Hello all,

Today is september 2nd, its 7:30pm here, and I've spent just over an hour at grandma. It was a funny coincidence that me, my mother and uncle arrived there without knowing that we'd all be there, and with a 10 min difference each...it was really really funny. The nurse (Cevriye) was shocked as well, she said "so this is just a coincidence, right?" , and I said "well yes, I was supposed to come but did not know my uncle and mom would stop by"...we had a good laugh, grandma did too...she was really happy seeing all of us there even for an hour.

Grandma is really used to her nurse now, whenever I asked her something, she'd first look into the Cevriye's eyes, as if it was something to be agreed, or she was waiting for a hint from her...then she'd look back to me and either close her eyes in confirmation or would raise her left hand and do a "I dunno" gesture...

She was turning her head faster than ever when all 4 of us were talking to each other and to her at the same time, then I intervened and said "hey, people, listen, she cant just concentrate on all 4 of us, please, nurse Cevriye already speaks so loud and clear, please, lets try and leave her to deal with one voice, or 2 at most who'd speak one at a time"...my mom went to the kitchen and so did my uncle...haha, it was funny...I was a little *beep*, but not that much actually, I just cant understand that even I sometimes fall into the trap and think like grandma understands everything...and we talk to her as if we talk to each other, fast and loud...

Mom and I had a serious chat on the way back, in the ferry. She was so quiet, and I told her to get herself together and that she should get used to the situation. A neighbor we met on the ferry asked us why we are back so early from our summerhouse, and my mother started to tell the story right from the beginning, she could have cut it short, she doesnt have to say this whole story in detail..."my mom had a stroke, she's paralysed, but now is in stable condition and is in her own house, bed, we are trying to deal with it, and that's why we came back early to our winter house" and a smile, would be enough....she started off by saying "oh you'd wish you never asked this, bla bla bla, bla bla..."...as we came off the ferry I asked her about this, and told her to stop complaining about this and this could've happened to anyone, anywhere...I know she's come a long way in the last 30 days...she's begun to accept the fact, be aware that now is important...not the past, not the future...but she still has that frozen face look on her when she goes down deep into what's happened in the last 30 days. I told her that she lost her father 30yrs ago....and I cant remember how she dealt with it, but she did, we all did, we will...even if we lose each other....my grandfather passed away on 27 july 1984 when I was 8yrs old, my grandfather who was an author-poet, and a turkish literature teacher has passed away at the age of 61, due to a cardiac arrest. We all lose people, loved ones, everyone nearly is going to die, but...who'd want anyone to die...we shouldnt lose ourselves in the chaos we make up in our minds...of course we'd respect life as it is...Whenever I get angry I do think about this pale blue dot and Carl Sagan somehow...please do watch this if you've never did it before, its a fantastic one....it'll make you feel different, and so small and so big...so precious and so nothing...we should stop worrying about anything nearly...maybe everything...and concentrate on this beautiful air we breathe in, and exhale out....amazing...just amazing...to be alive...watch this please for me, spare your 5 mins...and then if you're more interested, watch the other link, the 50 min bbc show "we were all made of stars", by Brian Cox, a british astrophysicist just like Carl Sagan.

1.

2. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1k0ahd_bbc-wonders-of-the-universe-episode-2-stardust_shortfilms c.a. 50mins

Enjoy the show...=)

Healthy and happy days to all out there.

Cheers,

Cagin