, it can be done.

 

Take care both of you , keeping on blogging,

 

Yvonne

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